Author Topic: emptiness  (Read 28070 times)

lynne123

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emptiness
« on: May 27, 2015, 10:17:31 AM »
Everything is very quite no phone calls not feeling good have M.S. a lot of symptons. Missing my husband would appreciate any suggestions how to heal.

Terry

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Re: emptiness
« Reply #1 on: May 27, 2015, 10:47:18 AM »

((((((( lynne ))))))

Welcome to Webhealing. When you find the time, tell us about your husband. I'm so sorry for your loss.

When we don't feel well it seems that that weight can be back-breaking. Try to take care of yourself the best you can; eating healthy meals, even snacks, drinking plenty of water and getting rest even if you can't sleep. A walk a day will keep the doctor away.

Feel free to post day or night, someone is always listening. When I first came to the board many years ago I used to post pages of my feelings. This board became my online journal and it really helped me to get my feelings out and down. Similar to journalling but here on the board it always helped to know someone was reading and they understood.

Please know that you're not alone and you're cared for. :love9:

With love and understanding,
Terry

RobinBlue

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Re: emptiness
« Reply #2 on: May 27, 2015, 12:15:16 PM »
Hi Lynne,

I am so sorry for your loss. Given everything that you're going through with grieving and your health, focus on taking care of yourself. As Terry said, snack on healthy foods, get plenty of rest, drink plenty of water. Journaling helped me quite a bit (I just lost my husband of 29 years in February). Sometimes I would write five or six times a day. And this message board is full of supportive people that are experiencing a lot of the same emotions as you.

I started walking at least 30 minutes a day, almost every day, since Tom passed away. I helps to just clear the head. My house was also pretty quiet so I put a few windchimes on my back porch ... and I always have music playing - instrumental music for now because the lyrics to some songs just set me off.

The other thing I started doing right from the onset was set a goal a day - whether it's running an errand, doing the laundry, making a phone call. Sometimes just getting out of bed was an accomplishment ... but it was something and it forced me to put one foot in front of the other and attempt to function.

Be gentle with yourself, Lynne. The emotions you're feeling are overpowering so don't try to hold it all in. Let it flow.

Take care and post here as often as you feel you need to. I am always conscious of ranting and venting to my support network ... I don't want to become a burden or be judged that I'm not handling things to their standards. The nice thing about this board is that you can vent and rant and just pour out the emotions ... no one will judge you or hurry you along. If anything, we have felt those similar emotions and we understand.
I can be changed by what happens to me but I refuse to be reduced by it - Maya Angelou.

lynne123

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Re: emptiness
« Reply #3 on: May 28, 2015, 01:07:19 PM »
Dear Terry,
Thanks so much for replying. I was married to for 17 years I develpoed M.S. right after we got married. I met my husband at Construction. He was 25 yeqars older than myself. He treated me l.ike gold. He survived cancer three times and then died from out TV Set falling and ripping his neck which never healed. He was the most wonderful man we went everywhere, traveled went on weekend trips.
He was the best. M y husband was brilliant, he was an electrical engineer.

Take Care,
Lynne

lynne123

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Re: emptiness
« Reply #4 on: May 28, 2015, 01:22:13 PM »
Dear Robin,

Thanks for your response. My husband was a wonderful man. we were married for 20 years. He was 25 years older than myself. that did not matter a bit. he treated me like gold. I developed M.S. right before we got married. He was a brilliant electrical engineer. Worked for a huge construction company plus we had our business at home. He survived cancer three times and died when our tv set fell and ripped his neck which did not heal. I feel pretty alone but have wonderful brothers's that are deling with everything for me. I am lucky in that way.

But it is so hard cause my husband and I were with each other every day.

Take Care,
Have a gret weekend,
Lynne

RobinBlue

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Re: emptiness
« Reply #5 on: May 28, 2015, 06:22:35 PM »
(((((Lynne)))))

Tom was 14 years my senior but we never felt the age difference. He retired from civil service in 2010 and that's when I started working from home (I'm a bookkeeper). So we were together, pretty much, 24/7 for most of the 5 years. And I was slowing down to finally retire with him. He was my best friend and confidant - we talked about everything.

But he was diagnosed with cancer on 2/2/15 and he was gone 15 days later. It was so fast and so sudden. If it weren't for my precious Molly (a mutt he let me adopt in December 2013), I don't know what I'd do.

Your brothers are a blessing and I'm glad they're there for you.

Take care,
Robin
I can be changed by what happens to me but I refuse to be reduced by it - Maya Angelou.

Janka

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Re: emptiness
« Reply #6 on: May 29, 2015, 01:28:59 PM »
Dear Lynne!

Im very sorry for your loss!I also lost my beloved man,the love of my life,my everything all of a sudden from morning till night 11.11.11 at 1o clock by night.Seven units took him away from me,our future and happiness until Ill meet him again.At the beginning I was working all along without any meds or support of family.The work has helped me a lot to do not think of my misery.After 4 years I gave a notice at work,because I feel burned-out and tired,so now I feel much worse I think.Im all alone without any real family,have no kids,only 3 best friends of mine and one priest has been helping as much as he can,but its not easy by all means.Now I need a rest to think it over what Im gonna do the next.Its a day-to-day fight and it always hurts as my beloved man is really irreplaceable for me forever.This board has been helping me by now for going through day and night.I believe that you can find a support and comfort here.You can write us whenever you need to talk to.Im here for you,too.

Hugs from Janka
« Last Edit: May 29, 2015, 01:30:59 PM by Janka »
​I always kiss you from the heart,my endless love,
you know how much I love you,also stars above,
you will always be my dearest and only one,
I can not wait to be with you,my beloved Jan.

Janka

lynne123

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Re: emptiness
« Reply #7 on: June 04, 2015, 05:27:53 PM »
Hi Janka,
I had a very difficult day today, it seemed everything I did was not going my way. I had an argument with my mom and was called by my one brother to stop being rude and be patient with my mom. My other brother in San Fran. e-mailed m that I do not have to remind him everything I'm doing every day. I guess I'm paranoid that I feel like my family are watching every move I make. I understand I am very very lucky to have wonderful brothers, but mAybe it is just me. Having a very hard time without my husband.

Take Care,
Lynne

RobinBlue

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Re: emptiness
« Reply #8 on: June 05, 2015, 08:21:47 AM »
Hugs to you Lynne!!

I
I had a "so-called" friend that was watching my every move ... too much so and for her own selfish purposes. This coincided with some of the roughest patches of my grieving journey. She made me feel like I was going crazy or that I was on death watch. It went beyond caring for my well-being ... I felt like I was being baby-sat when I didn't ask for that kind of attention. For me, my journey became a little easier once I put distance between her and I.

Lynne, until someone actually walks in our shoes, they can't fully understand what we're going through. And, even then, we all handle grief differently. Don't let anyone tell you that you have to "get over this" in a certain amount of time. It's our journey and we all have to find our own way.

You can always private message me if you want to get things off your chest and just vent or rant. I'm here for you.
I can be changed by what happens to me but I refuse to be reduced by it - Maya Angelou.

lynne123

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Re: emptiness
« Reply #9 on: June 07, 2015, 07:20:34 PM »
Hi Robin,
Thanks for replying, my so called best friend called me today to inform me the her and to other friends are going out for dinner to this great mexican restuarant but cause the one russian friend is going I am not invited. Pretty sick I think.

this is what is going on, I am a nice peron I would never dream of telling anyone they cannot join cause they do not want a third person. To me I think or know my friend is a bit weird but i am not a child I am and do not play games. They should all grow up and stop acting like kids, in fact i am better than them so to have the audasity to act like this is pretty pathetic. In fact I was able even though my m.s. was not great i forced myself to take a cab to this great nail placed with extremely nice people and had a very relaxing 5 hours
Take Care,
Lynne

RobinBlue

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Re: emptiness
« Reply #10 on: June 11, 2015, 06:22:32 PM »
Hi Lynne,

I'm sorry that your friend is lost in her games. Some people just never grow out of that - or so I'm finding. But I am glad that you treated yourself to 5 hours of relaxation.

I actually went to one the casinos close to home and spent a few hours on Sunday. And that was relaxing. Even had coffee and a brownie.

And I started taking a yoga class on Monday. The venue is tucked away in the mountains so it was a very tranquil, relaxing time and I was surrounded by people that are more my age and they were all friendly and welcoming to me. I will definitely continue on with this class. I find the stretching and the breathing helps with the stress - I actually slept pretty good that night.

I hope you're having a good week - as good as can be expected. I hope you find more moments of peace and relaxation.
I can be changed by what happens to me but I refuse to be reduced by it - Maya Angelou.

lynne123

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Re: emptiness
« Reply #11 on: June 13, 2015, 05:51:31 PM »
Hi Robin,
Thanks for your response. Last evening my brother his wife kids and my me took me out for Dinner. It was our anniversary so a friend took me to the Cememetry which was beautiful. Jut like I wanted a small silver rememberence plus beautiful flowers above. I was unable to bend doen but my friend picked a stone olut for me like we do in the jewish religion  and placed the stone next to my husband. Next time I go I will no matter what even if I have to have two people help me to go down to kiss him then I will. I felt such a sense of relief especially knowing he was not in any more pain. I love you for responding,
thanks so much,
Lynne
P.S. I am still having a hard time on this site to even reply or write.

RobinBlue

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Re: emptiness
« Reply #12 on: June 14, 2015, 07:22:04 AM »
Good morning Lynne,

I can't begin to fathom the emotions you must have felt on your anniversary - I have yet to face that day. We had just celebrated our 29th anniversary in November and he passed in February ... so I have a way to go yet. Tom was cremated and he rests next to his favorite piece of furniture in the house - the TV. Eventually, I need to plan a road trip to Montana so I can scatter his ashes (we both wanted to retire there someday).

I am glad that you weren't alone on your anniversary. I was fortunate to not be alone on his birthday (in April) and my birthday (just last week). For his birthday, a friend flew out from Chicago to specifically be here with me for his birthday. And then another friend took me to tea on my birthday.

This past week I kept feeling as if my emotions wanted to go on a downward spiral but, amazingly, I pretty much stayed on an even keel. Still getting things done around the house - yesterday the sprinkler system decided it wanted to break down so I had to have that repaired. Rather than get upset, I just took it as a distraction. Right now, I like distractions.

I have started working on his Celebration of Life - planning a date and menu. I started working on a photo collage on the Walmart website - that was the most difficult part of my week ... looking at old photos and remembering and wishing he were here.

My biggest stumbling block is getting my heart to accept what the brain already has accepted as fact. And that's where I get in trouble every time. The heart wants what the hearts wants. Period. I know Tom would want me to settle in and start living my life and stop shedding so many tears. I just haven't found that comfortable spot yet. I think it's way too soon. I'm just now coming up on the 4-month anniversary.

I hope you have a good day.
I can be changed by what happens to me but I refuse to be reduced by it - Maya Angelou.

lynne123

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Re: emptiness
« Reply #13 on: June 14, 2015, 02:41:25 PM »
Hi Robin,
Thanks for your reply. I am very stressed today cause I got a new message from Janka, and she told me that I am replying to you all the time qand have not sent her anything. I tried to send her a message and told her I am so sorry thet I tried to but it seems as though I am not computer literate that mine do not go through. I feel bad for her and have attempted to e-mail her twice but she is not getting them. She was so upset that she told me to basically have a good life, SAD, I DO NOT MEAN TO HURT ANYONE. I JUST LEFT A MESSAGE FOR MY THERAPHIST EXPLAINING THAT THE PARTER LOSS IS MAKING ME TOO STRESSFUL AND  MAYBE i SHOULD GET OFF IT. WELL, HAVE A GREAT DAY, AND DON'T BE SURPRISED IF I DON'T GET BACK TO YOU. THANKS FOR ALL YOUR REPLIES,
TAKE CARE,
LYNNE

RobinBlue

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Re: emptiness
« Reply #14 on: June 14, 2015, 02:47:25 PM »
Hi Lynne,

I really hope that you don't leave this website. But you also shouldn't be stressed over your interactions on this board. I too have been getting stressed and have been debating to just ask Terry to remove me from the board. Just like you, I'm not here to hurt anyone. I'm just trying to find my way through a very dark journey. If I can help someone along the way, that helps me, too.

I noticed in the beginning that I too had difficulty in private messaging. Terry had a devil of a time helping to get me set up.

I would hope that you would reconsider about remaining on the board.

Take care
I can be changed by what happens to me but I refuse to be reduced by it - Maya Angelou.