Author Topic: mother in law like a real mother  (Read 6200 times)

Sally1950

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mother in law like a real mother
« on: August 21, 2014, 12:26:00 PM »
my mother-in-law was my mother for 44 years. my 'real' mother had me for 19 years and never missed an opportunity to tell me she didn't want me or like me. my mother-in-law Adele was there for me when I needed a parent and when she became widowed I asked her to move in with us. we had 7 years together and they were great. then in January she was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer that had already spread to her liver and the doctor said she had only 2 months to live. well, she lived until August, but the past 6 months have been very hard and the 5 days before she died was the worse. she was embarrased that she was incontinent. she hated that she could not walk without help. and she had pain and suffered. I nursed her at night and my daughter cared for her during the day. on the 6th at 2:30 am she moaned and I held her hand and washed her face. I was falling asleep, so I moved to a chair and fell asleep. my husband woke me at 6:30 and said she was gone.
I feel really bad that she was alone when she died. she was unconscious for 2 days, but still she stopped moaning when I held her hand or touched her face. I left her alone. her hand and face were already getting cold. why are living people warm and dead people cold? what is it about the human spirit that causes heat? when the spirit leaves the biological chemical reactions that produces heat stops. why? the same thing happened when my daughter died. she became cold.

Terry

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Re: mother in law like a real mother
« Reply #1 on: August 22, 2014, 06:11:31 PM »

((((((Sally))))))

I'm so sorry to learn of your precious mother-in-law, Adele's death. Thank you for letting us know. We all here understand how devastating it is to lose someone that we love so very much. You have my heart and you'll be in my thoughts. We're here for you in every way.

My love,
Terry


Sally1950

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Re: mother in law like a real mother
« Reply #2 on: September 12, 2014, 10:07:38 AM »
this is the first day I have been back to this site since Adele died. I feel so guilty going through her things. I feel bad giving away her stuff or worse! throwing something away. I found her favorite scissors that she had lost inside her couch and it make me cry. my grief is different than it was for my daughter. with Heather I went into shock and don't remmeber 2 0r 3 months after her death. this time I expected it and meant to be with her like she wanted, but I went to sleep. everything makes me feel guilty because I let her down. my husband (her son) seems to be coping better than me, except he doesn't want to talk about it

Terry

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Re: mother in law like a real mother
« Reply #3 on: September 24, 2014, 12:02:01 AM »

You're in my thoughts, Sally.

Sally1950

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Re: mother in law like a real mother
« Reply #4 on: November 14, 2014, 09:40:40 AM »
have been avoiding all social media, don't know why. finding it hard to get back to 'normal'. re-purposed Adele's rooms. made myself a place to sew and do crafts. have no one to talk to. my husband's idea of quality time is us sitting together not talking and watching something or just reading.  2weeks after Adele died, my friend Brenda died. then 2 weeks later my friend Cathy died. then I found out I need surgery, again. sometimes I have so much physical and psychic pain I don't want to wake up in the morning.

Janka

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Re: mother in law like a real mother
« Reply #5 on: November 14, 2014, 01:06:57 PM »
Dear Sally!

I´m sorry for your loss and hug you from the heart!

Greeting from Janka
​I always kiss you from the heart,my endless love,
you know how much I love you,also stars above,
you will always be my dearest and only one,
I can not wait to be with you,my beloved Jan.

Janka

Terry

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Re: mother in law like a real mother
« Reply #6 on: November 18, 2014, 09:17:42 AM »
Sally - good luck with your upcoming surgery and do let us know how you make out.

Love,
Terry