Author Topic: I am grieving mother and need help  (Read 3990 times)

Sandra

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 7
    • View Profile
I am grieving mother and need help
« on: March 17, 2015, 09:16:27 PM »
Hi my name is Sandra.  I lost my son to a tragedy a little under 4 months ago.  I have 5 other children. The son I lost was 7 years old. We had just celebrated his 7th birthday weeks before the incident. I'm......... this is unbearable pain and I just thought if there were people out there who went through this and ..... need to ... you know....

Tom

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1080
    • apples are good and are good for you too
    • View Profile
    • Crisis, Grief and Healing
Re: I am grieving mother and need help
« Reply #1 on: March 18, 2015, 05:43:21 AM »
Welcome Sandra.  Sorry you are joining us and to hear of your 7 year old's death. I am sure other mothers and dads will be responding to your post.  Tell us about your little guy.

 
Tom's New EBook and paperback
 

MARTHA(CANDI'S AUNT)

  • nospam
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 665
  • AUNT MARTHA LOVES YOU CANDI
    • View Profile
Re: I am grieving mother and need help
« Reply #2 on: March 18, 2015, 09:19:44 AM »
SANDRA,
       i'm sorry for the loss of your son...   i'll keep you in my thought's & prayers...  i'm glad you found this website.... everyone here is going through the same thing &  understand your feelings.....


MARTHA

Sandra

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 7
    • View Profile
Re: I am grieving mother and need help
« Reply #3 on: March 18, 2015, 09:40:20 AM »
Hi his name is Dominik. He was our 4th child our oldest son. Our 3 older ones are girls and my hubby and I wanted a son bad so we kept trying for a boy. So came my King . As a baby he had many ear infections so as he got older his speech wasn't to great so he expensed through his drawing.  Ever since kindergarten his teacher and many people who saw his drawings said he was going to be a great artist. Dominik was a great artist. And as a mother I understood every word him and I had A very special bond. He took care of me when we were out walking I said I was cold he would offer me his jacket. After him I was done having kids. But 2 years after we were blessed with twin boys. So Dominik got to be an older brother he loved it he was very patient as his brother's attacked him playfully. Very compassionate towards all his siblings even his sisters. If he saw or heard anyone upset he would hug them ask if they were ok. Out of all our children he was the first one awake excited for school.  He was only one who went to bed without a hassle.  He was most definitely a shining star he lite up every room with his toothless smile. Dominik gave me a reason to fight he recently went through a surgery to take his anoids and tonsils removed he was a trooper. His little brother went same thing same day Dominik was worried about his brother.  He also enjoyed homework. He would constantly write down his adding factors every where. Dominik loved sports especially hockey. We had just started to get his goalie gear together. His eyes were so warm and full of love. I  am going to be missing him with every breath I take. Thank you guys for listening you guys give me hope.

Terry

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5930
    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
    • View Profile
Re: I am grieving mother and need help
« Reply #4 on: March 18, 2015, 07:36:04 PM »

((((((Sandra))))))

I'm so sorry that your precious little Dominik died and you're having to live this life without him. Welcome to Webhealing where we all understand the devastation you are feeling right now.

Thank you, too for sharing how special Dominik was and in so many ways. It's easy to see that he was the light in your life.

As hard as it is, try to take care of you right now; resting if you can't sleep, snacking on healthy foods if you are not yet able to sit down to a full meal and drink plenty of water. Grief plays havoc with our immune systems and we can get very sick while grieving.

Post as often as you are able to. It helps to get your feelings out and down on paper, too as in journaling. Someone is always listening and we all understand.

Sending you hugs & love,
Terry

Sandra

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 7
    • View Profile
Re: I am grieving mother and need help
« Reply #5 on: March 18, 2015, 08:07:15 PM »
Thank you so much Terry. It is very hard to wake up every morning. Every breath I take I feel so guilty taking it because it's a breath my son should be taking. It was a house fire on a Friday night. All of us were in our living room watching home alone 2. All of us fell asleep in the living room I woke up while Dom and one of his sisters watched the 1st home alone. I was hot as my hubby n I fell asleep on the couch so I went into the bedroom where dom slept I went back to bed. As far as I knew every one was in the living room. Next thing I knew I woke to my hubby yelling to get up and get out. So I did I ran to living room he said kids were out already I looked back to a bed that was in the living room floor I lifted the blanket and one of my twins were under it I grabbed him ran out w my other kids  as I got down my girls were yelling Dominik wasn't out there he was still inside ...... I ran back up yelling to my hubby dominik was still inside..... we tried to re-enter the home the smoke was so dark and thick we couldn't.... later at the police department while we were waiting on word that they found my son I remembered Dominik came in his room; see there was a single bed and a bunk bed in the same room I fell asleep on the bunk bed..... I remember waking up as Dom ran in the room and jumped on his bed with a smile and said I love you. .... God .... I kill myself every time  every breath knowing I forgot that he ran in the room before being woken up in such an urgency and trying to understand what was going on. I know I can't go back and change what has happened but this is killing me.  As of lately I can smell the fire on my hair yet .... my hubby and I tried to enter the home failed so many times... my hair got singed and as well as my eyebrows.  Later I found out that Dominik had 29% carbon monoxide in his system my poor lil guy my main man .... my king.... he was unconscious ..... every day I hv this pain this pressure in my throat/chest. We were flown to nearest children's hospital he was on life support for a day the doctor gave us no hope no other way he was brain dead .... every day I wake up I talk to him I tell him I love him very much and miss him. I hv 5 other kids here suffering just as bad probably even more because they are trying to comprehend that their brother is no longer here with us. I'm trying god knows I'm trying....

Terry

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5930
    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
    • View Profile
Re: I am grieving mother and need help
« Reply #6 on: March 18, 2015, 08:26:04 PM »
(((((Sandra)))))

I know it had to be difficult telling Dominik's story, having to relive every moment of that night. It is healing to tell your story, though the pain must be unbearable at times. We bear witness and each time we share it, that awful heaviness get's lifted...just a little. Our hearts are held in love by those who hear us and those who understand us and it's in that love that we're able to one day see the light.

(I know it's hard to wake up because we have to face it again with each day. Face that truth that it really did happen. Our child really did die. It is very, very hard.)

One day, one minute and one second at a time. And, know we're here and know we care.....

....and always listening.

Love,
Terry

Sandra

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 7
    • View Profile
Re: I am grieving mother and need help
« Reply #7 on: March 18, 2015, 08:35:45 PM »
Terry thank you so much. For having this group this openness. The people in my life I feel I'm just a burden on them now. I use to be this strong person can get through everything that's thrown at me. losing Dominik in such a traumatic way is very hard I'm doing everything I can to get through this. I picture my son greeting me at the gate telling me "Mom you did it." Thank you for listening your words are most definitely a gentle warm touch that my heart needs.

Adams Brokenhearted Mama

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1215
    • View Profile
Re: I am grieving mother and need help
« Reply #8 on: March 19, 2015, 08:25:52 AM »
I'm so sorry for your terrible loss. I found this website to be very healing for me, especially in the beginning. Many loving, understanding & wise hearts reached out to help me stand up when I couldn't do it alone.
((Hugs))
XO Love to all my sisters & brothers-in-grief XO
Wishing you all peaceful moments, signs from your Angels & many blessings

barb0617

  • nospam
  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 123
    • View Profile
Re: I am grieving mother and need help
« Reply #9 on: March 19, 2015, 06:43:57 PM »
Me, too, Sandra, I was always the strong one everyone could count on. I'm so sad for you, and I want to tell you, you can and will survive because of the power of your love: your love for your Dominik, for your husband, for your surviving children. You will survive for them. I have lost two sons. My Jimmy, I lost in a car accident almost 16 years ago - he was 21. His older brother, Tom, we lost 8 years ago - he was bipolar and ended his life in suicide. The gut-wrenching, can-I-breathe pain has left, and I honor my sons with the way I have fought to rebuild my life without them. I am blessed with two surviving daughters and now two grandchildren who cannot replace my sons, but who bring me love and joy. I found this site maybe a year after my first child-loss. Here, people understand. Here, people know you will always  miss your son every day. No one here will ever say, it's been a year, time to move on. Here, you will find the support to begin to live again. Be patient with yourself. Remember to breathe. Don't ask why, because there is no answer. Know that I care- Barbara
« Last Edit: March 19, 2015, 06:45:33 PM by barb0617 »

Sandra

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 7
    • View Profile
Re: I am grieving mother and need help
« Reply #10 on: March 19, 2015, 08:11:29 PM »
Thank you Adam and Barb for your kind words. These past few days feels like I am fighting an upward battle of sanity. I want to run want to scream at the top of my lungs and noone will hear me. I pray the creator takes me in his arms and tells me that my son is safe and until it's my turn  to be called back home I will have a positive impact on this earth. I will go on with my goals and noone will ever take Dominiks spot noone will ever replace my King. But I will honor him by living this life. I can see each day is hard but every day that passes I'm getting that much closer to being with Dominik. That is what I'm counting on.  Yes I let my mind go and pray for something to happen to me .... or I pray I go the way Dom did .... but I know deep within myself that I have to much to live for as of yet.....