Author Topic: Coping After 2 Years (or lack thereof)  (Read 222 times)

Lazy_panda

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Coping After 2 Years (or lack thereof)
« on: July 31, 2019, 04:16:15 PM »
I'm not too sure how to start this, so I guess I'll open with an introduction.

My name is Parker, I'm nonbinary, born female. I'm 18 and I lived with my grandmother for most my life but now live with my father. I lost my birth mother two years ago. She was murdered, as some people took advantage of her mental illness to put it simply.

I didn't get to grieve properly. My grandmother nor my brother could read (on a comprehensive level) so all the planning fell into my lap. Next thing I knew for three days I was on autopilot. I couldn't feel otherwise I'd spend the whole day in my feelings. And I had a mission.

But when she was buried, I wasn't really allowed to grieve. Things still called for my attention. I kept putting it off until everyone was convinced I was okay. So when I did want to say something or emote, people thought I was weird and being overly emotional or attention seeking.

Now I'm in a weird place where I'm stuck. I can't feel things properly.  I can't communicate, and I'm constantly dwelling. I should've been able to move on but the circumstances of our relationship (because of her mental illness she couldn't be a proper motherly figure in my life) and the general loneliness I feel... I still can't cope properly. I feel like I've got one leg. What's worse is I don't have anyone to talk to about my emotions and observations. I feel trapped.

I just want someone to talk to all of this about. Someone who won't just give me the same "I'm sorrys" and "I don't know what to says."