New to this site. Searched for a support group online and came across a post with the same title. I joined in hopes to message Cindy M, but unfortunately the message is too old to access (May 12, 2010, 12:45:37 PM)
I lost my parents yrs ago, but like Cindy explained, it never goes away and I haven't met anyone who understands what it's like.
I connected with my dad the most and lost him when I was 14. It was a very traumatizing experience. We were at his God son's Anniversary party & he choked on a piece of meat. I was the one who found him. Ambulance was called. Took them 13mins to arrive. After what seemed like hours, we were later told by a extremely insensitive Dr. that he was dead.
My mom was outta town visiting her brothers. They all escorted her on the plane back and I remember vividly her asking me, "Is dad ok?" She was obviously on her anti-anxiety meds. My uncles surrounded her and spoke in their native tongue...My mom broke down. I didn't understand all that was being said, but I could feel here pain... Passerbys My mother wept deeply... That was in "86.
The relationship with my mom wasn't as close as I would've liked. There were clear cultural differences that could not be overcome... but she was my mother. I loved her and wanted her approval like children do. 1997, she was diagnosed with lung cancer, resulting from 2nd-hand smoke from her job. She had some of her lung removed, but Drs didnt get all the cancer. She was approved for hospice and stayed in a nursing home. Tumors popped all over her body, namely her neck and brain. She didn't know who I was at the end. My son was 5 mos old as we stayed with her all day, till my step-dad came to relieve me after work. She had a pretty blue liquid in her IV...morphine. Before we left, I whispered in her ear, "It's ok, if u have to leave, We'll be ok..."
At home, I fed my baby. Then the phone rang, & I got the call... "She took her last breath..."
Life has been difficult, filled with overcoming obstacles all alone. Now 42, I still feel gypped! --No one in my corner wanting what's best for us... no one to share good news with, no grandparents to offer my children... This is truly heart wrenching, even after all these yrs...Sometimes life is all too much to cope, all alone... Especially when there are aspects in life going wrong...
No one to understand the load I carry...