((Lisa))
I am glad to hear you are ok. It's funny because I have seen that name, Maya Angelou, around from people in my life. I don't remember where or through who but I remember the name because it's so unique. I have never been on pinterest or any of the other social medias. I have three different emails, I go on Facebook and text, etc. not much more then that. It is a wonderful sign that you received. Nice saying and to know that Lou is there...
I have never been very good at remembering dates and with Riki and I there really wasn't anything that sticks out except his birthday and death date. A lot happened that month. 7 days after he died I got my divorce papers and 11 days after, a friend of his and mine died.
All I have been doing the last couple of months or so is talking about him, to him and remembering us/him. What I really want is that which I can't have. I want to see him and talk to him again just once. I even know that our interaction would be different for me because I have changed and I am not sure how I would feel about him except that he has changed too, of course that's my imagination because he should be more at peace not being in this world anymore so maybe we would have a more peaceful exchange.
Sometimes I feel guilty because I want him with me, I want to feel him and touch him and I can't and I also think who am I to be so much more important then his daughter and his other kids that have a greater claim over him then I do. The only reason he was with me and stayed with me was because he messed up his relationships with them. If he had been with her I never would have been in the picture the way I was and things would have been different for both of us. He wouldn't have needed me the way he thought he did. I know that is not healthy thinking because if someone needs you then they are not happy with themselves. That's how I am sometimes. It's slowly changing, I am learning to love myself. I can't even say anymore. I lost some of my clear thoughts and now I am spinning circles, as Riki used to say.
Shelby x