How Long Does It Take???

[amy]

Lauren E

I think that my main fear is that there are no answers.

I dont think anyone knows what is actually out there if anythign at all, because if they did we would all believe in one thing wouldnt we?

I think we search and then choose to believe in what makes the most sense to us an individual.

I just have one problem with that, i dont want to research all the theorys and beliefs to find at the end maybe there is nothing, or nothing that amkes sense.

Amy xx

[laurenE]

There are always answers my dear.   Always.    And if we all agreed on the same thing we would be called robots.   We each have a mind  and free will that we each use in different ways.  Thats what makes us special and unique. 

You dont have to read everything on a subject.   I chose the easy way...I asked people who had already studied religion so that I didnt have to go look it all up.   Just go ask the experts...pastors,   priests,   etc etc.   They have thoroughly studied it and have had experience in it as a career.   I know it helped me to talk to someone and have them explain it, rather than me having to read and try to understand it all.   That wouldve taken too long and I get too impatient.   

[Lonnie]

Hi Amy: I know that I am getting in on this discussion rather late, but I just wanted to say that God will let you know He is real if you genuinely ask Him to. This can happen in many ways, and not all of them are dramatic. Sometimes you just know in your heart. You don't know all the answers, but you don't have to. Look at nature, look at children laughing, consider a Creator who was sensitive enough to invent tears as a release for our deepest emotions-marvel at the beauty and intricacy of the human body and the way it all works. Reflect on the self sacrifice that is a part of genuine love, the way the rainbow appears after the rain-flowers in spring-snowflakes all uniquely different. And most of all, the desire we all have to believe in Someone greater than ourselves-in the hope that we have a purpose to this life, and that He has a plan. If I did not have this hope I would be most miserable. But the hope has become assurance for me. When I am all alone, and everyone has forsaken me, there is One who never will, one who cradles me in His arms, and even weeps with me. He believes in me, even when I doubt myself, and loves me in spite of my shortcomings. He is the Prince of Peace, and He is also "Abba"-Daddy. He is a Friend that sticks closer than a brother, faithful through all things. I love a song that says, "When you can't trace His hand...trust His heart." I also have had my faith crisis. And yet, when I had shaken my fist at Him and shouted my disappointment, I found that He loved me still. And I found myself running into His arms. How could I not? His love captures me, and I surrender. Where else would I go? I pray that you will find the peace and reassurance that you are searching for. It may not be something the mind can entirely understand. They call it faith. Keep questioning, and keep looking. He waits for you longingly and lovingly. Hugs-Lonnie

[amy]

I envy your faith. I wish I could believe in something so whole heartedly.

I do understand the need for hope and the need to belong to something bigger and more worthwhile, I just have trouble in commiting myself to it, I just have so many questions that just dont seem to be ansewered.

Maybe it is that the human mind cant deal with all that information, maybe if we were to know the "bigger plan" it would be too much for us too handle or maybe there just isnt one.

I really really dont know and I am one of those people who needs to see to believe and I have to look at the evidence and the facts.

It does get a little too much for me sometimes, sitting thinking consatntly about why it happend, is there something else and if so what is it? It gives me a headache!!

I tend to go along with the big bang theory, there seems to be so much evidence to this theory and it makes alot of sense but this theory leaves me without hope cause that says we are born, we reproduce and we die and that is pretty much it. I sometimes feel quite upset by this thought and find myself wishing there was more and then I think well i am sitting here wishing there was something else and maybe thats where religion comes from the need for more, for hope and its something we have created over generations to help us deal with grief and illnes and tragedy. Which isnt a bad thing cause it gives people comfort but that doesnt make it true.

So who knows? Well I certainly dont I wish I did more than anything I wish I knew the answers, I wish I knew for certain cause this constant speculation drives me mad.

I hope that your right and there is a hevan where I will be with him again, I want that more than anything in the world and yet I really struggle to believe thats the case.


Feeling lost and confused

Amy

[dht]

Dear Amy
How long does it take? I think a life time.It has been two and a half years for me since I lost my husband suddenly from a massive heart attack and it has been a long ,long journey and grief wears so many hats and the emotions are so like the ocean from tidal waves to calm and then the swells come and go again without warning.I feel your pain and all your questions and doubts.It is the most difficult road one has to travel in a lifetime when you loose the other half of you but by just taking one day at a time and in the beginning sometimes it is a minute,an hour at a time little by little we begin to be able to tread water just for a bit and then eventually we can keep our heads above water for long periods of time and before we are even aware we begin to row for shore again.Life will never be the same but if we just feel or dont feel what is happening at the given moment we begin to make our way .I know from reading your posts that I am much older than you but age doesnt matter,dont rush the grief process just let it happen so you take five steps forward and ten back that is okay,we all do that.JUst keep posting and pour out what you are feeling and that will help you more than you realize right now.Somehow we make it and we do have lives again,not what we would chose and very different but we are all here on this earth for a reason and yes I do believe we will be with our loved ones again some day.Hang in there and just take it one day at a time,do what you need to do for you,believe me I never thought I would survive nor did I care in the beginning but as time has passed I cant believe the gifts I have been given in little ways that I smile and say "thankyou"I will love and miss my husband forever but the love has not died but goes on only now it is on a different level than when he was on this earth with me and I am beginning to find that I am falling inlove with him all over again only on a different plain if that makes aany sense.
Take Care of you
Dawne

[Lonnie]

Dawne: Just wanted to say that your post really touched me, and that is a lovely way to put it about falling in love all over again. I know since the death of my dad, I have appreciated all that he was, and all that he did even more. How blessed we are to have wonderful loved ones that we miss so deeply! Hugs-Lonnie

[pattie40]

Amy


If your Luke believed in God,  then He is in a perfect place
called heaven where there is no pain. But who knows, perhaps he
will forever be your guardian angel.
I do believe that we carry our loved ones in our heart forever,
so he is with you ,  just not in the flesh like we want.


I'm a pagan,light worker and just like you i feel that my Wolf is forever in my heart. That is also the place where our spiritually lives.
For me the God and Goddess are always close, I just need to touch my heart
and i know they are there.


" I have always found it difficult to believe even since a child,
i just cant get my head round making the world in seven days, and
some of the other stuff that is written. I do believe in something
but the bible is just too much for me to grasp."

My faith has taken me through some really tought times. I except all prayer
no matter what faith they are comming from. I just told my mother inlaw that i'm a witch.
She didn't know for the 26 years I've been with her son, out of respect to her and her faith. They are Meninite.
I tried to explain our service to her. We got to  talking about passages in the bible and we disagreed on some points, untill she told me her interpatation of the God of the old testesment and the God of the new testesment.

I believe in the cycles of rebirth. I will meet my Wolf again. her interpatation of
the old and new was that the God of the OLd tesesment was reborn in the God of the new testment....AKA  .. J.C.... So that the old deity could understand the emotions of human man and relate to human exsistence. Our pain and sorrow our joy and our love. I always though that they were two different deities. one really hard and one filled with compassion.

Well her statment gave me a better understanding of how she looked at things. She still loves me. i'm glad.


""Now there are my two possible beliefs which is true im not sure if either, and i do appreciate your answers but i still have the thought of religion being something humans created, for hope, faith, rules to live by, power(centuries ago religous figures were powerful). If there is just
one god, why so many different religions? why so many wars over religion?""

If every one could respect the differences that religion have and not get so up in your face about who's is right. the world would be a better place. Most of the religions of the world have the same themes running through their holy books. hope ,love ,kindness and peace     if only all people embraced this in their hearts.
Faith is a powerful tool. Many doctors and scientist now believe that a person who is spiritually active heals better and quicker.

I hope some day you can find a path of spirituallity that will help fill the hole in your heart.

Bronti

 Great story.. thank you for sharing it.. so sorry for the loss of your dear friend.



  pattie

[amy]

Pattie 40

Thank you for your reply I found it really interesting.

I do like to think that luke is my guardian angel and that he watches over me and helps me whever he can.

I have an interest in spiritualism, meditation, mediumship, healing, hedge witch ect although I am not sure if its a belief or just an interest.

Luke wasnt sure of my interest in these subjects but i have loads of books on spiritual development, spells, crystals infact I put an ameythist in with luke when he was buried.

I have considered going to my local spiritualist church to see if i feel comfortable with it, even if its to learn more about it, rather than a belief.

It svery hard to know what to think or feel right now, i want to believe more than anything there is another plane where luke is there watching and waiting for me, but grief brings so many questions and makes you think so much more about life and its meaning.

Amy

[pattie40]

I do understand the need for hope and the need to belong to something bigger and more worthwhile, I just have trouble in commiting myself to it, I just have so many questions that just dont seem to be ansewered

I have considered going to my local spiritualist church to see if i feel comfortable with it, even if its to learn more about it, rather than a belief.

Well you won't know the answers untill you ask the right persons.many people vist different groups to get a feel of what spirltual messages the group is preachinh.. i have been to many and found a place with the pagan groups that filled my heart with love and peace. everyone has their own place that fits them to a tea.

don't give up on seeking the right group. only you will know if it is right. i know that my faith has helped me in the past, i'm hopeing that i t will help fill the hole in my heart.

my doctor gave me a low dose of meds to help me get to sleep .in my sleep  i see my husband strugle to take each breath, knowing that soon he will not breath at all. I'm struggling with my guilt. I shound not be guilty. I forfilled his wishes. My husband and i talked a lot about this. I feel guilty because i didn't leave him alone, we took shifts with him so he would die knowing someone was there and we loved him. watching him die has placed this guilt trip on me. I know the god/ddess took him in their gentle arms and helped him on his way to that next plane so to speak.

I'm trying to work this guilt thing out..i now know the struggle my mother inlaw had when her husband was kept on life support for a year. i know i did the right thing but my heart is not excepting this . i guess i want him back too much. he was my best friend and lover. time will tell..
got to go to bed....
meds kicking in
pattie

[amy]

I understand the feeling of guilt.

I have guilt that i didnt get to the crash scene to be with him as he died, I was at home being sick and passing out!!! The shock took over but I still cant forgive myself for not being there.

I have guilt that i didnt continue on to the hospital when he had just died to see him instead when i got the news my sister took me straight home, i wish i had gone to see him before he had been altered by the post mortem and ebalming.

I have guilt that he was driving my car at all, I was suppose to have gone out that morning but we had all the kids over and he said he would go instead I never stop wishing that I had gone like i was supposed to.

I cant get over the gulit or let it go and I really dont know what to say to you to help you with your guilt cause I feel very much the same.

Knowing your pain

Amy

[pattie40]

my son was here today to make sure i'm getting things done. i told him i got meds to sleep and can hopefully return to work soon. he is worried about the money not comming in and me losing the house Wolf and i dreamed of and worked so hard to get. i'm hoping that the guilt will become less as i watch my son fill his fathers shoes.

my son tried to start his fathers harley and he just could not get it to turn over.  it broke my heart because his father would of loved to show him how to ride. live to ride ride to live was his motto.
i know i have to go through probate before i can give him the harley, but the smile on his face when i told him he could have it was priceless.

i feel guilt because i let the love of my life go in a loveing enviorment
you feel guilty because you didn't each person reacts diffentely to every situation. i'm trying to get over this guilt because it will eat me up if i don't.

open up to the unverse. maybe the powers the be didn't want you to remember him as he looked after the accident. i bet he was not the landsome man who lives in your heart. look inside yoursef for answers. would he want you to rember him the way he looked after the accident. i think not.

who knows what the powers that be has in store for us.and why things happen the way they do.

i'm trying to work this guilt thing out.
will you also try to work it out..

 cause feeling like this  sucks...............and our husbands would not want that

he was my best frind and lover and i miss him
love and light
pattie

[patty]

Hi Amy, I always wondered about psychics/mediums, etc.  Have gone to a few but they were all duds.  So you actually encountered a woman who actually told you things that were true, that she couldn't have found out.  I wonder if you could give me her phone number either here or pm me with the information.   I wonder if she would do a consultation by phone.  I could call her from here (Venezuela).  If you are still in contact with her ask her if she would speak to me.  OK.  Thanks, Patty

P.S. I think people who love thier jobs, get to travel, have friends and family and activities probably do better about feeling better sooner. And I think that if you had a life of your own before the loss that would help, a separate identity of sorts.

    Thursday is 5 years since John passed, I can't believe I'm still here and sure don't know why.  I keep going with the hope of being reunited someday, that's all there is to look forward to.  Guess I'm one of the ones who will never be happy go lucky again,  I mourn not only my husband but the person I used to be.  I died the day he did.
   
    To wrap, your personal life situation makes a big difference as to how long it will take, that's my opinion.  Sorry for rambling, it's late, Patty

[amy]

Patty

yes I have been to several myself that were quiet obvioussly fakes, but this woman, well i just have no expanation for it i have tried thinking of ways she could of done it, even though she might be able to mind read but she told me things that hadnt happened then did and she cant read that from me.

I am in the UK didnt know if you knew that, I am not sure if she does telephone readings as usually uses the tarot as an aid which she asks you to shuffle but having said that she has not needed the tarot with me on several occasions as everything she has said has apparently come from my luke, its pretty amazing really and i am not easily convinced.

She has a secretary that makes her appointments etc and its a mobile number (cell i think you call it) 07749845108 as I said dont know if she does over the phone readings but its worth asking.

If you do please let me know how it goes.

Amy

[amy]

Pattie40

I am sure your right maybe there is a reason that I wasnt at the scene with him, Luke had severe head and face injuries, maybe I could never of let that image go had I been there, maybe Luke himself didnt want me to see him like that who knows?

As for him driving again who knows maybe this was all planned maybe there was a reason Luke had to die(although I will never no why) maybe we are all born with the day we die set and there is nothing we can do to stop it.

My problem is that I dont work well with maybe's, if's and but's I want to know the facts, I want to know why where and when I want to know the ins and outs of it all and I know that i will continue to question things and beat myself up over things till the day I die cause nobody has those answers only what they choose to believe is true there is no facts and no evidence for anything and that is what I struggle with the most i think.

I cant just have faith in something to believe its true I need to see it for myself and have evidence to back it up. I often wish I wasnt that way cause in the long run it courses me nothing but heartache because I have nothing to comfort me or hold on to and i wish I did.

Regards

Amy x

[Lor]

I have been reading the postings by everyone on the "how long" part of this.  I am very new to it and very sad that the hurt will not go away tomorrow.  I tell people I want him back, I tried to wake him at the funeral home.  Nothing works.  Did you all see the movie Ghost?  I want him to come to me like he did her so I can tell him how much I loved him.  I think he would be watching over me but then he is free from pain and worries and sad things and he is just experiencing the joy of where he is and I would not take that from him, but it was too soon.  He left me on a Friday, his memorial was on Sunday and from Sunday night on his four adult children from his first marriage have been mean, nasty and vile.  The things they have said just compound my pain.  I have been open about some of the things I said innocently or because I was an emotional blithering idiot, which I am still near to being.  It got so bad I called a crisis counselor at mental health.  I called the police because of threats, they said it was harassment and unless the son making the threat was at my door, nothing they could do.  They have been angry when I would not give them something of his.  The memorial was on Sunday morning and they were at my house "raping" his room within hours.  I barely had time to go through things.  I found some letters he had written, just expressing himself, not anyone really and certainly not to his children.  I shredded them, they were personal and I know he would not want them reading those letters.  They are angry because I deprived them.  Where were they all the years he suffered, not with him.  I was, always, 24/7.  Not one minute of my day for the last 5 years has gone by where he did not tell me of his pain that I could not help.  Just so much emotion and anger and now one of his children, the one who left me out of the obituary, is wanting to come over so she can escape from her little ones and grieve with me.  I don't want her here, I don't want any of them here.  She did apologize but there has been no corrected obit I notice.  His mother and siblings have been a godsend.  They are many states away but they deplore the actions of these adult, immature children.  His ex wife was also in my house as she came here for his memorial and she had the nerve to add a comment to his obituary that he would be proud of his children.  I do not for one second believe that.  There is just no making any of this right.  They are angry at me and they should be angry at themselves that they ignored him so much.  They did not want to deal with him or his pain.  I tried to understand that maybe their anger was also part of their grieving but to cause so much hurt and pain at me is wrong.