How do I go on?

[KathieS]

I’m new here and new to widowhood. My husband died unexpectedly less than a month ago. I was out of town when he had his heart attack. By the time I got there and they let me see him he was dying. We were married 42 years. There is so much to do to figure out how to live especially when I don’t know how/want to live without him. Yes I know 1 day at a time but everyday brings a challenge. What can I do?

[Terry]

((((Kathie))))

I'm so sorry to read of the death of your husband. It certainly is one day at a time, I agree. Tell us about him when you feel up to it.
We're here for you.

Hugs,
Terry

[Caspercat]

Hi Kathie,
I'm very sorry to read of your loss.  My husband passed away in December 2017 and it still hits me like a brick wall at times.  I know for me the first year I was in an endless fog.  I did manage to take part in a grief group where we went through a book called '8 Critical Questions'.  If you are able to, I would recommend looking into getting this book.  The author's name escapes me at this time. 

One thing I learned from attending the group was that it confirmed that I wasn't going crazy because I was forgetting things and breaking down at any time.  What I keep in mind when I start having a down period is that my husband would not have wanted to leave a legacy of depression and tears behind.  There will come a time when you can smile at all of the wonderful memories you made together.

Just remember to give yourself permission to grieve.  It is not your problem if someone cannot handle you crying when you need to, it is theirs.  Everyone's grief is different and someone who has not lost a partner really cannot understand what it is like.  Don't let anyone tell you how you should grieve because it is YOUR grief.

I wish you all the best on your grief journey, and remember to lean on the people around you when you need support.

[Tom]

Amen to the idea of giving yourself permission to grieve.  That is the basics of it all.  The healing of loss and grief is directly connected to being able to tell your story and finding the outlets to be able to do that. Sounds like you have done that well.  Losing a spouse is tough.  One of the things that I have heard repeatedly is that losing a spouse is losing the one person who really "knew your story" and that is a huge blow.