BrokenHeartedinMD,
I am so sorry for the pain you are going through because of the loss of you soul-mate. I had a somewhat similar situation to yours, in that I was somewhat older when I met my husband. He was also my best friend. We had almost 22 years together before he died from Glioblastoma Multiforme brain cancer. He was only 50 when he died. It's been almost 12 years since he died. It's much less hurtful now, but sometimes its still difficult.
I agree with what Zylen has already written. But I'd also like to add that it's great that you have taken this step to reach out for some support. It takes courage to do that.
The healing process is different for each person. It takes a different amount of time for each person. All of the things that you have spoken of are normal responses to the profound brokenness and heartache that we experience. I remember a time when I physically ached to hear the sound of my husband's voice, and I too, was so grateful for video so I could hear his calming, beautiful voice. That does get better as time goes on. I also have three boxes of all of our cards. Those have comforted me and made me cry many times over the years of special days. Those too, have become seldom visited as time has gone on.
When you feel able, it is good to be around people who are understanding. These may not be family or current friends. You may need to find new friends who understand. This is a good place to start. A good grief group could also help.
For me, I became frustrated with myself because the pain did not leave me as soon as I wanted it to. Waves of sorrow took me down and left me at their mercy. I finally understood that it was best to let them take me. I learned that eventually my head would break the surface again. When that does happen, enjoy every moment of it without guilt. You will need the respite.
I hope this helps. I'm sorry you have to be here. But it is a good resource to have. I have not actually been here for a few years until a few months ago, when I needed a place to vent.
Peace and Healing,
Mousewife