Author Topic: Rinto, thinking of you and the upcomng holiday  (Read 2760 times)

Terry

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    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
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Rinto, thinking of you and the upcomng holiday
« on: July 27, 2014, 10:32:02 AM »

((((Rinto))))

You're in my thoughts as you approach Lebaran the 28th and 29th.

Let us know how it goes and what you decided.  :icon_flower:

Love,
Terry

shaven77

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Re: Rinto, thinking of you and the upcomng holiday
« Reply #1 on: July 29, 2014, 05:29:18 PM »
Hello,

First of all thank you for your concern and care for me.
Appreciate it very much with all my heart.

The point of Lebaran ( it's on wikipedia too if any of you interested to know ) is to meet with other people, families, elders, relatives and forgive each others for past mistakes, wrongdoings or anything else however big or small it is. We give respects to elders. I decided to do this individually, family by family, one by one. There's a huge family gathering but I decided that for me this year, I'll do it that way, because I think it is eventually reached the same purposes without having to go through huge family gatherings.

Speaking of family,

I think I found some family here, someone who understands and those that really knows where I am right now, what I need to be and where I must go. Thank you all for all your help and motivations. I'm saying this because someone in real life keep judging me negative for being sad and not 'move on'. While I get what they are saying, this grief is my grief and I'm handling it the way I can. I'm carrying my grief with me but keep on moving forward. Some people just doesn't understand that. I hate the term 'move on' because perhaps it has connotation with 'forgetting the past'. I refuse to forget. I want to befriend the grief and taking it with me through my new adventures and my journey.

Thank You
Rinto


Terry

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Re: Rinto, thinking of you and the upcomng holiday
« Reply #2 on: July 30, 2014, 11:47:48 AM »

Hi Rinto - I'm glad to hear that you've made the right decision for you and for how you've been feeling. That's so important to not be intimidated by who I call the *Grief Police* and yes, they are the same ones that tell us to *move on* and *forget, already* and to *get on with our lives*....after all, it isn't like someone died, right? (sarcasm badly needed) People can really be cold and cruel but we have to rise above that and them to search for our own way in life after a great loss when our lives are turned upside down, inside out and it's only for *us* to determine the path we now take. So, once again...Good for you, Rinto for setting boundaries and standing your ground because you're right that this is your grief, not theirs so it is not for them to judge in any way.

You're right, also about taking all of our feelings with us. They are not to be forgotten or swept under a rug as that just diminishes the great love that we felt and also reminds us that they *lived.* They truly lived. We honor them by talking about their life and what they brought into ours. In time we learn to accept that they are gone and that's probably the most difficult part of this journey but it's healing.

Try to surround yourself with those people who truly want to understand although they can never really until they have suffered a great loss. Constantly being bombarded by that type of negativity is not healthy for your healing process. Come here as we understand and care, very much and write as much as you want or need to. Share about your wife when you're ready as we all want to share your pain and also your memories.

Thank You for your response and sharing of Lebaran. What a truly interesting and positive experience to be involved in. I like the way you handled this, too. You are guarding your heart while strengthening it.

Sending big hugs and my love to you, :love9:

(((((((Rinto)))))))

Terry

funlearningmother

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Re: Rinto, thinking of you and the upcomng holiday
« Reply #3 on: July 30, 2014, 02:39:51 PM »
I think that Terry said it really well and I agree with what he has said. It sounds like you are handling things really well, taking care of yourself and not letting others run you over or down.

I am glad to hear you found someone outside of the internet to talk to and share things with. I understand about feeling like I am being told to forget when people tell me to move on or that I didn't know him that long so my grief is not that strong or I should be over him already. It hurts to not have the support.

Lots of love and healing, Shelby

mousewife

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Re: Rinto, thinking of you and the upcomng holiday
« Reply #4 on: August 03, 2014, 03:06:03 PM »
Rinto,

You sound like you are dealing with your grief with great grace.

Peace and Healing,
mousewife