Author Topic: girlfriend wants to be independent n there is more....  (Read 1916 times)

tjf2191

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girlfriend wants to be independent n there is more....
« on: August 11, 2016, 08:16:07 PM »
hi everyone i never have done something like this before and would love some feedback.

I have been with this girl for 3 years and i feel like everything has been going so well. i am 25 and she is 28. and it was going well, till 2 weeks ago. she had a break down out of nowhere, and she told me that she is not who she was before , and she wants to find herself. well me not knowing what to do because i have never delt with this type of thing before kept asking her what she wanted. As time goes on she told me that she didnt want to make the wrong decision by trying to figure it out while being with me or without me. her family and friends love me as does she. mind you we live together and have been for the past 2 years. it comes down to it that she was going to get professional help and talk to someone. but at the same time she wanted space and also at the same time wanted to live with me while doing so . a week goes by and everything is going great and i asked her if she has talked to a doctor or anything and she had not. we got into little fights here and there but nothing to serious. one night i was out with her family at a cold play concert and i texted her that i hope she is having a great night and how much i love her and cant wait to see her. so the whole concert goes on and she hs not texted me back nd i figured she ws just working. i know she can text me back while she is working because of what she does. so i get a text back freaking out saying some shitty things. i get home around 1 am and she is laying in bed not saying anything. so i got pissed off and lost it saying how im sick of being in the dark and not knowing what i did wrong and what the problem is.. long story short i punched a hole in the wall because she knows how to piss me off and did it out of anger. (i fixed the hole) the fight was so bad i packed all my shit to get ready to leave . i waited till morning and slept on the couch before i decided to talk to her. i asked her again and she was still mad about the night before. so i waited for her to leave and i packed literally everything i owned and i left her in the house. she came home and i get calls of her freaking out saying im immature for doing that and yadi yadi yada. she threw the rest of my shit on the pourch.. i stopped answering her calls and texts, and later on the next day she was really upset and said she couldnt breathe ,and of couse becvause i care i had to say something. so after work i go over to our house, and she is laying down crying saying how she hates this ,and she doesnt know what to do and whatever..i told her this is what she wanted ,and she said she knows. i moved back into my moms house and have been letting her live in the house without me.she texted me recently .and said " i just want you to know that i truly think this is whats best for us. and we will work out. i already feel great going through a day with out arguing or feeling stressed. even tho theres still stress its just a rellief." so we talked a little bit here and there and i caught myself texting her more and more as time went on. i know i shouldnt of texted her....., i know i shouldnt have, it felt normal but im just not at home. so i started realizing that i want to be with this girl ,and i dont want to lose her but she has been texting me like noting has changed, except the arguing. and me  being there. so i texted her again and was looking at what i was writing. and i was fucking planning trips i want to do with her when this is over. and i said a couple more things and absolutly felt like i was screwing up. so really quick i wrote. " i just want you to know, that i have not been giving you the space that you need. i realize that you need it and i have not been doing my part. i just want you to know that i will not be contacting you as much as i have been. i dont want you to think im a bad person or anything but i feel like this is what needs to happen. " it was a bit more than that but thats the important things.

she texted me back saying how she was going to respond to those texts tomorrow when she doesnt have work and shit and stuff in front of her.. so i said ok, i understand ,,i just want you to know that im going to do what i need to because i think its right. i love you",, so basically im just constantly thinking about her and how badly i want to be with her . i love this girl and even done something i never ,ever thought i would do . which was paid for a 5000$ ring up front . its ironic the day i picked the ring up, all this went down. i am willing to do whatever i can to make this work. i am stupidly in love and i just want a couple questions answered with advice if possible. she never said she wanted space, so should i just give it to her anyway? she said she doesnt know who she is, and wants to find herself but at the same time wants to remain with me, but from a distance so we dont lose eachother. why is that? and what do you think about this situation? please let me have it straight ,and the best advice on what i should do.. oh and im not re reading this to edit so im sorry , i dont know if i mentioned this but her father went over to the house to talk to her ,and my girlfriend said that she hates this more than anything, and she didnt want this to happen, but she said that she needed to do it the hard thing because doing the easy thing by keeping me there would not have solved anything. please let me know and feel free to ask personal questions i may not have covered . i appreciate it and hope to hear from someone soon.

thank you
TJ

jaimer01

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Re: girlfriend wants to be independent n there is more....
« Reply #1 on: August 27, 2016, 03:16:17 PM »
Hi there tj,
Jay here
 
 It looks like we're having almost the same problem. I kinda understand how you're feeling. Now I'm not sure if i could help you have some insight but I'll try and hopefully i don't tell you stuff that you already know but if i do hopefully it can be a reminder for you. Well first of all this may seem to be hard but it looks like you need to step back and focus on yourself. look for things for you to improve or try to focus on other things that are 2nd important thing nxt to your relationship. to be honest I've read so many stories about this type of situation and it seems to be normal it seems like it happens pretty much to everyone well i guess most of people and one thing they all say is that if its out of your control then you just have to let it go you cant force it. focus on something that you still have control over. Which is yourself... you still have control over yourself and you really cant control how your gf feels. You can only do so much for her but you also need to have some left for yourself. The only way for her to realize what she had is absence let her miss you. There's no doubt she is still thinking about you every night before she sleeps or thru out the day try not to response too often show her that you're busy with other things that you have self-respect. Make her hungry for your attention. Im pretty sure she got used to you being always there cause you guys live together. So looks like you need to let her miss you for a bit. I tried this before and it actually works. Here's an example if she txt you just txt back a short and stopping reply.. you need to be a bit cold like she:"hi watcha up to" you:"just working or im out with my friends" and then if she replies again your response would be "im not trying to be rude or anything but  can we just talk later" be polite but make it seem that you're busy at the moment. Key is be polite so she cant be angry later on.but i could also be wrong with this but its totally up to you just keep looking at it in different angles you'll find an answer... One more advice i can give you is ask or open up to older people thats the best way you can get great advices at least 2 or more that way you get a good variety of opinions then you can sum up what you learn from them and make the best decision well that's what i do. Im 26 so im not that far from you well i hope this helps you a bit have confidence bro girls likes a guy with a big confidence. You can try what i advice but definitely try asking older people like your uncle or your aunt just someone older. This is ridiculous im trying to give advice when me myself is in pretty much the same problem ... hayss sigh..

Well i wish you the best of luck tj
Hope i was able to at least help just a bit
 
 Take care
 Jay.