Girlfriend has asked for time to find herself

[snow]

Hey all,

My ex girlfriend and I dated for 8 months. We met while working together at a restaurant. I had just moved into this town and had been single for years. We went out for drinks one night with other people from work but ended up just talking the two of us. She did not have a car at the time and was staying at a relatives house where I dropped her off. I thought nothing of it besides that we had a great time. The next morning she texted me and explained to me that she rode her bike 20 minutes to buy a charger for her cell phone, rode back to the relatives house, charged her phone and asked out to lunch. Things were going great, we made an amazing connection and had all the same likes as far as movies, tv shows, foods, etc. About 7 months into the relationship she lands a job at another restaurant, making better money but a smaller restaurant. At the same time she landed a job in a hospital, her ideal job. Unfortunately she needs both jobs because she is not a registered nurse but does want to be one in the future. Both jobs put a strain in our relationship because time to see each other was scarce. We started to have fights here and there because we couldn't see each other, but I was her biggest supporter through all of it.

Moving along to more recent time, last week she completely broke it off, she said she had been in and out of a relationship for a long time but that she never had anyone treat her like I had. That being said, she asked told me that she needed time to find herself. I was dumbfounded by this because, I have always supported her. We broke up over the phone one night and I went to her house the next day to see if there was any way to resolve the issue. She had her mind set and I left. That night I texted her and wished her a good night (this was may 5th). I didn't talk to her until the 11th when I was drunk and I made the mistake of reaching out to her (mind you I have barely slept or eaten much in the time since, some may call it a liquid diet). We texted that night and in my drunken state I told her that i missed my best friend which is what she means to me. She told me she needed the space and that she had no intentions of meeting anyone, she just wants to find herself.


She mentioned about actually seeing a therapist and I told her I liked the idea she replied "yeah?" and i said that i would go with her if she wanted and she said that it wouldn't be a terrible idea. Ive been trying to get her to get out of her house either to hang out with me or with her friends but she hasn't budged. Im trying to be supportive as we have been texting the last couple of days but refuses to see me or talk to me on the phone. I guess my question is what should I do? Do I leave her alone, do I keep being supportive, do I push for therapy? Im just really confused and I want to make the right decision in order to keep her.

Thanks in advance for the help

[OleBroseph]

I know how you feel at the moment. Sort of the same thing just happened to me not long ago (3 days ago). Girlfriend of 5 years told me she wanted to find herself, but she couldn't do that with me at the moment. I don't know what to tell you yet pal.

[OleBroseph]

This is awkward. I didn't mean to reply to my own post. Thought I was replying to someone else's post! Sorry!

[OleBroseph]

Wait, I didn't. Oh my gosh. Sorry. Confused. Just ignore the last post lol.

[Anthony2015]

If you want to know what I think...I think you've been together long enough for some pretty serious feelings for each other to take root.
I think she might be in love with you.  And for some women, that is not easy for them...possibly due to a lot of extra baggage.
She may be trying to reject the notion of being in love. 
It might be bringing up the extra baggage instead of staying shoved in a closet in her mind where she put it.
And the worst thing you could do right now is give her the impression that you "need" her, because she will see that as being "needy".
Getting back in touch with you has to be HER idea.
I'm going through this myself. 
Actually, I'm so pissed of at what an ass my girlfriend was towards me, that I'm considering this a break up. 
She wants distance...she's got it!!!

There could be other, more nefarious reasons, as I suspect might be the case with my girlfriend (or ex???).
With mine, I suspect another man may have been involved.
And the very suggestion of it got her so pissed off that she needed "space" from me.
But in your case, I don't think so.

I don't know what to tell you.
Normally, I'd say, check in with her once in awhile and be sweet.  Just be the safe harbor when her ship comes back that way.
Allow her the space to work out her issues.
Yes, you and her have been close enough to share everything.  Issues, even toothbrushes.
But now, YOU have become the issue.
This may be a major turning point for her...where she has to make the decision to invest her entire self in you, or run away like a scared rabbit.
I think I lost my girlfriend.
But I don't want to see you lose yours.

And I know this isn't easy on you because you love her.
But this is the way it is with a lot of women.  In fact, there must be something in the water, because I'm seeing this a lot.

Do keep in mind there are a lot of really wonderful women out there.  I know you don't want to hear this, but if her issues, extra baggage that was never dealt with, or whatever you want to call it, causes her to require all this "space" from you...the danger is, if you're even still going to be there when she gets over it.
I had a girlfriend back in college do this same exact thing.
She wanted space, and she was gone for TWO MONTHS!
I spent the first month in grief.  (We had dated about as long as you two).
By the end of the second month, I decided to pick myself up by my boot straps and move on.
I brought home a new girl...and she found out and raged at my front door in heartbreak!!!  I had to have the cops take her home.

Why girls do this, I don't know.
But it's extremely counter-productive to a relationship...and could be one reason they're still single.

[Terry]

Snow - hope you're doing well. Post when you have a chance and let us know how you're doing. Remember, too that not all advice is sound advice. As my signature states..."If it doesn't apply, let it fly" and "Take the best and leave the rest."

You can private message me if you like!

Hugs,
Terry

[Mikel]

Same thing here but I think that if she leaves to have time by herself we'll never end up getting back together.