The Story of the TREE

[MyLou]

Hi

I just wanted to share this my best friend / sister sent this to me even printed it on beautiful paper for me.  We aren't sisters by blood but we truly know we are sisters.

I had just recently had a friend now ex friend leave my life.  I am OK with it because this person I truly was there for and would forgive them when they did something wrong to me.  This person is a leaf/branch to me.  I wish no ILL towards this person but I would never take them back as my friend.  I had other friends like this person and it's OK they aren't meant to be in my life.  I am better off without people like this.

I am sure everyone can relate to this.

The Story of the TREE By; Tyler Perry
“Some people are meant to come into your life for a lifetime, some for only a season and you got to know which is which. And you’re always messing up when you mix those seasonal people up with lifetime expectations.

I put everybody that comes into my life in the category of a tree. Some people are like leaves on a tree. When the wind blows, they’re over there… wind blow that way they over here… they’re unstable. When the seasons change they wither and die, they’re gone. That’s alright. Most people are like that, they’re not there to do anything but take from the tree and give shade every now and then. That’s all they can do. But don’t get mad at people like that, that’s who they are. That’s all they were put on this earth to be. A leaf.

Some people are like a branch on that tree. You have to be careful with those branches too, ‘cause they’ll fool you. They’ll make you think they’re a good friend and they’re real strong but the minute you step out there on them, they’ll break and leave you high and dry.

But if you find two or three people in your life that’s like the roots at the bottom of that tree you are blessed. Those are the kind of people that aren’t going nowhere. They aren’t worried about being seen, nobody has to know that they know you, they don’t have to know what they’re doing for you but if those roots weren’t there, that tree couldn’t live.

A tree could have a hundred million branches but it only takes a few roots down at the bottom to make sure that tree gets everything it needs. When you get some roots, hold on to them but the rest of it… just let it go. Let folks go.”

This analogy struck a chord deep within me. There are so many relationships we will have during the course of our life. We all have had people that we have been in love with or had supposed best-friends who have already come and gone. (In fact, I had one particular friend years ago who I would have expected to do my eulogy and we haven’t spoken in years!)

There are people who come in and out of your life and it hurts to go through the process, but the truth of it is you have to let it go. There are more people you will meet; some who will only turn out to be leaves and branches, but always remember to cherish those who are your roots. These are the people who truly know you through and through; it could be a family member, a grade school friend, even a high school sweetheart, but if you can count on one hand the number of friends who are like “roots” then take comfort in the fact that you are truly blessed in life.

[arthur]

Hi Lisa I know what you mean.  When I broke up with my ex girlfriend I had did it out of necessity.. I knew what a real"root" relationship was and I discovered as time wore on that my ex gf could never be that kind of person for me.  I wished her well and while it hurt to break up I still have regrets because she did have a lot of good qualities about her. But in the end the bad qualities made life with her an impossibility. For us to have to go through this additional loss is especially tough though because we have already lost so much. Hang in there Lisa!!:)))

[funlearningmother]

((((Lisa))))

Nice analogy. It may help me make some decisions. I have some friends I have been wondering what to do with. I have always seemed to struggle with people connecting with me. I have very, very few people come into my life that seem to want to work at being my friend. I do all the calling or connecting with people and there are only 3 or 4 that I could say make an effort to connect back with me and I can wait a month or longer for that. If someone does make the effort and are not badly dysfunctional then they are allowed to stay in my life and put into a flexible category. If they are growing and changing and do make the effort to ask about me and how I am doing and not just wait for me to help them then I will reciprocate. There are some that are much healthier for me and I feel much closer to of course and there are a lot of times that I feel no connection to anyone and I feel so alone.

((((Arthur))))

I have one of those relationships right now that I may be ending. I will not right now because I am not ready and it doesn't really affect me hugely right now because he lives 3000 KM/2500 miles away. What you shared is exactly what I feel about my boyfriend. He has some wonderful qualities and he was there for me when I needed him right after Riki died. He knew Riki and I was lost and suicidal and had no one else. He talked me into coming back to be with my kids (who I thought would want to have nothing to do with me and I was scared to see them). I have grown and am stronger now and I still may stay with him. I don't know. He carries a lot of his own anger and I don't know if I could live with that full time or if I even should make myself. I have talked to him about it and he says he won't let it affect me and he says that he uses it to help him. I do not understand how it could help him. I know his anger affects me even when it's not directed at me, which is rarely directed at me. He has severe PTSD from working overseas in the services and his son was murdered at 14, when Eric was overseas working in the services. He hates psychology, believes it's just a way for people to manipulate you and control a person. He doesn't want anyone in his business and yet I laugh sometimes and have said to him that what he has talked about is things that I have learned over the years and that my counselor now sometimes says the same thing he says, just in a different way. He is the first relationship that I was able to be totally honest with him. Sometimes it takes awhile and I have shared these thoughts with him as well because I will not hide stuff ever again. It's scary sometimes and I still do it because it gives me peace to be honest with myself and him.
I just don't know if what I am experiencing is what is in a healthy relationship or not. I never have had a healthy relationship, unfortunately my parents couldn't give me that skill.

I have babbled on and on, sorry for the off topic chat and yet it is part of my loss and grief.

Shelby x

[Terry]

I've experienced similar since the loss of my children with those I considered to be friends ending up being just a disappointment. I would make excuses for them as in, "They don't understand and have a hard time relating, etc., etc., etc." but after awhile when those who you called friends don't continue to be there for you when you truly need a friend, then they are just weeds in my garden of life that choke my flowers so I PULL them out! It's the only practical and logical thing to do.

I guess we all have our different meaning for insignificant and time and life consuming pretenders. Mine are 'weeds' in my 'garden' but it means the same thing. Leaves, weeds!!

We're both blessed to have good friends and to know what love is. My Dad used to tell me if I had one good friend, then I was very blessed. I can count on one hand the amount of true and blue friends I have but that one is the one that is there 24/7 and 365.

Life is just too short to waste time on someone who is not deserving of being a true friend. After a loss and our lives change drastically, then that's when we can begin to weed out the good from the bad. It get's easier to do, too.

Sometimes it's hard for us to resign to letting someone go because they are not worthy of our friendship. It get's less painful over time and as we learn who we are....who we really are.

Thanks for sharing the Story of the Tree, Lis.

Love,
Terry

[MyLou]

I figured I would share we all had these kinds of people in our lives at one point.

I am sure in the near future but this is what I need to do going forward.


Always,

Lisa

[RobinBlue]

This story also struck a chord with me as well as all the responses.

When I had breast cancer 12 years ago and was going through treatment, I thought I had a "best friend" that was going to help me through it (besides Tom) ... but she was the type of friend that couldn't deal with sickness and "bad things". That's when I learned the definition of a fair-weathered friend. She was there when the times were good but scarce when the times were bad. I didn't fault her because I understood that some people are just wired differently. But despite her good qualities (and she had a quite a few), our paths unalterably parted a few years ago. I have missed her but obviously there is no turning back. When Tom passed away, her husband reached out and was more than kind ... an email out of the blue. But when I tried to reach out to the both of them, I received only silence in return. Branches on trees.

I have a relationship now that I'm struggling with. This gf has been playing a HIGH profile since Tom's passing ... and she's bragging to everyone that she's "taking care" of me. She calls at least three times a day to check up on me and I feel like I'm being baby-sat on the weekends. There's a part of me that believes some of her actions are sincere ... but she was mainly Tom's friend and has ebbed in and out of my life for the past 29 years (she's burned me a few times). There's a big part of me that believes that she's just doing this out of respect for her friend, Tom. She would sit here and tell you that she's a "root" but she's really only a branch. And I'm just still too weak to do the pruning right now. I suspect, as the dust settles, she will go her way ... and if she doesn't, the pruning will begin.

Tom was my root. And now I'm left with nothing but branches. I really don't have a sturdy tree now. :/

[funlearningmother]

((((Robin))))

I know this may be hard to hear right now and maybe not....I wonder if maybe Tom's death was a way for you to grow and become a stronger person. It is forcing you to put down your own roots and your comment on the other post about becoming friends with your neighbor, maybe they are meant to be there for you to have some support stronger than the lady who is there for her own agenda of looking good because she is taking care of you. Tom wouldn't want you to be alone and your guides wouldn't either. They are all there helping bring in people who can either support you or teach you lessons to help you become stronger and for you to be happier with who you are as a person. As much as I fight it I am starting to believe that. I am scared to trust anyone and something outside of myself after all I have been through. I don't have much of a choice if I am going to get better because I can't do it on my own and even with people's help around me... well we are all human and strength comes from within and being able to stand with others around us supporting us including our guides/angels or whatever you feel they are. Sometimes when we look like we are alone we are not because we have the guides/angels/spirits helping us.

You heard about this woman telling everyone that she is taking care of you. Maybe ask her what she needs from you. Just that. I don't know if you have the strength for that or not. She needs something that she thinks she is getting from you by taking care of you. Even if she doesn't say or do anything maybe it will make her think. If you don't feel you have the strength do not do it. I understand, barely being able to take care of yourself and she is not worth the hassle right now if you can't.

Sending love your way, Shelby x

[Janka]

Those true friends I can count on one hand,they´re still here for me like the "trees" deserving of being the true friends.
The rest are the "leaves",they´re just walking a short time through the life.
There´s also the "weed",the people embittering the life all along.

Thanks for sharing this,Lis!

Hug you all!

Janka

[RobinBlue]

Hi Janka ... I totally forgot about the weeds and there are a couple in my life that I am pleased to "pluck" and toss aside. If there can be a "plus side" to losing Tom, it's that I get to clean house of the unwanted baggage.

[RobinBlue]

((((Robin))))

I know this may be hard to hear right now and maybe not....I wonder if maybe Tom's death was a way for you to grow and become a stronger person. It is forcing you to put down your own roots and your comment on the other post about becoming friends with your neighbor, maybe they are meant to be there for you to have some support stronger than the lady who is there for her own agenda of looking good because she is taking care of you. Tom wouldn't want you to be alone and your guides wouldn't either. They are all there helping bring in people who can either support you or teach you lessons to help you become stronger and for you to be happier with who you are as a person. As much as I fight it I am starting to believe that. I am scared to trust anyone and something outside of myself after all I have been through. I don't have much of a choice if I am going to get better because I can't do it on my own and even with people's help around me... well we are all human and strength comes from within and being able to stand with others around us supporting us including our guides/angels or whatever you feel they are. Sometimes when we look like we are alone we are not because we have the guides/angels/spirits helping us.

((((Shelby)))) .... thank you for the words of encouragement. They weren't difficult to hear. I have always considered myself pretty strong. My childhood wasn't the greatest, I lost both my parents over 20 years ago, I watched my best friend die from cancer, I survived breast cancer, I watched my house and everything I own literally go up in flames, I've buried dogs and horses and some how I've always managed to pick myself up, dust myself off and carry on. But for all those things, for the most part, Tom was there beside me. And I believe he has guided certain people toward me to fill in his gaps. When I think of the roots, I think of the people who love you unconditionally who are always there for you ... like your parents or your significant other. If I had siblings, I would hope they would be roots ... but since I don't, that really doesn't leave anyone else in my life. The last of my deepest loves as gone thus, I'm uprooted for now.

But as each day passes and I get more and more accomplished for myself, I feel like I'm setting down roots ... although it's not fast enough for my liking and comfort. One good wind storm and I'm going to topple over again. But spring has only just arrived and it's time to grow.

But as I do accomplish things I find that I am really missing Tom telling me he's proud of me. There were times when that meant the same as "I love you". And, on this 6-week anniversary, I'm really missing him.

[funlearningmother]

((((Robin))))

I know what you mean about missing those words. I miss them too. Yes, Those words are the same as I love you. All the little things they did to encourage and help us was love for us. I miss Riki and his words of support. I miss the good side of him so much. I think he is with me if not all the time, from time to time he visits me at least. Wish I could see him again and talk to him.

Hugs and love,
Shelby x