Hi Lindsalee. I want to echo what Doug just said. This forum is a really remarkable venue for you to share your thoughts and feelings and get some genuine support. I lost my sister just over 5 years ago. The friends that I made on this site really helped me get through the lowest of the lows. As Doug said, it will get . . . easier . . . it will become different . . .
I wish that there was some way to speed up the process for you but, unfortunately, you just need to fight on. It took me a good 3 years before I was able to re-connect with friends and begin to live my life again.
When I was in the depths of my worst moments, the only thing that really helped at all was to know that there were others out there thinking about me. Know that I am thinking about you . . .
I hope that you continue to utilize this support group. Write lots . . . and write often . . . I think that you'll be pleasantly surprised at the responses you will receive.
For now, take it day to day . . . hour to hour if you must.
Best,
Scott