Author Topic: lost and drowning  (Read 5070 times)

jbryant

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Re: lost and drowning
« Reply #15 on: June 24, 2014, 05:27:07 PM »
for me Ive found its best to run to what brings on the pain face it cry till its done its job and move on to the next one till it's all ran it's course and the journey I don't think will ever be over just a little easier one day at a time  :engel2: John

Terry

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    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
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Re: lost and drowning
« Reply #16 on: June 26, 2014, 09:48:33 PM »
So I had a field trip with my son and daughters grade 5/6 classes. We went to what they call Weasel Head flats. It was some concrete walking trails and some dirt. There was a pond and a small river that we passed along the way. The teacher in charge had us stop and for a couple of mins by the river we were to just listen and look. I have always loved to do that I love nature. I just ended up crying quietly. When I was with Riki the happiest places were with him in the woods and especially on the lake. His father owns a boat. I don't know how I will ever visit a lake or river without feeling this horrendous grief. I want to be in those places and when I am it just hurts.

Along with the painful memories it was nice to be able to enjoy your time with the kids on the nature trail. That bitter and sweet is so often for so long.

Hugs,
Terry

Terry

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Re: lost and drowning
« Reply #17 on: July 27, 2014, 10:36:42 AM »

I am trying to write out the events of the car accident and I do about 2 paragraphs and can't go anymore and at this moment I feel absolutely frozen. There is just so much that could have gone differently and I don't know why it hurts so much.


We're here for you when you're ready. I hope you're doing well. :icon_flower:

Love,
Terry

funlearningmother

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Re: lost and drowning
« Reply #18 on: July 31, 2014, 08:05:57 AM »
Thanks Terry

It took me over a month to get back to my writing and I started it, of all places, at my parents. My parents and I have an up and down relationship and we have all worked at changing ourselves. I am happy to watch my parents in their mid-late 60's work to change themselves and to treat others and themselves differently. We live 8hrs or so apart and every year they pay for me and my kids to visit them. This year is important because my dad and uncle have cancer. It is the same type but my uncle right now is worse. He is fading away, weak and losing a lot of weight. My dad had surgery and was told that they got it all. About a month after the surgery they had done tests and said the cancer is more aggressive then they thought. The only thing they can do to treat it is radiation treatment because that's the only type of treatment that type of cancer will respond to. So now we are just waiting.

On top of that I can get very young when I am back with my parents. 2 1/2 - 3 weeks is about how long we visit. My reactions and behaviors revert to childhood. I have been more honest with them then I ever have been. I was scared to tell my mom something because I knew it would hurt her but she listened and thought about it. That was a big step for me. Otherwise, I feel panicky (not sure why, trapped?) and sad, anxious, frustrated and somewhat relaxed, sometimes happy. I don't know how to talk to my dad. My mom was always the dominant parent and I don't have much of a relationship with my dad so I struggle with trying to make conversation, which I don't do because of that.