Author Topic: How is everyone doing?  (Read 11012 times)

Janka

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Re: How is everyone doing?
« Reply #30 on: February 09, 2015, 10:16:32 PM »
Tonight I feel so sad that I canīt turn off my laptop and go to bed.I couldnīt fall asleep,so I read your post to feel a little bit better again.Do you know the feeling when a powerful surge of grief can overcome yourself so much that you suffer more than before and canīt stop crying though you try to?I realized that after posting my beloved Janīs picture on here.Writing about him and also seeing his beautiful face is too much for my painful heart.Maybe later itīs gonna be better again.

My beloved Jan...my life,my breath,my everything...I love him even more each day...

Janka
​I always kiss you from the heart,my endless love,
you know how much I love you,also stars above,
you will always be my dearest and only one,
I can not wait to be with you,my beloved Jan.

Janka

funlearningmother

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Re: How is everyone doing?
« Reply #31 on: February 10, 2015, 12:59:16 AM »
Janka

I understand the pain. Sometimes it's good to just let yourself cry until you can't anymore. I think there will come a day when you won't need to do that so much.
Love and hugs, Shelby

Janka

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Re: How is everyone doing?
« Reply #32 on: February 18, 2015, 07:19:10 PM »
Dear Shelby!

Iīve made up my mind to do not cry as much as I had done before for two of reasons I found to be very strong.The first was because I didnīt want to make my beloved Jan sad,seeing me suffer too much and then I stopped crying as long as possible.The second was because crying so much made me feel worse than before,having such strong headache as I couldnīt do anything,not even fall asleep.Lately at Christmas meeting a very kind priest brought into my life such a great change to ease my pain,so I try to do not cry as much as before.Thereīs no word to describe what happened in my life,thatīs why I feel that God is my biggest help.I canīt say that I suffer less,Iīve only found a way for going through.The priest and my best friends have been helping me as much as possible.Everything has changed,but my love for my beloved Jan is the same,even stronger day after day.Well,thatīs the way it is.

Love and hugs from Janka
​I always kiss you from the heart,my endless love,
you know how much I love you,also stars above,
you will always be my dearest and only one,
I can not wait to be with you,my beloved Jan.

Janka

funlearningmother

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Re: How is everyone doing?
« Reply #33 on: February 21, 2015, 12:10:01 AM »


Hi Janka, I know this message is addressed to Shelby and I don't want to hijack your thread :icon_mrgreen: but wanted to share that crying is very healthy.
[/quote]
Terry and anyone else listening/reading, please don't ever feel that these threads are not to be commented on or shared. I feel that if Janka and I really want a private conversation we will do it by private message. I need to have others comments as well. I need as much support as possible. Sometimes I feel a lack of caring if I am not heard and commented on. I am very much an interactive person, even as an introvert, and I need to know that you all care enough to say something and want to help, just as I do my best to give the same thing back to you all. I am going through a very rough time this last couple of weeks and my self esteem is very low even though I know that I am working on fixing myself and growing stronger.

I am doing my best to work through my fears and it all revolves around pain as I am coming to figure out and accept. What you said about not getting signs because of blocks, that is something that I don't think I have heard in reference to grief. I appreciate hearing that. I have been crying more then I normally do and sleeping a lot lately. I have no desire to do anything. Even connecting with people, I don't want to and I am feeling like i am not worth the air I breathe. I find that when my kids are around I have to block what I am feeling to feed them and take care of them and get things done. I am struggling big time right now and I am guessing from what you said about blocking signs is that I have done that my whole life, unintentionally.

I am all over the place with that conversation. Love and hugs to you all,
Shelby x

Janka

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Re: How is everyone doing?
« Reply #34 on: February 21, 2015, 03:04:31 PM »
Hi Shelby!

I sent you a private message.

Janka
« Last Edit: February 21, 2015, 05:26:53 PM by Janka »
​I always kiss you from the heart,my endless love,
you know how much I love you,also stars above,
you will always be my dearest and only one,
I can not wait to be with you,my beloved Jan.

Janka

Terry

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    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
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Re: How is everyone doing?
« Reply #35 on: February 21, 2015, 04:08:19 PM »
Janka,

Shelby was responding to the remark I made when I posted to you when I shared, "I don't want to hijack your thread" and it had nothing at all to do with you. It was a courtesy on my part and then also on Shelby's to respond.

Love,
Terry

funlearningmother

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Re: How is everyone doing?
« Reply #36 on: February 21, 2015, 08:39:22 PM »
 ((((((Janka))))))

The last post I made was a little bit in response to you and a little bit in response to Terry. It wasn't the best response because I am not in a very secure place emotionally right now. I am sad to hear that I have upset you with it. So in response to your last long post this is what I have to say:

I disagree with stopping yourself from crying. I have done that before and it just has made it worse for me in the end. You were so in love with Jan and your loss is great. You need to let your body do what it needs to. I didn't understand about the headache although it makes sense to me that you got dehydrated, as Terry said, and you need to drink water while you are crying. I believe that Jan will be sad to see you so sad and I think he will understand that you miss him and need to cry. I am sure that he is there with you through all your crying even if you can't feel it. I know that when I have a good cry my body feels all tingly and lighter and at the same time I am worn right out. It's usually the best time for me to have a good sleep.

It is wonderful that you have your faith and friends to share things with. It is important to have that support. I know that I have that support and at the same time I sometimes feel completely alone. That is one of the reasons I miss Riki so much because I could always go to him when I was feeling so alone. I grew up trying to make others happy and never learned how to make myself happy or to have a healthy relationship. Now it's a struggle for me to know what is a healthy relationship and when what I say might hurt or help others. I do my best and as I have been helping myself grow and learning to love myself I have been getting better at understanding and helping others.

I hope you are doing better and taking care of yourself Janka.

Hugs and love,
Shelby