Author Topic: Darrens sis  (Read 3967 times)

middle sis

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Darrens sis
« on: January 17, 2007, 09:02:05 PM »
Please, don't apologize for how you are feeling. I don't feel you are "boo hooing" about anything. Each is painful in its own way. We are all unique in our loss and that is what helps us to support one another. Your right, I lost a brother and a sister just has sad eyes, BUT, we all know what its like to lose a sibling.In my situation, I don't know if one would have been less painful as both. Interesting way to see it that way. Maybe just one would have been worse. The two of them were so close, if one had gone and not the other one........what would it have been like??? I guess its just one of those "what ifs". Who knows. I quoted a poem before that I read off the internet....."To lose ones sibling is to lose ones self, for part of me is gone".........How true is that! We grew up together, you would just assume we would grow old together. Not so in all of our situations. My parents are split and have been for some time, however, I DREAD the day I get that call. I truely feel, I will fall apart. I have no one here to help me. My sibs are gone. How does anyone expect me to do that alone? I only make it through by not thinking about those things. If I did it would "cripple" me. I can't allow myself to think that way. I pray my parents live a long long time. I don't hope they outlive me however, that would surely do them in. How have your parents coped? Do you have any remaining siblings? Answer if you would like, if your not comfortable, maybe someday. Its OK
Take care

« Last Edit: January 17, 2007, 09:15:16 PM by middle sis »

4EVRdarrensSIS

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Re: Darrens sis
« Reply #1 on: January 18, 2007, 07:55:21 AM »
middle sis, your message made me cry.  the line you quoted about losing a sibling how true.  it hits so close to home.  i too think about when the day comes and i have to deal with things alone.  it was never suppose to be like that and i never thought about it before b/c i knew i'd always have my brother.  guess that shows you what i know!  it was interesting how you said that you didn't know if one would be less painful than both.  that's a hard one.  what would it have been like?   it's a catch 22.  one lives and then you hurt so bad for them and their pain as well as your pain.  that's been a big one for me.  watching my parents grieve.  i really have a hard time when we go back to Tn to his graveside and i watch my parents cleaning off his headstone.  i get angry all over again.  it hurts so much to see them in pain.  it makes me shake my fist at God all over again.  my parents right now are dealing with it fine.  they are still together however there were a couple of times that they almost hung it up.  even after 35 years i guess losing a child can be devastating.  darren was my only sibling.  the instant he died i knew it in my heart and felt very, very alone.   i still feel like an only child.  it's weird....you go through 24 years of you life with a brother and then all the sudden he's gone just like that.  i never believed that darren was going to die.  not even at the end.  and being where i'm at now and looking back at pictures we have of the last weekend he was alive i cringe.  we were staring death in the face.  he was nothing but skin and bone.  i miss him so much my heart still hurts when i get upset.  it physically hurts.  i just want to hear his voice or his laugh....god how i loved his laugh.  that bright smile.   he was a beautiful person inside and out.  i can only pray that i make him proud.  i often wonder about how he would be if the situation were reversed.  i try to draw some strength out of how he would act. 
be good to you
~darren's sis
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