Author Topic: The love of my life needs to work on herself?  (Read 1222 times)


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The love of my life needs to work on herself?
« on: May 25, 2019, 07:16:20 AM »
Ok, so here goes. idk if  anyone can make me feel better about this situation but her. according to her she needs to find herself. let me give you all the back story...sorry if its a long read...
We met les than a year ago, in an online video game called overwatch. the circumstances for us to be matched together in that game were odd, we werent anywhere near the same level. yet we got grouped together anyways, we had a good time in the game and added eachother as friends, within the next couple days we played a bunch and talked a lot, even started direct messaging each other when we weren't online. i went on a vacation the following week after i met her, during that week we swapped phone numbers texted innumerable times, and even started calling. in that one week on vacation we spent over 60 hours on the phone. It was an immediate connection with her something id never experienced in my life, id told her things even some of my very best friends didnt know about me, talking to her, being myself and dropping all my walls was so damn easy it felt natural... in the months to follow our affection only grew deeper, we eventually lived on our phones keeping in contact nearly 24 hours a day 7 days a week, even falling asleep on the phone together every night, i visited her on our 3 month mark, she lived 2000 miles away from me, but the affection and connection were so real that it was impossible to ignore, it was intoxicating. my visit with her went phenomenal. i left and nothing changed we continued to live on our phones and planned the next phase of our life together. not once was i ever forceful or overly pressuring, i constantly asked if she was sure this is what she wanted and all that. she said yes everytime she loved me she is happy with me and wants to spend the rest of her life with me. at about the 4 1/2 month mark she was moving from one state to another this was planned before i even showed up, but since i am here in her life now she adjusted it to not moving back to her home state to live with family rather it was a pit stop she would spend some time with family and move to be with me and start our magical life together. so i went out there again and helped her move to her home state. i went home and nothing changed, everything was still pure love and affection, she had some issues with her taxes so i sent over some money, totaling in 2400 dollars, i was worried this is what she had roped me in for but she still emanated love and affection for me pure adoration, in fact she rather rushed herself to me within the month, so on our 5 month week she arrived in my home state (something we had decided) since i have children from a past marriage thus i am rather locked in my location for the time being. she has a son, but his father is passed so she had a little more freedom to go where she pleased, and she pleased to go to me. She was here for a little over a month, some things happened right before she arrived and when she arrived, before my car needed some repairs and cost me around 1000 dollars, and secondly the day after she arrived i went to work the next day and got let go. so that probably added to a lot of stress she already felt. while she was here in fact up to the day we had the discussion about her leaving everything was perfect i saw no signs of any distress or issues with us or her i mean the kids fought a little but there kids so they do that, like i said everything was perfect, maybe not the bills or our expenses but there were reasons for that and id already found another job so it would even out eventually. She had some trouble finding work, dont really have the best job market out where i am, but they say if ya want a job youll find a job doing something.... so she was amazing, everything she did for me i never asked for any of it. She did everything for me, when we showered she washed my body for me when we got out she oiled my beard put lotion on my hands, made me breakfast lunch and dinner at the same time everyday, she kept the house more tidy than id ever kept it, and all of this without a prompt from me. dont think i wasnt appreciative if i saw the house was cleaned i thanked her, every meal i thanked her, i told her how deep and affectionate her washing me and oiling my beard made me felt. i never missed a single opportunity to tell her how much i appreciated everything she does, how much i loved her, how happy she made me and, how complete my life was with her in it. she reciprocated all these same emotions back to me as far as i could tell.
Now when i met her she was technically living with her ex in a leased apartment, they had been broken up for months and she was moving when she did anyways. i just fell into place right before she did this...
So one day when i came home for my lunch break where she always had food ready for me and a smile and a kiss, we had a talk. she explained to me that since her sons father she has gone from one guy to the next constantly and she never really took anytime to grow with her son just themselves. after that one talk it was pretty much all over. she explained to me at length how it was nothing i did she loves me and i make her happy but this is something she has to do for herself and her son.
i devastated that there nothing i can do to change her mind. she booked her flight within 3 days of our first talk about it and she was gone the following week.
The real rub i feel in the part of my brain that overthinks everything is telling me i did something wrong, she has tried to tell me that i have done nothing wrong, but she is back in the state she was in before i met her not her home state. she is living with her ex until she can get a place of her own, she swears hes just housing her and its not like that. as far as i know she has never lied to me before and i can honestly say that the love and mutual respect we had for each other makes me want to believe everything she tells me, then another part of me says if it looks like a duck walks like a duck and quacks like a duck... its probably a fucking duck.
Since she has left, we have only talked on the phone once when she was having a crisis at her local DMV she called me to calm her down or something idk. we text back and forth but its nothing like it was before she goes huge lengths of time without answering me and thats fine shes trying to figure herself out i get it, but the responses seem forced or like she is unwilling to talk to me about anything these days, just yesterdaywe were talking and i had crossed the subject of drinking, shes been trying to diet, like a really strict one and i had asked if shed been drinking. where normally yould answer a friend idk if she thought i would judge her or not but she ignored the question when i asked she said she just doesnt care and she doesnt have to answer. we used to be so close and for things to change as drastically as they did i worry if there was some other reason. we've broken up cause as she explained she cant work on herself if she is constantly working on us and "checking in" i agreed to this because i have no choice. i tried to persuade her to keep us as a couple in her mind and just forget the rest contact me when she wants and dont worry about it. ill be here when she needs me. but she didnt agree with me. she doesnt seem like she wants to try and keep any of us alive at all.

Should i resort to leaving her be more often, so she can idk miss me or find herself and hopefully realize i am the man for her?
How can you love someone and walk out of there life, go from showering them with affection then treat them like you barely know them?
Do i wait for her to find herself and come back to me?
All i really want is for her to be happy and healthy... if that means not being with her ever again then so be it, although its not my favored ending if it makes her ok then im happy with it.

i asked her multiple times if she was out of love for me to tell me and let me deal with that now instead of later.. shes said everytime that she loves me and its nothing to do with me she just needs to work on her self independently...

Im a mess i do not know what to do, everything with her was so damn perfect, yea we had some money issues for the time being but a little budgeting and going without luxurys for a little while, would of evened it right out. 

Please someone advice me on what to do. what you think i should do anyways :( thanks for reading my post and the answers


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Re: The love of my life needs to work on herself?
« Reply #1 on: June 05, 2019, 09:08:32 AM »
Welcome to Webhealing.