I failed you

[Halfpint]

((((((Lisa))))))

I totally understand, and am so sorry for you and all of us. I have thought the same things everyday. It is so hard to think of a future without the one we love. You are being too hard on yourself, a year is too soon. I think I had a preconcived notion that I would be ok in a year just because of all the advice you hear. Dont make any major decisions and blah, blah, blah. In reality, I believe the year mark is just the tip of the iceberg, there is still a long way to go. I try to find a little joy in what I have, my cats, my new puppy and my memories of Joe, and go with the flow. Maybe someday I will want more from life, but for now I dont push myself. To make yourself "live life again" if you truely dont feel it in your heart would just be going through the motions.  You have a wonderful soul that has made us laugh and smile, you may not live life as you had before but you are still a special person.

[MyLou]

((((((((((((( Susan ))))))))))))))


Thank you , you are also special and have a wonderful soul. Yes you made me smile/laugh too. Remember the New Years Eve party that was fun

I do find joy in our new puppy too.  I have my cat Savanna she just loves me. I can't think of not being here for her.

I guess just promising Lou and I am so stuck figuring this new/life. That has made me feel I failed.  It will be 19 mths for me on the 22nd. 

Always,
Lisa

[arthur]

Hi Lisa..when I read what you wrote the words echoed inside my soul...i felt the same way..I've felt like 1/2 of me is here and the other 1/2 left this world. Hang in there Lisa.  ((((((Lisa))))))) arthur

[MyLou]

Hi Arthur,

I know what you mean I feel the same.  When Lou left earth 1/2 my soul & heart left with him.  The other parts are in a million pieces.

You hang in there too my friend

(((((((((((( ARTHUR )))))))))))

Always,
Lisa

[Jean D]

Lisa,

I understand the pain you are in. There are days that I think I have a handle on what life I have left and then there are days I know I do not and may never.  I sometimes find joy in doing things and then I turn on a dime and spiral out of control.  I just don't understand why all our lives have to be like this now.

Big hugs to all of us...and a special hug ((((((((((((((LISA)))))))))))))) for you.
Jean

[sonya]

((((((((Lisa)))))))))))

'I know what you mean I feel the same.  When Lou left earth 1/2 my soul & heart left with him.  The other parts are in a million pieces. '


Lisa you have put into words so simply that which I have so struggled to express. Thank you. I am going to blatantly steel it! - if u dont mind.
Its so weird being this other-wordly person. Like some B movie half person.

So sorry you feel like this, but so glad u have shared it as I feel the same way too.

Son xxx

[MyLou]

Jean

Thank you and a special hug to you (((((((((((((((((( JEAN ))))))))))))))))))))

I know you are still new on this journey, and I don't understand why we all have to be here either. ugh

Always

Lisa

[MyLou]

((((((((((((((( Sonya )))))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry too, you are in pain 

You didn't steal anything it's how you feel too. I'm glad I could help you put in into words. It's just so sad though.

Yes, we are just 1/2 person and I wonder if we will ever feel whole again.

Always,

Lisa

[johnkmurray]

((((Lisa))))

 All I can say is ditto. I had the conversation with Kit about a month before she died, the one where she made me promise to geet on with my life afterwards. I made the same promise, thinking "after a year". How foolish that seems now, and how that promise based on such ignorance now makes me feel like I failed her because I haven't moved on, haven't rejoined the world of the living. More than two years have passed and at best it is a half life, a few hours spent with friends in the world outside, the rest hiding in the house with my memories.
I've never been so depressed for so long, or had such dark thoughts as these last 26 months. Getting up each day is a chore. I lay in bed wishing the world would just bugger off and leave me alone ... go to work, eat, sleep, an endless cycle of killing time while I wait for the day we're together again.

John

[DaveB]

Wishing you peace too, Lisa. I wish I could say something comforting. All I can do is commiserate.

[MyLou]

((((((((((((( John )))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry.  It's so true.  How do we live again?  It's hard and we have to push through each day.  

I know the dark thoughts to well.  

I cry for me , for you and all of us.

I wish I had that magic wand. I wish I could stop the pain for us all.

Sending you peace, love and hugs 

Always,

Lisa

[MyLou]

((((((((((((((( Dave )))))))))))))))

You wishing me peace is comforting. I wish I could stop your pain too.

Sending peace, love and hugs

Always

Lisa

[Terry]

((((Lisa))))

 All I can say is ditto. I had the conversation with Kit about a month before she died, the one where she made me promise to geet on with my life afterwards. I made the same promise, thinking "after a year". How foolish that seems now, and how that promise based on such ignorance now makes me feel like I failed her because I haven't moved on, haven't rejoined the world of the living. More than two years have passed and at best it is a half life, a few hours spent with friends in the world outside, the rest hiding in the house with my memories.
I've never been so depressed for so long, or had such dark thoughts as these last 26 months. Getting up each day is a chore. I lay in bed wishing the world would just bugger off and leave me alone ... go to work, eat, sleep, an endless cycle of killing time while I wait for the day we're together again.

John

((((((((((((((((John)))))))))))))))