Jules,
I'm so very sorry that your precious son has died and I understand this pain is unbearable at times. We all do the 'what ifs' and the 'could of and should ofs' but it only complicates an already long road ahead to grieve in a healthy manner. I've been there. We've all been there. Guilt is a monster and an unforgiving one. It takes so much time to forgive ourselves for something we feel we 'should' have done.
I wish I could make your pain go away. But all I have is an ear and a shoulder and an understanding of how devastating it is to lose a child....at any age.
I've buried all three of my children. It's like losing a limb but we always feel the pain of that absent limb.
Sending you hugs, love and my understanding.
Welcome to Webhealing.
Love,
Terry