((((Robin))))
Thank you so much. I have just figured out a reason why I feel so sad over letting go of Eric.
Since January I have been working on loving myself, eventually I figured out that my fears are what is holding me back from life and loving myself and being happy. So I have been working on letting go of my fears in the last few months.
I have let go of a lot to do with my Ex. I have been struggling with getting out of the house, my physical state causes me problems as well as emotional. The idea of looking for a job has me so freaked out I just refuse to attempt it. When I broke up with Eric on Thursday I spent half my time crying about it and hurting.
Last night I was texting with a friend about him and that is when I worked out that what is causing me such pain is the same intention I set to clear on the first day of the blue moon. I set the intention to let go of the fear that I am not good enough.
That belief is causing me a lot of pain and trouble.
That belief is why I am scared of what my ex will do about custody (that he will use my past against me), that belief is why I struggle to let go of my past, why I feel disappointment, betrayal of myself. Also letting go of Eric I feel I am not good enough if I let go because it means I failed another relationship. Wow. There are probably more reasons how that belief is affecting my life that I am not aware of yet.
I will be working on facing that fear with plenty of help. I do EMDR which really helps clear the cell memories. I am getting Reiki today and... I have realized where that all comes from.
I visited my parents for a week and a half and I only let my guard down at night when I was in bed or if I went to the park alone which none of that was ever enough to allow me to recover. I don't feel safe with my parents because, in the past, growing up, I would share something with my mom and she would always find something wrong with it. So now I have to be on guard to watch what I share with her and my expectations of her answers.
I also have realized that I think I am sometimes doing that to my own kids. Whether they handle it the same way as me or not I don't know.
I feel better having seen all that and being aware of it now makes it something that I can work on. I love how when I set the intention I didn't realize just how many areas it was affecting my life and how I was so quickly able to see it after I set the intention. within a week.
Hugs and love to you. I hope you are doing well Robin.
Shelby