My dad had just visited me two weeks prior to celebrate my 39th birthday and to celebrate the soon to be birthday of my twin boys who are 6. I remember he said he would be back in Feb. and when I dropped him off at the airport I gave him a good but quick hug like I would see him again. I was watching the previews for a movie when I got the call he had died. He was not sick, he was in a motorcycle accident. Per witnesses and police, he was on his motorcycle going about 30mph and barely collided with a 1 inch section of right bumper of a truck. His crash bars caught it. He always used this shitty little helmet that looked like a turtle shell and was not DOT regulated. His theory was when it's your time, it's your time. That's great, but I am left behind. My dad wasn't married and I am an only child. Plus, I live about 3k miles from him. I feel like the last month has been a blur of single handedly planning a wake/funeral/scattering his ashes/going through his entire home in 9 days before I headed back home. The amount of paperwork is overwhelming and confusing. I have been basically pretending like it didn't happen and have been avoiding looking at his pictures. The holidays have been OK, but it's because I am basically numb. I have thrown myself into researching aimless things on the computer for hours and I have been eating like crap. I am seriously considering buying a 2k purse..wtf? I stay up very very late and wake up very early to get my kids to Kindergarten. Then I go home and sleep for hours...When I do allow myself to feel, I get a crippling sadness and this horrible feeling that I am alone in this. I wish I had a sibling to feel exactly what I feel. My husband tries to be as supportive as he can, but he doesn't really know what I feel- he still has both his parents. Another problem is that I have been dealing (before his death) with a little depression/anxiety. Have been on light meds for the past 3 months and a year before that was on them for about 6 months. My dad also had a history with depression (long term) and he was the one person who I could really talk to who understood what I was going through and didn't judge or make me feel crazy/lesser. I feel numb and I want to feel again but will be filled with horrible sadness. Plus I have young kids who need me and I feel like I have to "be brave/put together" for them. Really I just want to flee for a few weeks and cry and grieve. Is this normal? Anyone else going through this? Thanks