Author Topic: I lost my only sibling and brother  (Read 11578 times)

Tims_sister

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I lost my only sibling and brother
« on: January 20, 2007, 02:22:16 AM »
I am new to this forum but not to my grief. I lost my only sibling and brother on July 20, 1998. He was only 29. He had Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. He went through many rounds of chemo, radiation that burned a hole in is side and a bone marrow transplant. He was diagnosed in December 1996 and suffered the last few years of his life. I never thought I would grow old without him. He was my best friend, uncle to my two daughters, Godfather to my oldest and son to my mom and dad. Which by the way, I recently lost my dad too in April 2006 on his 76th birthday. It's been so long since his death that it seems like a dream that I ever had a brother. I was very angry for a long time. So angry at his funeral that I refused to let anyone touch me or give me a hug. It just wasn't right that he was gone. It still isn't but I have learned over the years that every life that touches ours has a meaning, a purpose. His was to help my mom through some really tough things from her past. With his death she suffered two nervous breakdowns that lead her to the therapy she's been needing for many years. He would have now been a granduncle. My oldest daughter just had a baby girl in October 2006. She looks just like my dad too. It really hits home when new things happen, that he's really gone. I just hope that when dad went "Tim" was there to meet him. That's the last thing my dad said, "I'm going to see "Tim" as a tear trickled down his cheek.

Anyway, I just thought I would share and see if anyone else is now an only child. It sure is hard after 29 years to suddenly become an only child again.

My thoughts and prayers out to all of you.
Karen
"Life's a Journey, Not A Destination"

4EVRdarrensSIS

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Re: I lost my only sibling and brother
« Reply #1 on: January 20, 2007, 11:32:42 AM »
hi karen.  i'm shelley darren's sister.  i am so sorry to hear about your loss.  i too lost my only sibling- darren- at 29 also to cancer.  reading your blog was almost like hearing myself think!  my brother also suffered to much and fought as hard as he could.  though he did not fight for himself...i believe he fought for those that loved him b/c he knew how hard it would be for us that were left behind.  when you say he felt like a dream i about started crying....you understand.  my brother has been gone since may 23, 2002 and i feel like he just lived in a dream of mine.  that for 24 years of my life (almost 25 he died 9 days before my birthday) was a dream.  my whole life all i knew was life with my brother and suddenly that was all gone.  suddenly i was alone.  faced with growing old without him.  he will never meet my children.  i'll never be an aunt.  our children will never play together.  he won't be able to help me with the hard things that lay ahead with my parents as they age.  i'll have to burry them alone.  that scares me.  i don't like to think about those things simply b/c it is what it is.  i got married october 2005 and that about sent me into a nervous breakdown.  it's like reality just came up and slapped me in the face....HE'S GONE.  that whole dream thing...i totally relate.....i'm sorry that we relate but relieved that someone else feels the same way.  my dad will sometimes say that each day he lives is a day closer to seeing darren.....how true.  another user on this sight by the name middle sis gave me this quote from a poem and it really is very true....so i hope she doesn't mind that i pass it on....."To lose ones sibling is to lose ones self, for part of me is gone."  isn't that the truth.  part of us died right along with our brothers the day they passed awy.  we will never be the same.  we have to find some kind on normalcy in a world that makes no sense to us.  we have to begin to, in a way, recreate who we are.  i'm sorry about your father as well....but it's neat that he is now finally with his son.  after all these years.  of course it's easy for me to say that....i just hope that when the day comes that i have to deal with that i will be strong enough to believe that. 
anyways...i say all that just to say you are not alone.  thank you for your post and sharing tim with us.  you have helped me more than you know!  take care of yourself!  one day at a time is all we can do and just pray that we make them proud of us!
~shelley ~4evr darren's sis~
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Sad Eyes

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Re: I lost my only sibling and brother
« Reply #2 on: January 24, 2007, 08:45:48 AM »
Tim's sister,

So sorry for you loss.  I too have become an only child because of the death of my sister (cancer) and my brother (murder).  My parents are now deceased too.  When people ask if I have any brothers or sisters, I don't quite know how to respond.  If I answer honestly, I get way too many questions about what happened.  But I feel horrible when I say I don't have a brother or sister.  I guess that there is no right or wrong way to handle this issue.  Does anyone have any suggestions??

laurenE

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Re: I lost my only sibling and brother
« Reply #3 on: January 24, 2007, 02:50:31 PM »
Sad Eyes,

Tough situation.   Personally I would answer "yes", "but none living",   simply because they will always live in your heart.   It would be up to you if you would want to elaborate on that answer, but you certainly dont have to.   


Sad Eyes

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Re: I lost my only sibling and brother
« Reply #4 on: January 25, 2007, 07:04:25 AM »
Thanks Lauren, I will try this.  My brain usually turns to mush when people start asking questions about my family.

gwen

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Re: I lost my only sibling and brother
« Reply #5 on: March 23, 2007, 06:06:27 PM »
Im new to this site, but i lost my only sibling my sister to cancer it is very hard not having her here to talk to, we lost our parents when we were kids so all we had was each other all these years, she just died march 16th she was 50 im 53 we talked every day, im so alone all i do is cry,I told her mom and dad would be there waiting for her when she crossed over, and im sure they were. Its just hard knowing all of your family has died and you are alone, Im glad this site is here im sure there is other people here that can relate to me I hope to talk to someone take care and God Bless you all  Gwen

lisa

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Re: I lost my only sibling and brother
« Reply #6 on: April 01, 2007, 07:18:27 AM »
hi, sad eyes, gwen, lauren,shelley.  I, too, recently lost a siblilng - but not my only one, and my brother's death was self imposed.  he was 28, almost 29.  we don't know why...but in answer to your question, sad eyes, I will always have a brother, and part of him is always going to be with me.  that is how I look at it.  I would not be the me I am today if it wasn't for him, in part.  my daughter looks so much like the jonathan I remember from growing up - that , too, will keep him alive in some way.  perhaps this is so wrong, psychologically, but it is what works for me.  but when people ask, I say I have a brother and a sister, even though jon is gone.
I recently also lost my dad to any one of a number of ailments, not the least of which was cancer.  I know what it is like.  I just hope we can all just continue to share - it is helping me tremendously...even though nothing short of bringing my brother back, will really mend this wound.