anniversary

[gaberax]

Jason,

For what it's worth:  I am going out on a date tomorrow night.  I met a lady on EHarmony.  I was so lonely for so long.  We have been communicating for a couple of weeks.  I haven't told my children or my wife's sisters yet.  In my mind it is just a date, just a chance to sit, relax and spend some time with a lovely woman.

I was faithful to Denise for 16 years.  I love her then, and now and always will.  But I think my heart is catching up with my head...Denise is gone and will never return.  I will always miss her and wish we had more time together.  But that will never be.  I am on my own now.

Denise told me she wanted me to love again, should something ever happen to her. And I had told her the same.  I will never forget her or stop loving her.  I would want her to love again.

I have cried non-stop for the last year.  I have mourned and grieved for her every moment of every day. It has been sad, depressing and hopeless.

But our love was better than that. It was great...the greatest love I have ever known.  I will not spend the rest of my life crying and feeling bad about what we had. I have mourned the loss of Denise and the love we shared.  Now it is time for me to stop crying and look to the future.  I can't stay where I have been for the last year. Denise wouldn't want me to.  She loved me.

[stampingwidow]

Bravo, it sounds like you are ready to take this next step.  I hope you have a great date and if not at least it is progress.  It is too early for me to contemplate such a thing but it sounds like it is time for you to do so.  My Grandfather was married for over 25 years to my grandmother.  They were very happy.  He was almost suicidal when she was gone.  He later met someone and the relationship worked.  He was married for over 25 years too.  They were also happy.  The two women were almost opposites but both relationships worked.  It can work.  Do not be surprised if this is difficult for your family to accept.  It was very difficult for his family. 

On the other hand do not rush into a relationship due to loneliness.  Be as careful of this relationship as you would want a son or daughter going into a new relationship to be.  Many times those that are widowed rush into a relationship and end up in a bad situation.  I also had a grandmother who lived to regret getting remarried.  Once they were married he tried to get all her money, was dishonest etc.  Just go slow & be careful as you work your way thru this next step in your life.

[arthur]

Hi Jason..I think its great that you have found a lady friend that may turn into something more. I agree with Pam ..if it feels ok with your spirit, go for it. But I also think Pam hit it on the nose when she said to proceed with caution for obvious reasons, not the least of which is how you are doing with your own grief.  Lets face it..we are not going to stop loving our spouses ever,but our lives will go on.  I agree with Gaberax, we eventually have to rebuild our lives sometime and look towards the future. We have to move on. It sounds like you maybe ready to do that. I hope something develops for you out of this relationship with your lady friend. God knows good honest friends and real romance are scarce in the dating world. Maybe she is the one for you!

Good luck Gaberax on your date. I know it is a pale candle to the wonderful marriage you had..but it is a new beginning.

I guess I should confess also that I have met a wonderful gal on a dating website and have been dating her for 2 months.  Its quite a mental adjustment going from a marriage to dating..the expectations of my previous marriage don't apply to the new lady I'm dating, a fact that I struggle with sometimes. But I consider myself very fortunate to have met her. Hopefully it will not blow up in my face:)

[gaberax]

Thank you, stampingwidow and Arthur, for your words of encouragement.  I am proceeding very slowly and cautiously, acutely aware that I am vulnerable.  One step at a time.

Arthur, good luck with your relationship as well.  May you find some happiness and peace.

Bob

[jasonkl]

Wow I was not expecting such the replies I have got on this. Arthur and Bob I have to say that is good you are both reaching out, it is very encouraging. Also nice to know I am not alone in my fears. I wish the best for you.

Ray everything you said is what was running through my head. I have been in contact with many many old acquaintances from the past it seems the passing of a loved one can reconnect people who have lost touch. Most of the old and new friends I have been in touch with are what my wife would have thought of as safe. They are recently widowed or happily married. This is one is  divorced has been for some time, and I don not know what to expect. Our only contact in the past was she was a nurse who worked with my baby bother when he was still here. I think what  shocked me the most was after we had spoken on a number of times. I told her how I felt, how uneasy I was, and how guilty I was feeling. Her response was not what I was expecting, for her to tell me she understands and was waiting for that to come up. I honestly was not ready for that. I expected not to her from her again. but to my surprise she still takes my calls. I am in no hurry for this to go past a friendship, I am taking my time.
 Thanks again

Jason

[browneyedgirl]

Bob - I hope you enjoy yourself tonight.  Like you said, just a chance to go out and enjoy another's company.  You deserve it. Please tell us how it went if you like.  Beautiful post.......yes, Denise would want to you love again, as I would hope that my spouse would love again should anything happen to me.  It wouldn't be the same love, but still that wonderful feeling when you are in love.....

Arthur - I am happy for you, my friend! I think it's wonderful that you have found someone whose company you enjoy. 

Jason - do not be surprised at the compassion she is showing you.  You said she was a nurse - which means to me she is a caring person...and has probably dealt with her own losses along the way.  Enojy it for what it is for the time being - which looks like what you are doing =) 

[Zylen]

...

[jasonkl]

((((((((((Kevin)))))))

My friend I was distracted for most of the day. Between my children watching me all day and friends and family checking on me I was almost never alone with my thoughts. I also broke down on sunday, which I think made Tuesday easier.

In the evening my thoughts were filled with concern  for my children, At about 7 pm my children all received the same text massage, one of their friends was killed in an auto accident. This tragic event has shifted my focus off of my grief and on to theirs. This is place I am still at today.

I think we all handle these days the best we can. I feel you are right that the time leading up to the date is worse than the actual date it self. to be honest I now find myself breaking down on days than have no meaning at all. I guess this is just part of my journey.

Thanks for listening
Jason

[browneyedgirl]

((((jason and kids)))))

I am so sorry for the loss of your children's friend.