Author Topic: Here again!  (Read 3584 times)

jo

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Here again!
« on: February 14, 2016, 04:22:53 PM »
Hello! I cannot believe I remembered my ID and password because I have been here for about 10 years. For several years before that, I was on this board because of the death of our 17-year old son, JD who died in a car accident in 1992. I am just checking in now because our other son died in a car accident in March of last year. So, this is my Valentine to my boys, I guess.

jo

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Re: Here again!
« Reply #1 on: February 14, 2016, 04:29:36 PM »
I meant I have NOT been here for about 10 years.

barb0617

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Re: Here again!
« Reply #2 on: February 15, 2016, 04:49:25 PM »
Oh Jo - so sorry you stopped in because you've lost a son for the second time. I first came here close to the 1st anniversary of my son's death in a car accident - 1999 is when we lost him. 2007 - I lost my firstborn, son, to suicide after 11 years bipolar disorder. Tomorrow is the 9th anniversary of his death - 2007.  How are you holding up?

jo

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Re: Here again!
« Reply #3 on: February 16, 2016, 08:45:38 PM »
I'm doing fair. There are a couple things that are better, and one is the lack of panic over the way I feel. Before i wondered if I was losing my mind. Now I know those moments are not important. Before I worried that we would all forget - that I would forget how he looked, his voice, etc. Now I know that I will never forget anything about either of them.

The sadness is the same. It still hurts a lot. I've written an ebook, but don't want to take advantage of this wonderful site and give specifics here. I did check, though, and my email address hasn't changed.

Our son that died first was a teenager. Our other son was grown with two little boys of his own. Both accidents were a shock. The first died instantly. The second was one of the safest drivers I've ever known, very in control of his life, wondering if we were preparing for our old age. It just seemed impossible that all those plans would not include him. He was in ideal physical condition and the doctors tried everything to see if he would respond, but he lived only for two days after the accident. He was talking to the doctors, giving them his medical information on the way to surgery, but never again regained consciousness. Both accidents were blameless, just horrible mistiming.

barb0617

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Re: Here again!
« Reply #4 on: February 17, 2016, 07:26:45 PM »
When I lost the second son, I'd already had 8 years of child-loss survival skills and coping strategies. What you've described - it's very much like my own experience. Knowing I got through and I would again. You are blessed with those two grandchildren. My boys didn't leave us any children. My daughter's two bring great joy, and we just can't be sad when they're around. I've often thought there was a book in me. But nothing written yet...

jo

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Re: Here again!
« Reply #5 on: February 18, 2016, 07:52:48 AM »
Our daughter also has two wonderful children. When our second son was in the hospital, she and our daughter-in-law never left his bedside - three nights and two days. She was such a source of strength for our son's wife. After he died, a lot of people forgot about her and her grief. She was our youngest, and told me that she never, at any time, wished she was an only child, and now (though an adult) is.

Terry

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    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
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Re: Here again!
« Reply #6 on: February 19, 2016, 01:49:15 PM »
(((((Jo)))))

I'm sorrier than mere words can express that you have buried another child. I am the Mom of three angels in Heaven and my oldest and surviving son who died in 2003 has a heavenly birthday today.
Many of our members have written books/shared their story so feel free to post the information here, if you'd like to. I try to read all of them as I understand the heart and soul that goes into writing down/describing their pain and also their healing; offering up what has worked for them and what has hurt them on their journey.

Sending you hugs and understanding, :love9:
Terry

jo

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Re: Here again!
« Reply #7 on: February 19, 2016, 04:30:14 PM »
I am so sorry for your multiple losses! The sad thing about hurt is that there is always someone with more! Hugs to you.

Thank you. I won't post a flashy link, but there is one on my blog, vacantchairs.blogspot.com  The blog is of course, non-commercial.
The ebook is called "Theme and Variations about Short Lives, Child Death, Parent Grief," and will probably be more beneficial to those who are into several months of grief, rather than to those who have faced it very recently.

I just went to the cemetery today and took down our younger son's Christmas Tree. There was no way to get to it until now! Our older son, who died last year, is in a cemetery 100 miles away, so I visit both sons when I go to the cemetery in town. Now, unfortunately JD's grave will not have flowers or extra decorations until Spring - then I'll look for something that's purple.