Author Topic: Lost and Sad  (Read 3092 times)

ConnieH

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Lost and Sad
« on: September 25, 2016, 10:36:08 AM »
My husband passed away a week ago.  I did so well at the funeral where he was honored by the Navy, Army, Coast Guard and the American Legion.  I knew once I started to cry I wouldn't be able to stop.  I held my emotions in all day long....came home and couldn't stop crying.  I mess my Eddie so much and just feel so lost.  Eddie had Dementia and was Legally Blind for the last couple of years.  We were together 24 hours a day for many years.  Just the two of us here and out and about too.  We have no children and no family right here in town.  I can't seem to make myself leave home.  I have been here alone for five days, but seems a better alternative rather than going out alone and Heaven forbid someone ask me where Eddie is..........  I know he is in Heaven.  He was such a good and loving man and prayed many times a day.  Even though I know he is "In a better place" as everyone seems to say.  It still doesn't help me to stop missing him and wanting him to be here.  How to I go on and how to I get myself to take that first step out of the house?

Terry

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    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
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Re: Lost and Sad
« Reply #1 on: September 27, 2016, 01:08:43 PM »

(((((Connie)))))

I'm so sorry to read of the recent death of your precious husband, Eddie. Try to focus on taking care of yourself right now by eating healthy, drinking plenty of water, resting/sleeping and going for a walk every day. Grieving can be very hard on our immune system as the pain from a great loss affects both our minds and our bodies.

Post on the Spouse Loss board and you will receive support from others who have been and are still on the same journey as you are.

Sending hugs and understanding.
Love,
Terry

Pete (UK)

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Re: Lost and Sad
« Reply #2 on: October 21, 2016, 05:39:49 AM »
Dear Connie
I read your post and it triggered something in me; unbelievably (for me), it reminded me of my early posts after I lost my wife of 38 years, eight and a half years ago. I'm so sorry for your loss, and of course, for each of us the pain is different, but I can remember the deepest grief, yet only indirectly. Let me explain what I mean. As the days passed after her death I felt as though nothing was changing and that nothing could alleviate the agony and longing. People said to me that time will help, but that didn't make it any easier. For a long time I felt comforted in a strange way by my bereavement, it kept me close to her. I think after about six months, something changed, I realised, from a line in a song, that she was not coming back and that I had to try to move on. This was also a very hard time, but I worked at it. It was very much a case of 'two steps forward, one step back'. In the following six months I still suffered, but gradually I began to build up and savour new memories, I spent a lot of time with my son and daughter, and we helped each other by talking about Heather, my wife. I wish someone had told me the plain truth (for many people, though as I say we're all different), which is that no matter how you handle your grief, the heart seems to take care of itself, gradually, things eased for me. I read somewhere that there could be a time when I would experience days without thinking of her, but that seemed hard and disloyal. These days did occur, but I can't remember when, or how long after. Over eight years now, and there are times when she doesn't cross my mind any more than as a sweet memory, as if it all happened to someone else. We talk about her, and laugh all the time. Other advice I ignored was; sleep, eat and drink well, and look after your health. This is very important, it helps your immunity and gives you strength to continue. This is only my thinking on the subject. Please check out my early posts and you'll see that I was also lost and sad. It still saddens me when I think of her, but is a sadness that no longer burns inside me, it comforts me. I once thought I was an unlucky man to have lost her at the age of 56, but I now appreciate the fact that I was the luckiest to have ever even met her. Please accept my apologies for anything in this post which you might find callous or unfeeling, I am sensitive to your sad loss and just wish the best for your journey back to wholeness.

mjlasa

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Re: Lost and Sad
« Reply #3 on: October 29, 2016, 07:51:05 AM »
Pete
That was a beautiful post and I hope I can learn to move along like you did, still honoring her memory. Its only been 3 weeks so i'm on the edge of a cliff so to speak.
Michael