Hi Paul,
I'm very sorry to hear of the loss of your precious Mandy. If a person has never been through the death of their spouse, they cannot possibly understand the pain. In local grief groups I have attended one of the biggest points they tried to get across is that you must give yourself PERMISSION TO GRIEVE. If someone around you (like in a grocery store) looks at you funny, turns the other way, or changes the subject when you are having a moment, it is their problem to deal with, not yours. I too have family members that are very 'fake' and those are the ones that I avoid because they don't enhance my life. Someone in one of my groups mentioned that there are grieving pins that one can wear so that others around you know what is up when you have a meltdown. I had one close friend that when I told her the news of my husband's death she started to turn the conversation to be about her. I promptly told her that I needed to say goodbye to her for now because I could not offer the support she was obviously looking for. There may be a day when I look her up again, but now is not the time. I hope you can find peace with your in-laws, or are able to surround yourself with people and/or support groups that can give you the caring and support you need at such a difficult time.