Author Topic: With Time...  (Read 2903 times)


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With Time...
« on: September 14, 2015, 10:19:58 PM »
Hello to long time friends Lauren and Irene, and all of you who have come to find shelter and peace in this wonderful place. 

It is indeed a healing place... where your grief can be laid down and shared, and where you will feel the love of arms, that you may never see, wrapped around you.       

I found this beautiful site almost 11 years ago, and here I was able to share my pain, my sorrow, and my hope for next steps and healing. You see when I first came here my mother had passed away... I came so that I could ease the pain and know how on earth to carry on.  No one had a perfect answer, there are none, and over many months I consoled as much as I was consoled, but what I knew each and every time I stopped in was that everyone here understood, and they cared deeply... our common bonds were grief and love.  Somehow the understanding and love... sustained me, carried me, lifted me up, and many times filled me up with hope.  I came regularly for a long while and then have come back a handful of times, once when my brother passed, and a few sprinkled in just to say hello and send love. 

To my amazement and pleasure Lauren is still here, and that is a blessing.  I have thought over the years many times of the dream I had of your Mom  Lauren. It was heaven sent to be sure. And Irene, if it is the same Irene, I think your Mom passed around the same time as mine. So we understood each other well:-) It is the time of year when 11 years ago my Mom's life started to wind down, in October of 2004 she passed from this world. 

In those 11 years I have come to appreciate her more everyday, and I have come to appreciate my growing likeness to her; I joke and say I am  becoming her.  Oh yes, I apologize under my breath to her a lot for not understanding more about aging when she was here, for example, when she would forget things, or walked a little slower, or had to ask 10 times to have things repeated because her hearing was going... I do not say I am becoming her because I am obsessed with her or have lost my mind... I simply mean in 11 years I have aged and I am becoming older, like she was when I didn't notice the changes setting in.  Oh my, how I notice when they are on my own frame!  I cherish her even more. 

I still miss her, but I never doubted the connection that cannot be broken by the transition from earth to heaven... its the bond of love.  l admit, I wanted/want her here to talk to and share my joys and sorrows along the way... I wanted/want her to lean on as life went on.  She is not far and we will reunite again...until then I celebrate her and my brother, and many others who have passed since her passing... mostly, as she would want me to do, I celebrate living; forgetfulness, poor hearing and all!!  With time has come acceptance and peace, and a lot more appreciation.   

Mostly in her honor, I celebrate life.  I know my Mom would be delighted to know that in the past 5 years one of her granddaughters has had three children, another had one (after a long time coming), another is now pregnant full term with twins after several pregnancy losses... There is one great, great Grandchild and I just learned yesterday, on Grandparents day, that my son (my Mom's Grandson) and his wife are expecting my third Grandbaby!!  My other niece just got married last month to a wonderful young man,  My brother survived a heart attach this year, and together we saved 4 newborn kittens and a mother cat from dying in the summer heat... we are fostering them and 5 weeks later they are thriving... okay I am getting carried away  but the message is that life is full of blessings that our loved one's who have passed would want us to enjoy. Grieve at your own pace and as you need to, and... with time... joy will follow.   

I am so sorry for the sorrow that most of you coming here may be feeling, I know it, I almost feel it infiltrate my being just by being here; however, I am amazed that no matter how long I am away, when I return, I am filled with the love and virtual hugs that traverse these many pages with all of your own individual experiences of grief and healing.  This is a very good place to just be, and share, to weep and support, or just read to get through the tough parts of the day.  Know this, you are never alone and grief will take as long as it takes, however, light and joy and life will show up again...  an important key is to allow yourself to see it when it knocks,  and then allow it in. It is okay to let grief in too, you can open the door a little at a time, when the time is right... with time... a little at a time is fine. It will be a mixed bag for a while, and that is okay, it is very okay.       

I have always maintained that those we have loved and who have passed have not gone away, just ahead. They would want us to live.  The bond of love cannot be broken by time or distance, not even by the transition from Earth to Heaven...  it is an invisible thread that connects our love for eternity...

May God wrap his arms around you, and may you feel peace and joy again, with time...
Hugs to you all   


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Re: With Time...
« Reply #1 on: September 17, 2015, 04:51:41 PM »

Hello old friend!  Its so good of you to come on in and sit awhile with me again! Come sit on my porch, and have some tea, and chat a bit.  :)  Now you think I've lost my mind.  But thats how it's always felt like with you and Irene.  As if we were sitting on the porch sharing our grief over the loss of our mothers, many years ago.  Its been 13 years ago for me.  11 for you and Irene.  Wow, has it really been that long?  Time flies,  and yet back then,  it was a torturous crawl.  At times I thought I'd never survive.   But of course I did.  We did.

As you said so beautifully once again,  with time healing does come.  I am healed and I am whole.  I think for me the way towards MY healing was finding a purpose in life,  a meaning.  Whether right or wrong,  I found that in my life,  and have moved on beautifully.  Life goes on,  people come and go, babies are born, new friendships and careers are formed, and even beloved pets die too.   I lost my grandpa two years ago at the age of 92, the last connection to my family.  And yet,  the timing was right. No wait,  the timing was perfect,  as it always is in His plan.  Not that I ever wanted to lose him.  I didn't.  But I knew I must at some point, and was ready for it,  and for what his death would mean for me.    Even then, that death has not even come close to the loss of a mother.  Not. Even. Close.   Ahh, that mother loss.  I am so thankful I am done with that in my life!!

I had forgotten about your dream of my mother.  But I still have thought of you over the years,  wondering where you were and how you were doing.   Are the fires raging in your area?  I think I remember that you are out on the West Coast? .   I do hope you are safe and have a good life as I have.  I  don't come around here anymore but someone emailed me to let me know that you were asking about me.   I'm so glad they did.  What a pleasantly wonderful surprise my friend.   Never go away.  I will always have my email connected to webhealing so feel free to send me private messages (private messages get sent to my email acct) or posts anytime. 

Irene is on fb and so we keep in touch.  I will let her know that you stopped by.

Big hug to you and congratulations on those grandbabies!  I know you must spoil them so.



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Re: With Time...
« Reply #2 on: September 18, 2015, 05:46:46 AM »
Hi Maureen,
   It has been a very long time, but you have not been forgotten. In 2 months, it will be 11 years since my mother passed away and it was the most difficult time that I have ever faced in my life. I found this website at that time, and I can never thank those who have helped me enough. You and Lauren were always there to help me and others and the messages would sustain me and aid me in helping me to somehow get through that minute or hour. It is wonderful to hear of the changes you have in your life and the increased family members that surround you. I wish you all the best in the future and a forever thank you for being there when I most needed someone to listen.