Aproaching the 5 year Angelversary

[MissSteph4ever]

Its been a while since I have logged in to this forum but it seems i gravitate here when I need to vent privately and with no judgement. I am approaching the 5 year anniversary of the worst day of my life and its hitting me harder than I expected, I have been feeling very emotional about the fact that it will be 5 years on April 15th since I lost my 25 year old daughter Stephanie. I was reading posts that I have posted in the past and realize that I haven't really changed the ways I have been coping with the loss. I am still stuck and part of me will always will be stuck in denial, I don't want to accept the fact that I will never hear or see her again. I don't cry everyday anymore, I can go months at a time without having a crying spell because my heart now has scars and it usually takes a lot to break me down, a birthday, holiday or special memory but lately I cry easily, I feel like I have taken 10 steps backwards. It's so hard living everyday with a broken heart, you put on your fake smile and do what you got to do to try and survive but it gets tiresome just going through the motions day after day and now year after year. I don't know why this year is harder than last but it is. Today when I got to wok I just drove right by and came back home and called in sick because I just couldn't put on that fake smile today.

[Terry]

The time approaching their dates I've always found very difficult. The memories just come flooding in...they show no mercy. Some years are almost tolerable and then others can be torturous.
I'm glad to read that you're being gentle with yourself, allowing the time and space that you need to grieve for your precious  Steph. That's so important.

I wanted you to know that I understand and am sending you a big hug and my love.

((((((((Melissa))))))))

[barb0617]

Took me a few to figure out I had to log in to reply to your post.
Like you, I come here at the "special" times, when I need to be with those who know, who understand. I'm glad you were able to drive away from work that day to take care of yourself. It's 19 years since I lost my son Jim to a car accident, 11 years since his older brother Tom ended his life in suicide. I've done a good job rebuilding my life without my sons. I have two surviving daughters, two awesome grandkids. But still I struggle with Mothers Day without my boys. Still.