Author Topic: The Holidays  (Read 948 times)

Terry

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    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
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The Holidays
« on: September 30, 2015, 12:05:31 PM »
Holiday Ideas link: http://webhealing.com/forums/index.php?topic=7174.0 and is listed above on this page. There are other members sharing how they deal with the holidays which may be helpful.


Thanksgiving, Christmas, Chanukah, New Years

These are the biggest and usually most challenging of all. You can and will get through the Holidays. Rather than avoiding the feelings of grief, lean into them. It is not the grief you want to avoid, it is the pain. Grief is the way out of the pain. Grief is our internal feelings and mourning is our external expressions.

Ways to externalize the loss – give it a time and a place

 A prayer before the Holiday dinner, about your loved one.
 Light a candle for your loved one.
 Create an online tribute for them.
 Share a favorite story about your loved one.
 Have everyone tell a funny story about your loved one.
 At your place of worship remember them in a prayer.
 Chat online about them.

Ways to Cope

Have a Plan A/Plan B – Plan A is you go to the Thanksgiving, Christmas Day or Christmas Eve dinner with family and friends. If it doesn’t feel right, have your plan B ready. Plan B may be a movie you both liked or a photo album to look through or a special place you went to together. Many people find that when they have Plan B in place, just knowing it is there is enough.

Cancel the Holiday all together. Yes, you can cancel the Holiday. If you are going through the motions and feeling nothing, cancel them. Take a year off. They will come around again. For others, staying involved with the Holidays is a symbol of life continuing. Let the Holiday routine give you a framework during these tough times.

Try the Holidays in a new way. Grief has a unique way of giving us the permission to really evaluate what parts of the Holidays you enjoy and what parts you don’t. Remember, there is no right or wrong way to handle the Holidays in grief. You have to decide what is right for you and do it. You have every right to change your mind, even a few times. Friends and family members may not have a clue how to help you through the Holidays and you may not either.

It is very natural to feel you may never enjoy the Holidays again. They will certainly never be the same as they were. However, in time, most people are able to find meaning again in the traditions as a new form of the Holiday Spirit grows inside of them. Even without grief, our friends and relatives often think they know how our Holidays should look, what “the family” should and shouldn’t do.

Do’s and Don’ts

Do be gentle with yourself and protect yourself.
Don’t do more than you want, and don’t do anything that does not serve your soul and your loss.
Do allow time for the feelings.
Don’t keep feelings bottled up. If you have 500 tears to cry don’t stop at 250.
Do allow others to help. We all need help at certain times in our lives.
Don't allow others to tell you to *be strong* as they are really saying, "Don't feel what you need to and don't express it."

-Articles read on the Internet