Allison,
My heart goes out to you. What you are feeling is normal . . . not normal for living, but normal for Grief. I was told about counseling sessions through the EAP program at work. I was approved for 8 sessions for Grief and, because I felt it wasn't enough and was very nervous to be 'on my own', not really knowing how to do that (I've been married nearly all of my adult life), I asked for 8 more sessions for Anxiety, which were approved. I highly recommend counseling with a qualified Grief counselor. I looked up all 8 or 10 names they gave me and chose the one with a more holistic outlook. She is wonderful. I talked 1/2 the time and she talked 1/2 the time, giving me tools, stories, metaphors, explanations. She was exactly the type of counselor I needed. I hope you find one in your area too.
She explained to me the physiological things that were happening to me, that were a natural reaction to sudden loss. "You are not in control," she explained. "Grief is." The wisdom of her words stay with me. I am forever grateful. I just put one foot in front of the other each day, working sequentially rather than random access as most women can. Multi-tasking was gone for me. Like you describe . . . those weights were on and I couldn't take them off. I had to allow at least twice as much time to do ANYTHING. And I would forget things I never forgot. This is Grief. Just let go and feel what you need to feel, rest when you need to rest. This time is for your healing. Grief is your body's survival instinct kicking in. It does seem like time stands still or goes in very slow motion, but that is what you need to do right now. Just do the best you can and take it one day at a time. Love yourself. Be ok to feel what you feel.
If you have a pet, love and hug them as often as possible. They love it and their love is healing in return. I often said if it wasn't for my little dog, Brindle, I would not have gotten out of bed . . . but she had to eat, she had to be walked. Lucky me, I needed the exercise, the sunshine and something to care for, something that was dependent on me. She was actually supposed to be his dog . . . turns out she probably saved my life. She wanted and deserved to play . . . She made me laugh and she cuddled with me at night . . . still does. Pets are great therapy.
I hope something I've said here helps. God bless you and show you ways to know that life will return the light it once had.
Love,
Teresa