Author Topic: LOST  (Read 9505 times)

FrankM

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LOST
« on: April 29, 2014, 04:19:40 PM »
My name is Frank I lost my wife on April 5 2014 after 34 years of marriage and taken care of her 24/7 after 10 months of stomach cancer. I am 55 and right now bel my life is over.

I Don't know what to do.

MyLou

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Re: LOST
« Reply #1 on: April 29, 2014, 04:25:35 PM »
((((( FRANK )))))))

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful wife.  This journey is very hard it takes a lot out of you.  Please take one second, minute, hour , day at a time.  We all grieve different.  There are support groups out there in your area.  You can google it.  You can journal write everything down.  If you can't sleep just lay down to rest.  We all know your pain.

None of us want to be here but I am glad you found us. Welcome to Our Family.

Please post as often as you want.  Someone will always answer you. 

Always

Lisa

"Soulmates Forever"

I miss you every second of everyday My Love

I know I will see you again

FrankM

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Re: LOST
« Reply #2 on: April 29, 2014, 05:11:35 PM »
Thank you, sleep what's that. I m just so lonely and lost is this then e n d of things? WHAT DO I do now, I 've been married for 34 years how do I be alone?

Terry

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    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
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Re: LOST
« Reply #3 on: April 29, 2014, 07:01:18 PM »

Frank - I'm so sorry for the recent death of your precious wife. Welcome to Webhealing and know that we understand the pain of such a great loss here.

As Lisa shared with you and her words ring so true; this is a difficult journey. We take it one day and sometimes even one breath at a time. When you're comfortable sharing with those on the 'outside' the support groups can be very helpful. Even if it means just getting out of the house for a few hours and being with others who you know understand the depth of your loss.

At this time I would just concentrate on taking very good care of yourself physically. Grief does zap our immune systems and we can get very sick and very fast. Rest if you can't sleep. Snack on healthy foods if you can't sit down to a full meal. Drink plenty of water. And, write everything down you're feeling in a journal and on here. That will help you the most.

We're here for you, day or night. If you need anything just let us know.

Sending you hugs and lots of love,

((((((((Frank))))))))

Love,
Terry

FrankM

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Re: LOST
« Reply #4 on: April 29, 2014, 07:42:12 PM »
Thanks Its coming up on a month next week after 34 years I Don't know what to do with myself, I lonely, alone and don't know how/ to go on.

Terry

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Re: LOST
« Reply #5 on: April 29, 2014, 07:50:05 PM »

Frank - do you have any family close by?

It may help to talk with someone - a grief counselor. It surely couldn't hurt if you're feeling overwhelmed.

Hugs


FrankM

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Re: LOST
« Reply #6 on: April 29, 2014, 08:15:11 PM »
Just my kids but they expect/I need to be strong for them, but I m ALL alone.

mousewife

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Re: LOST
« Reply #7 on: April 29, 2014, 08:20:20 PM »
Frank I' m so sorry for your loss.  I know you feel like it's all over.  That life is sadly over.  But it is a process for us to accept this fact.  I lost my soulmate too.  Slowly you will feel better.  L
I'm sorry it has to be this way.  It's a process.
Mouswife

FrankM

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Re: LOST
« Reply #8 on: April 29, 2014, 08:55:58 PM »
Thank You

FrankM

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Re: LOST
« Reply #9 on: April 29, 2014, 08:59:26 PM »
I m 55 was married for 34 years and now my life is over, I didn't/don't want to be alone but at my age and grief what am I too do. I guess it's over.

DaveB

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Re: LOST
« Reply #10 on: April 29, 2014, 11:32:48 PM »
FrankM, I'm in a similar situation, I'm 57, widowed at 54 after almost 27 years of marriage. I know it feels like it's all over, but your life still goes on. Being alone was awful at first, but I've kind of gotten used to it now. I don't like the idea of being alone the rest of my life, but I'm not sure what to do about it.

Things that helped me early on were walking/hiking every day after work, get outdoors and take in some scenery if you can. Also, I wrote in a journal every day, everything that came to my mind. That helped me a lot. Having a friend or family member who you can vent to will help. Writing/reading here helped me a lot too.

Take care of yourself, try to get enough rest, don't forget to eat.

Dave

FrankM

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Re: LOST
« Reply #11 on: April 30, 2014, 03:19:29 AM »
Thanks Dave,

I have been lucky/unlucky enough to be retired but have an Implanted morphine pump so I 'll be doing no hiking but understand what your saying. I 'm 55 and life feels over I do know if I should try and start over or even if I know how to. But thanks for your help. Frank

Doug1222

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Re: LOST
« Reply #12 on: April 30, 2014, 05:32:41 AM »
I m 55 was married for 34 years and now my life is over, I didn't/don't want to be alone but at my age and grief what am I too do. I guess it's over.

Frank, first of all, I'm very sorry we have to meet this way. You're in the right place, though. The people here are wonderful.

I haven't lost a spouse. I lost a sister, a brother, and my dad. My only experience in that area is from my mom when we lost my dad. I wanted to comment, though. Her situation was very similar to yours except my dad wasn't an illness. He died suddenly in an accident the day before their 34th anniversary. She was 51 at the time. He was 57 and completely healthy. Then he was gone.

For about three years, she sounded just like you. She told me multiple times that she wished she had jumped in the grave with my dad and let them cover her up, too. She didn't want to start over and had no intention to.

Then she went on a date with a preacher at the prodding of some friends. It was a disaster. She didn't like him at all. However, on that date she met another guy named Butch. He was a long time divorcee with no intention of ever getting married again.

They've been married ten years, and they're very happy together. She was just about your age when they started dating. He's not my dad and he never will be. My mom was with him since she was sixteen and they made four kids together. That was one life. She's built a whole new one with Butch...and it made her happy again. She doesn't cry every day like she did when we lost my dad. I'm happy for her.

I'm not saying you will or even should start a new relationship. It happens, though. Sometimes it happens when we least expect it. You might not see it now, but our life doesn't end because somebody else's did. We need to keep living.

How do you move on? One day at a time. One minute at a time. Cry when you need to. Grieve in your own way on your own schedule. Your age? You aren't old at all. You've still got a lot of life ahead. You're still very young. Your wife would not want you to stop living this young. It will get better. I don't know when, but I promise it will. 

You've still got living to do.

I hope that helps.

FrankM

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Re: LOST
« Reply #13 on: April 30, 2014, 06:27:26 AM »
Dear Doug,

Sounds like me, I married Kathy the day after she turned 16 ( her Birthday is/was March 15, we married the next day March 15, 1980 34 years ago) and we also have 4 children 2 boys 2 girls 35,31,30 and 25.

We found out by dumb luck in May of 2013 t g at she had stomach cancer I took a buyout from work ( also I have an implanted morphine pump due to bad kidneys and a tumor) and retired to take care of her 24/7.

I didn't want any nursing homes for her but did get hospice involved ( BIG mistake they were/are terrible, they didn't even call the funeral home nor Since the day she died have I gotten a letter or phone call).

So after 34 years and 10 months or so I too wish I died too. I see NO light at the end of the tunnel, so lost is not even close to how I feel. Is life at 55 really over?  I don't know. But Thanks for your story it's like looking in a mirror. Frank

FrankM

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Re: LOST
« Reply #14 on: April 30, 2014, 02:09:37 PM »
I m trying but my whole world is over, it went from being together for 34 years to her being sick and taken care of her 24/7. Even when she couldn't walk that well I would help her to the bathroom etc.

 Then came the time she couldn't walk or move at all into the hospital bed with oxygen, bathing her etc to NOTHING life over at 55 years old.

Last week I was going ok in public but the last 2 or 3 days are/were bad. I was in the local/neighborhood st o 're it was the first time since Kathy death and they were nice and asking how I and my family were doing and I had to leave.

What the bell is wrong with me, this is what my life h as come to?