Author Topic: Recent Loss of My Wife  (Read 235 times)

BrokenHeartedinMD

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Recent Loss of My Wife
« on: January 29, 2019, 09:42:52 AM »
Hello,

I am new to this site, and unfortunately I am now a widower. I lost my wife of 25 years on 1/1/19. She was only 64. She died of COPD. She was in bed for the last 18 months of her life and I was able to work from home and take care of her. We knew her death was coming and we were able to reminisce about our life together over the last few months of her life. I held her hand as she took her last breath. We met later in life and instantly had an attraction. We were inseparable over our 25 years. We were soulmates and she was the love of my life. She was my best friend, my lover, and I am a better person because of her. Until her death, that is...now I am crushed. My heart is broken and it is hard for me to think of life without her. I have gone through old pictures and home movies with an unquenchable thirst for seeing her and hearing her voice. She saved many of our old Valentine and Anniversary cards, which I have read over and over. It gives me comfort to see and hear her, but it also hurts because I know she is gone. I hold her pillows and her clothing, because she had such a beautiful scent. I am so incredibly sad and I struggle every day with just getting up and doing things. Life just seems so empty now. Any words of wisdom from fellow grievers would be appreciated, because I am feeling like I am going to die from a broken heart.

Zylen

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Re: Recent Loss of My Wife
« Reply #1 on: January 30, 2019, 08:08:24 PM »
Hi BrokenHeartedInMD,

Iím so very sorry for your loss. It does feel like you may die from a broken heart, and in some moments it feels like all it would take is a little push. I wish there was some magical formula or step program to follow, but everyone goes through grief in different ways and speed. Words of wisdom? I found some of these on this site...Take it day by day, even moment by moment. Try to take of you and eat and drink plenty of fluid. Some of the immense pain will lessen over time. Treasure those videos and pictures. Iíve gone through cards as well, and those memories sometimes help. For me it was a thought of honoring her memory by trying to be the person she fell in love with and not take a path of neglecting and destroying myself. Be with friends and family if you have them near you. Donít be afraid or embarrassed to ask for help. Someone else on this site put it very well when she said You have to go through it to get through it. I know that may not make much sense now. I hope anything of this helps. I know for me at first it didnít seem like anything would. Take care and I hope you find something and others on here to help you get through. Sending a hug your way. Zylen.

mousewife

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Re: Recent Loss of My Wife
« Reply #2 on: January 31, 2019, 12:16:58 PM »
BrokenHeartedinMD,
I am so sorry for the pain you are going through because of the loss of you soul-mate. I had a somewhat similar situation to yours, in that I was somewhat older when I met my husband. He was also my best friend. We had almost 22 years together before he died from Glioblastoma Multiforme brain cancer. He was only 50 when he died. It's been almost 12 years since he died. It's much less hurtful now, but sometimes its still difficult.
I agree with what Zylen has already written. But I'd also like to add that it's great that you have taken this step to reach out for some support. It takes courage to do that.
The healing process is different for each person. It takes a different amount of time for each person. All of the things that you have spoken of are normal responses to the profound brokenness and heartache that we experience.  I  remember a time when I physically ached to hear the sound of my husband's voice, and I too, was so grateful for video so I could hear his calming, beautiful voice. That does get better as time goes on. I also have three boxes of all of our cards. Those have comforted me and made me cry many times over the years of special days. Those too, have become seldom visited as time has gone on.
When you feel able, it is good to be around people who are understanding. These may not be family or current friends. You may need to find new friends who understand. This is a good place to start. A good grief group could also help.
For me, I became frustrated with myself because the pain did not leave me as soon as I wanted it to. Waves of sorrow took me down and left me at their mercy. I finally understood that it was best to let them take me. I learned that eventually my head would break the surface again. When that does happen, enjoy every moment of it without guilt. You will need the respite.
I hope this helps. I'm sorry you have to be here. But it is a good resource to have. I have not actually been here for a few years until a few months ago, when I needed a place to vent.

Peace and Healing,
Mousewife