Arthur
Yes I do think having have been her primary caregiver for those years does adds some different twists in the road on this journey. Haveing to figure out what to do with all the extra time you have is hard. For the frist few months I was still only sleeping 4 hours a night and still waking up to check on her. Now I do sleep about 6 and every now and then longer. I also don't wake up every night any more to check on her only happens once or twice a week now. Not having to go to the doctors every other week is just a reminder she is not here any more hurts to. But for me there is a small blessing in there to because she was unable to do much for the last 3 years I had already started to morn the loss of the life we had planned together, so this is one part of the journey I have already gone through. The biggest twist I think for me any way is the guilt of feeling releif, that I nolonger have to worry the every time I leave that something is going to happen to her, I don't have to watch her suffer in pain anymore , no more counting pills, no more endless doctor appointments, and the biggest one no more prayers for her to have some kind of releif form the pain, that prayer was answered. Just not the way I wanted.
There was something else I wanted to share a few weeks back I wrote about a letter the insurace company sent me wanting the last 5 years of her medical history. I got all the paper work together, in the end I had to fax them close to 70 pages. most of which was just from the pharacy. I am hoping that this will be the end of the paper work, but I have a feeling it is just the begining.
Thanks for listening
