Man I just had another awful day. At church they played "The Servant Song" which made Maureen cry because it reminded her of her father...the song, while it made me anxious for Maureen, never made me cry when she was alive; at church the song almost broke me down, as I found it reminds me so much of Maureen when she cried. I made it through the mass, but afterwards the priest, who has not been very supportive of me since Maureen died and of course didn't know I had struggled through mass, invited me to a memorial prayer service for the dead that was supposed to have happened this afternoon. I know he was expressing his concern for me, but it didn't seem very sincere, especially when he got a pitying look and tone of voice as he talking to me. I knew going to that prayer service would be tough after what I had been through for mass, and I know I should've done it for Maureen, but I didn't go...the pitying look still made me a little ticked off, and I wasn't about to subject myself to further toruture for the day at that damned church. Hell after all the support we gave the church, and this is how they treat me when Maureen dies. To top off this sucky day, a friend of Maureen calls out of the blue whom I never knew and wanted to talk to Maureen. I had to break the news to her about Maureen's death. The friend was cordial to me, but the call just underscores to me how far I have to go in my grief. Its on days like this that I wonder why I am still alive if life is this miserable.
Thanks Jason for the response, and another thanks to Pam,Terry, JohnK, Gaberax, and all the others who have supported me in one of the worst times of my life.