Very blue

[Adams Brokenhearted Mama]

I come to the site and don't see the activity here that I was used to seeing in the early days of my child loss. I wonder why? I hope that people are not losing children, that they are finding immediate help and coping better.
My Kaiti remains in prison and the wheels of justice grind very slowly. She has completed her parole violation and yet they will not release her. It is a cluster fu*k. I've been calling everyone and yesterday reached out to Albany where the head honcho's of Parole work. Maybe the lady I spoke to you yesterday will be able to unravel this mess and aid us. We are welcoming, once again, Kaiti into our home, this time it will be in Fl. where will be residing full time shortly. I can only hope & pray that G-d will intervene and instill her with a sense of peace so she doesn't need to seek it in the solace of heroin, lying & stealing.
Adam's 10th heavenly anniversary (9/6) is rapidly approaching, as as usual, I am quickly dissolving into a bucket of tears. I recall when Dena, our former moderator, posted about the 10th heavenly anniversary of her beloved son Josh, and I thought such a long time...and now, seemingly in a blink of an eye, here I am too.
The decision to move to Fl. came fairly lightly, but the process of selling, giving away, donating my life is very emotional. Photograph albums are a destroyer...seeing pictures of my Adam & Kaiti...unaware of what hardballs life would dish out to us. Sadness over missing my parents and inlaws. I'm just a weepy mess.
Craig's been out of work for 2+ years now and we are spending 24/7 together and that is a difficult transition. I'm finding fault with him and he with me. I don't understand why 2 people who love one another, made a life together, cannot truly communicate and accept one another.
So many fairy tale endings do not come to be.
Sad, very sad, I am today.
Your sister-in-grief,
Paula

[Terry]

I'm sorry, Paula that you're in so much pain. I do understand. Their dates can do terrible things to us both emotionally and physically.

It must be difficult, getting to know one another again after all of those years. We are so set in our own routines that when they merge the results are not always a success. Sometimes putting one day a week aside just for Paula and just for Craig without interacting, could help. You would both have to agree to see it through. Then every week you both would have that day to look forward to. It's me time. And, we all need it.

I can only imagine but assume that having Kait come back into your home is causing some anxiety for both you and Craig.

Holding you close with thoughts of your precious Adam, always in my heart.

Hugs & Love,
Terry

[barb0617]

I, too, Paula, wonder how these days bereaved parents survive without what we find here at  Webhealing. I still return in advance of the bad days. My Jimmy's 39th birthday is Thursday, September 8. We had him 21 years, he's been gone close to that long -17 years...  Retired now, I should be cleaning out and clearing out, but I resist and avoid because who knows what memories I'll uncover. I hope your Kaiti will come home soon. I hope the transition to FL will be a positive one for all of you. Even without the unique challenges of childloss, 24/7 in retirement, even for those with great love, can get a bit rocky. Be kind to one another. Be kind and patient. Know that I care.
Your sister in grief - Barb

[Adams Brokenhearted Mama]

TU Terry & Barb0617. It's terrible that we share this child loss commonality. I truly appreciate your hearts and reaching out to me.

[MissSteph4ever]

Paula, I can relate to what you are feeling about you and Craig. My husband Bill and I have become almost strangers since the loss of our daughter Stephanie 3 years ago. We seem to get on each others nerves most of the time, although we love each other, the intimacy we once shared is all but gone lately. We have both been working days for years and when we come home now we tend to avoid each other around the house. Bill is going on second shift starting next week and I am glad that he is because I need space, time to find myself again, time to throw myself on Stephanie's bed and cry when I want to, I feel like I have to hide my grief from him because he doesn't understand that I am still grieving and although the pain has softened it is still there. I find myself back here today because its Stephanie's birthday today and I am always drawn back to this forum around these times, birthdays, holidays and blue times. I hope things are working out for your Kaiti and she will be home soon.

[Adams Brokenhearted Mama]

TU for reaching out to me. Occasions are hurtful reminders of times when our angels were alive.