Does the question WHY ever go away?

[Gail08]

Do you ever stop asking "Why?"  It has been a few years since my friend hung himself  and I still ask WHY?.  I can't help but wonder if I missed the signs that something was wrong.  He seemed fine.  In fact, the last time I saw him which was just hours before he ended his life, we were laughing and having fun.  He seemed very happy when we said goodby to each other.  But then just hours later he was gone.  When I found out the next morning my heart was completely broken in two. 

He helped me in ways he never realized.  He took it upon himself to help me without being asked and that meant so much.  He got me through a very difficult time and now I will never get to say Thank You to him. That is something I still struggle with.  How do you accept not being able to do something that you want to do so badly?   

[Terry]

Over the years I've had two great losses due to suicide. There were no signs with both. While working in a rehab with the VietNam vets many years ago (right after the war) some of the guys shared with me that they really wanted help and their cries (attempted suicides) were for just that, help. If they really didn't want anyone to know then no one would.
I understand what you've shared here and I agree that there are times when there are signs but we don't see them especially when it's someone who we're very close to because that closeness clouds our judgement. There was a boy in school who used to always say that he *didn't want to be here anymore*. It upset me and I had a bad feeling so I told my parents and they talked to the boy's parents. I remember, so well the day and the plans they had made to meet. A few months later that boy was found dead in his bedroom.

I understand the mixed feelings you shared. We ultimately accept that we're only human and we make mistakes. I don't believe that there's anyone who doesn't feel regret for either something they've done or not done.

I don't know if that helps or not but it is what it is.

Hold on to hope, Gail.
Love,
Terry

[Veronica1992]

Indeed, almost always close people try to understand why a person did it. We are tormented by a sense of guilt for not having noticed, doing nothing. This is very hard and bitter.