Hello,
First of all thank you for your concern and care for me.
Appreciate it very much with all my heart.
The point of Lebaran ( it's on wikipedia too if any of you interested to know ) is to meet with other people, families, elders, relatives and forgive each others for past mistakes, wrongdoings or anything else however big or small it is. We give respects to elders. I decided to do this individually, family by family, one by one. There's a huge family gathering but I decided that for me this year, I'll do it that way, because I think it is eventually reached the same purposes without having to go through huge family gatherings.
Speaking of family,
I think I found some family here, someone who understands and those that really knows where I am right now, what I need to be and where I must go. Thank you all for all your help and motivations. I'm saying this because someone in real life keep judging me negative for being sad and not 'move on'. While I get what they are saying, this grief is my grief and I'm handling it the way I can. I'm carrying my grief with me but keep on moving forward. Some people just doesn't understand that. I hate the term 'move on' because perhaps it has connotation with 'forgetting the past'. I refuse to forget. I want to befriend the grief and taking it with me through my new adventures and my journey.
Thank You
Rinto