Poll

Do you feel guilty when you have a good day or feel joy? *you can choose 2*

yes, how can I feel good when my child is gone...
no, my child would want me to be happy
sometimes I do, sometimes I don't

Author Topic: Guilt  (Read 4648 times)

starynyte

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Guilt
« on: December 28, 2006, 07:26:59 AM »
Sometimes it's hard to allow ourseves to feel any joy at all, and we often feel guilty when we catch ourselves laughing or feeling good. Do you experience this? How does it make you feel? What are the ways in which you deal with it, or justify that it is ok for us to feel happy, and joy?

Louise

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Re: Guilt
« Reply #1 on: December 28, 2006, 08:59:46 AM »
Hi Cheri.I remember when keren first died,I was hardly eating,but when I did I would think"how can I put food in my mouth with my daughter gone!!!!{I lost almost 25 pounds}I have only started to just within the last month feel any kind of peace or happiness and it's only with my two son's,but even then i feel guiltly!Then i think to myself"Louise,keren LOVED her two brothers,she wants you to go on being the kind of mother you always were.So that helps a little,but it is still soo HARD,Love,Louise[keren's mom]

Chy Scott's Mom

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Re: Guilt
« Reply #2 on: December 28, 2006, 09:29:05 AM »
It was extemely hard at first and then I realized that every smile or laugh will never be given with the same abandoment as they were before I heard those words that Scott was dead.  Some days I feel horrible guilt at being able to expierience things because he can not and then others I will do it because he can't and I try to do it for him too.  Most always though it's a mixture of both and I hide deep inside the trepidation, conflict and pain I feel but it all threatens my sanity.  This much conflict over one single moment in time threatens sanity.  I can't wait to talk with Scott about all this, even with only 16 years on his head, he was my one person I could always have the deepest, most real conversations with and missing my blue eyed old soul pagan boy is much to big to contemplate totally lest I lose all touch with what threads remain here to this physical existance.  Happiness brings deep sadness but I wear the cloak of deception because not many understand or really care, it's my burden to carry.

MARTHA(CANDI'S AUNT)

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Re: Guilt
« Reply #3 on: December 28, 2006, 02:52:48 PM »
CHERRI,
  YES.... I FEEL GUILTY . I KNOW CANDI WOULDN'T WANT US TO FEEL THAT WAY . BUT IT'S HARD NOT TO.

I MISS HER & WANT HER BACK.


MARTHA



Chrs

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Re: Guilt
« Reply #4 on: December 28, 2006, 06:07:38 PM »
I feel guilty every day. The whys and what if's come every moment that I am not distracted by daily life. I ask why did MY daughter have to be taken from me and what if I did something better (would she still be here?) I don't know. I have lost weight also I'm 5'9 at 120 was at 145 cuz its hard to eat and I feel guilty if I do. Today I was having a good time with the family and stooped in the middle and started crying. I don't know why it hurts feeling joy it just does.

I'm kinda at a weird stage I think that its bad to  be happy because I could not save my little Sara. Why should I? Is there a reason to be? I have nothing else, no other children to keep me distracted. I cant answer that all I know is that I do continue on my daily schedule.

Paula (Adam's Brokenhearted Mama)

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Re: Guilt
« Reply #5 on: January 06, 2007, 10:10:54 AM »
I feel guilty ALL THE TIME. It retrospect I was not cut out to be a good Mom. I tried, but made so many mistakes and as the saying goes "The road to Hell is paved with good intentions".
If only I had the knowledge that I have now, if only I could turn back the hands of time with the knowledge I could parent better and maybe have been a better parent to Adam so he wouldn't have turned to drugs, encouraged Kaitlin more to love herself as she is. I was so consumed with her disabilities and waged war with all the doctors and educators to help her, my time would have served her better making her feel could about all that she could do.
Support Josh better in accepting that change is a part of life. Encouraging Craig to change jobs so that he wouldn't be away from the family so much. Allowing Matthew to fall down and pick up the pieces himself vs me always swooping in as supermom and trying to micromanage and fix things.
The sad reality of my life, "Only if....."
Guilt, I know it well, it should be my name.
Sadly,
Paula

Sharon - Dawn's Mom

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Re: Guilt
« Reply #6 on: January 06, 2007, 11:25:07 AM »
I feel guilty when I don't think of Dawn.  I think it's because, if I don't think about her, I'm so afraid the memories will fade.  Somedays, I wish I could just put my thoughts in the back of my head and just not think at all, then too I feel guilty.  It's just such a mixed up journey that we are on.  There are no answers.

tim

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Re: Guilt
« Reply #7 on: January 07, 2007, 07:17:49 PM »
I feel guilt and regret on and off, even though under the circumstance there was nothing I could of done that would of made a difference.
I wish I could go back in a time machine and try though.
« Last Edit: January 07, 2007, 07:22:18 PM by tim »
Tim (Jenae's Dad)

           Jenae Jasmine Gallegos
    July 16th, 1995 - May 30th, 2005
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Johanna

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Re: Guilt
« Reply #8 on: January 08, 2007, 10:11:40 AM »
Whether Micheal would not want me to feel guilty about it or not (and I know he would want me to be happy because he lived to make me smile and laugh), I still struggle with the question of "how dare I be happy when my son is gone for the rest of my life?" 

But I have to admit that small moments of happiness have snuck into my life from time to time.  I still carry that indescribable weight in my chest, all the time, whether I am just living, or whether I am being graced with one of those small moments, but I am trying to learn not to feel guilty about them.

Love and hugs,
Johanna, Micheal's Mom


Who, then, can so softly bind up the wound of another as he,
who has felt the same wound himself?
Thomas Jefferson

Carmen

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Re: Guilt
« Reply #9 on: January 11, 2007, 11:10:41 PM »
So much guilt.  My daughter died from complications from a bone marrow transplant in November 2006.  During her last weeks she could not eat solid foods.  This was devastating to her ... she was always a big eater... she loved lobster and crab legs.  Now when I eat, I am filled with guilt.  I find I have no appetite...I have no hope...People say it will get easier.  But I can't see how right now.  I don't see how I can be happy when my daughter wanted so much to live...she fought for 5 years.  I still can't believe I am having to write about this...  C.j.

Lonnie

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Re: Guilt
« Reply #10 on: January 12, 2007, 12:52:05 AM »
Carmen: I am from the main board and came across your post tonight. I just wanted to let you know that I am praying for you. I am so sorry for the death of your daughter. There is another lady on this board (Child Loss) whose precious daughter also died after a bone marrow transplant (Kelli's mom). She can certainly relate to your loss. Please come by and write out your feelings when you feel you can. The people here (on all the boards) are compassionate, caring people who will listen and weep with you. You are certainly in my thoughts and prayers. Your loss is so new and fresh. May God comfort you and hold you close, Hugs-Lonnie