Author Topic: Wedding Anniversary!  (Read 3224 times)

Rodney

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Wedding Anniversary!
« on: February 23, 2015, 10:43:18 AM »
Hello everyone, I don't even know how to feel today, kinda numb I guess. This is so wierd...being without my Jennifer, and starting life over. I have been seing someone, and if that hasn't brought up some issues, in the last few weeks. I know Jennifer would & did want me to be happy, and that thought I hang on to. Yet, this day would have been our 9th anniversary, and I wish I knew how or what to feel? Sorting through all the stuff inside...I guess it comes down to a sense of sadness, missing her and that I guess is "normal"? I have to laugh at myself for playing shrink on myself, because I'm not particularl.y fond of "shrinks", no offense to anyone.

I was remembering our last one together, and she was in her hospital bed at home, and we had no money to buy anything for our anniversary for one another. I remember her saying: "happy anniversary baby!", and I honestly don't remember what I said in response, and that bothers me a little. I'm sure I responded in kind, yet just don't remember it. I do remember her, and that day! I sure do miss her!

I'm not sure what to do, or what to say? Kinda feeling in limbo here, uncertain, confussed a little, mixed feelings, and yet gratefull to have been loved so deeply by such a beautiful woman as her.

Thank you all for reading. Hugs to all!
Rodney~

 

Terry

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Re: Wedding Anniversary!
« Reply #1 on: February 23, 2015, 01:53:41 PM »

Hi Rod,

I certainly understand having so many mixed emotions on a very special date like today's date, your anniversary. Whatever you're feeling is OK and it's what you need to be feeling.

How wonderful that you feel so grateful for the love you two shared. You really can't ask anymore than that of your heart.

You're starting a new chapter in your life, meeting someone and considering a relationship. It all takes time to adjust to and I would just take it one day at a time, as I believe that you are. The limbo you mention and not knowing how to feel....that's all part of this grief journey. When those feelings hit we deal with them one at a time the best we can and try to understand and always, stay gentle with ourselves.

So glad you stopped in. You and Jen are always in my thoughts and I always love hearing from you.

Let me know how things are going and if we can help, we sure are here for you, my friend.

My love to you,
Terry



funlearningmother

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Re: Wedding Anniversary!
« Reply #2 on: February 23, 2015, 11:53:59 PM »
Hi Rodney

I understand it all. I have been just trying to focus on one moment at a time and be good to myself. Love myself and just do the best I can to take care of myself. I also have to remind myself that I need to not be so hard on myself. I am doing the best I can and did the best I can. I may not be great at some things and I am learning and growing. At least I haven't quit yet.

I am listening more to what my body says it needs and sleeping more and eating when I feel hungry and not ignoring myself. I have even started to make my kids do more to help me. I think Riki would be happy to see how I am doing, even when it hurts so bad I feel like my heart is going to jump out of my chest and I still keep going and keep learning to take better care of myself. The big lesson I learned... only I can make myself truly happy because people can let you down so quickly.

Hugs
Shelby x

Terry

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Re: Wedding Anniversary!
« Reply #3 on: February 24, 2015, 12:33:52 PM »

 The big lesson I learned... only I can make myself truly happy because people can let you down so quickly.


So true, Shelby. I couldn't agree more. No one can *make* us feel anything though at times we try to blame the world. I have terrible in-laws, well I don't even want to include them in any sense, family wise but I used to say, "They caused this or caused that" but it's me that's responsible for how I feel. I have allowed them to get under my skin and affect my emotional health in the past. I no longer allow that. I have risen above their pettiness, hatred and bad behaviors. Wasn't easy but it was worth it.

Thanks for sharing that with us. It brought out feelings in me that I struggled with for a very long time.

Love & Hugs,
Terry

Terry

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Re: Wedding Anniversary!
« Reply #4 on: February 24, 2015, 04:28:14 PM »
Rod, :love9:

We're still having problems with your picture, I see. I have no idea why it isn't showing up but I'm going onto my photo account where it once was and try to pull it up. Then I will post it for you.

Love & Hugs to you Rod and hope things are a little better today, not as confusing. Let me know.

Love,
Terry

MyLou

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Re: Wedding Anniversary!
« Reply #5 on: February 28, 2015, 03:33:44 AM »
(((( Rod ))))

I know for me dates just numb me.  Special dates we need to take the day for us.  Just honor your special dates how you like.  It's hard I know them not being here.

Also, they want us to be happy again. 

Always,

Lisa

"Soulmates Forever"

I miss you every second of everyday My Love

I know I will see you again

Rodney

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Re: Wedding Anniversary!
« Reply #6 on: February 28, 2015, 12:52:40 PM »
Thank you all, for reading, and leaving messages, they are helpful.
The kicker in this time of year for me personally is, on March 6th is the day Jennifer died, passing to the other side.
So, roughly two weeks apart are these monumental day's, and yes, I am mostly numb! Waking up this morning, while drinking my coffee, tears ran down my face, and I was unable to identify exactly why? Maybe I just miss her so? I sometimes have to laugh at myself, for of course...I will always miss her! It's learning how to carry on with my life without her by my side! She knew me like no other, she was my soul-mate, and I am accutely aware of that now probably more than ever before. It is not as gloomy as this may sound, yet still have moments like that, and I personally have to stay away from that darkness for it would, and has, enveloped me body & soul. I look at the love we shared, and the good times even in her illness, and remind myself, I know what forgiveness is, and unconditional love from one who knew all there was to know about me, and that is a rare thing to share with another human being.

Thank you all for being with me in spirit through all this!
((((((Hugs to All)))))
Rodney

Terry

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Re: Wedding Anniversary!
« Reply #7 on: February 28, 2015, 01:30:21 PM »
(((((((Rod))))))) :love9:

I'm so sorry for your pain. Know that we're here for you and understand how difficult these dates are.....all of it is. I will remember your precious Jen on March 6th and know I'm holding you so close to my heart. :tearyeyed:

Much love to you, Rodney, and please post whenever you need to. It helps to write it out sometimes.
Love,
Terry

arthur

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Re: Wedding Anniversary!
« Reply #8 on: March 01, 2015, 09:08:45 PM »
Hi Rodney.. those dates will be with us for the rest of our lives.  I think its a good thing to never forget them and give them the attention they are due.  They were and are forever in out hearts. I don't try to talk about it anymore to anyone not my family friends or my girlfriend... They would never understand.   The only people I know of who understand are others who have also lost a spouse and not even some of those seem to "get it".  Commemorate your loves' angel date and know that on 030615 you will be thought of.
Take care Rodney
arthur