Author Topic: Loss of my mother - Gladys  (Read 2895 times)

Kathy914

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Loss of my mother - Gladys
« on: October 16, 2013, 09:14:03 AM »
This is my first post.  My mother died 10/18/2013 at the age of 91 years old.  I am 58 years old and I could probably count on one hand the number of years my mother and I did not live together.  We were a package deal when I met my husband and that was fine with him.  He has known her for 27 years.  She has always lived with us.  Both my son and daughter have always been with their grandmother and we are all taking my mom's death very hard.  She was the picture of health until she was 88 years old and had a mastectomy, she went through radiation treatment and was a trooper.  She bounced back from that was cancer free for 2 1/2 years until January of this year where they had found new growth.  We did the cancer pill Xolota but that made her sick.  The doctor was going to cut back on that but then my mother fell and broke her hip.  She had a partial hip replacement in February and was up walking within 3 weeks.  When we went back to the cancer doctor - he found that more cells were in her lungs and that she had lesions on her brain.  We went through 12 sessions of radiation to the brain but she just seemed to go downhill from that. 

Sorry if this is a little long but just wanted to give you some background on her.  I don't go home for lunch since she has passed just because for so many years she would fix me lunch and then when she got sick I would take her home something to eat. 

My kids always would say that gram is never dying she is always going to be here.  My daughter who graduates in December from college says that she is not walking across the stage because my mom is not going to be there.  My son who lives out of state keeps everything bottled inside. 

The house is empty without her - she was always there. I am ok when I am at work  - I do have my meltdowns but working helps.

I just wanted some guidance as to things I could do, read, anything - just so this hole in my heart can start mending.

Terry

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    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
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Re: Loss of my mother - Gladys
« Reply #1 on: October 16, 2013, 09:37:26 PM »

((((((Kathy))))))

I'm so sorry your Momma has died. Our parents are so special and we are who we are because of them. Thanks for sharing a little of your Mom and also about how you are doing. Welcome to webhealing.

My Mom died back in '77 but my Dad just two years ago and I was Daddy's girl. It will always feel like yesterday. I miss him so much.

Try to take one day at a time and be gentle and patient with yourself. We love for so long and so deeply and our grief is the result of losing that great love. Our pain is the direct result of that love no longer being physically present. The time when we begin to come out of shock also differs from one person to another when grieving. We are all so unique in that respect. In fact, I imagine that you're all feeling as if she couldn't have died. I certainly have felt that way and with all of my losses.

There is a hole where that person used to be and no one will ever fill it. But, in time we honor them by learning to live again and find meaning, happiness and pure joy in our lives with our loved ones. We talk about them, all the time. We share stories. We plant gardens in their memory and as we gather those precious memories over the years, so will our love for them become a part of every living thing that blooms. :love9:

Please tell your daughter that her Grandma will be right there with her on that stage and she is so proud of her. I know right now it's too soon for her to realize this, her pain so fresh but she'll never walk alone.
Hugs for both your daughter and son.

Tell us more about your Mom when you're up to sharing. And, feel free to post anytime. Someone is always listening and there is a lot of support on these boards.

Sending you big hugs & lots of love, :love9:
Terry


Kathy914

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Re: Loss of my mother - Gladys
« Reply #2 on: October 17, 2013, 07:45:26 AM »
Thank you Terry for your kind words.  Even reading those brought tears to my eyes. 

My mother was a wonderful, kind, gentle lady.  She loved to iron and made the best pies ever!!! - Sadly I never did learn her recipe for the pie crusts - she never wrote it down she always just told me it was in the feel. 

At the time of my mother's illness my sisters - (one who is 6 years and one is 9 years older than me) quit speaking to me and did not come to see my mother during her last months.  I don't know why they quit talking to my mother if they had issues with me, she still was their mother.  I heard through different people that they were saying I "banned" them from seeing mom.  I would never have done that and feel hurt that is how they feel.  People say that is their way of not feeling guilty by placing the blame elsewhere.  I know I was a good daughter and did everything that I could for my mom.  I know time heals and I should forgive them, but in my heart I cannot. 

I not only lost my mother but I lost sisters.