Author Topic: Adult Orphan  (Read 2573 times)

kelly

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Adult Orphan
« on: March 31, 2015, 08:32:36 PM »
   New to this site. Searched for a support group online and came across a post with the same title. I joined in hopes to message Cindy M, but unfortunately the message is too old to access (May 12, 2010, 12:45:37 PM)  :(
     I lost my parents yrs ago, but like Cindy explained, it never goes away and I haven't met anyone who understands what it's like. 
     I connected with my dad the most and lost him when I was 14. It was a very traumatizing experience. We were at his God son's Anniversary party & he choked on a piece of meat. I was the one who found him. Ambulance was called. Took them 13mins to arrive. After what seemed like hours, we were later told by a extremely insensitive Dr. that he was dead.
     My mom was outta town visiting her brothers. They all escorted her on the plane back and I remember vividly her asking me, "Is dad ok?" She was obviously on her anti-anxiety meds. My uncles surrounded her and spoke in their native tongue...My mom broke down. I didn't understand all that was being said, but I could feel here pain... Passerbys My mother wept deeply... That was in "86.
     The relationship with my mom wasn't as close as I would've liked. There were clear cultural differences that could not be overcome... but she was my mother. I loved her and wanted her approval like children do. 1997, she was diagnosed with lung cancer, resulting from 2nd-hand smoke from her job. She had some of her lung removed, but Drs didnt get all the cancer. She was approved for hospice and stayed in a nursing home. Tumors popped all over her body, namely her neck and brain. She didn't know who I was at the end. My son was 5 mos old as we stayed with her all day, till my step-dad came to relieve me after work. She had a pretty blue liquid in her IV...morphine. Before we left, I whispered in her ear, "It's ok, if u have to leave, We'll be ok..."
     At home, I fed my baby. Then the phone rang, & I got the call... "She took her last breath..."
     Life has been difficult, filled with overcoming obstacles all alone. Now 42, I still feel gypped! --No one in my corner wanting what's best for us... no one to share good news with, no grandparents to offer my children... This is truly heart wrenching, even after all these yrs...Sometimes life is all too much to cope, all alone... Especially when there are aspects in life going wrong...
No one to understand the load I carry...

Terry

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    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
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Re: Adult Orphan
« Reply #1 on: April 01, 2015, 09:38:07 AM »

((((((Kelly))))))

Hi and welcome to Webhealing, again. We certainly understand here what it's like to bury our parents. I have, also. We just do the best we can do and of course we'll always miss them. But, I agree with you that things just aren't the same without them. I was just sharing the other day how much I miss those big family dinners on Sunday, miss them so much.

Life can be overwhelming, as you shared but that's why we have to take hold of those reigns and be in control of our lives. We now have our memories and we can even make new memories from childhood days we long forgot....we'll always miss them. Your life is important, too. Your happiness is vital to living a healthy life.

Again, I certainly do understand tragic losses, sadly too well. It helps to journal and also to post our feelings whenever we have them. It's always helped me to heal my heart so I could live a healthy and productive life.

Do you have any hobbies? Do you exercise? How are your friendships? Would love to hear if you would like to share.

Love and Hugs,
Terry

kerrywhit

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Re: Adult Orphan
« Reply #2 on: April 21, 2015, 06:16:42 AM »
I unferstand yout grief.It hurys.My dadp died 3 days after christmas
Lost my brother,sister in law and mom 5 years ago.Im fighting cancer , doc says I got 18 months left.My worst feeling of grif is for my daughter who is 7 years old.She has scoliosis which is her spine grows in the shspe of an s and her body twists pushing one rib forward.She has to wear a brace around her chest and waist.its hard to breath she says.She asked me how long needs the brace ,I cried and couldnt tell her 10 years .My daughter may soon have no dad.My death will complete the deaths of all my family except my kids.Im 56.Just lost my job and insursnce.How much more canMy lgo wrong?My strength is that God has my family in heaven waiting for me.My daughter understands and will understand when I am gone.She will see me again.God has provided finances for me and my daughter and wife.I can say I love God and he is good because he will bring us all together soon We all must die and faith in God strengthens me.I couldnt survive all this without him.Good luck and God bless.