Author Topic: 11 months and counting  (Read 4418 times)

jbryant

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11 months and counting
« on: July 05, 2013, 03:36:00 PM »
Yep been 11 months to the day and I'm not looking forward to next month but its gonna come and I will cross that bridge when I get to it. And I ain't looking forward to it but we all must cross it and hope we come out better than before. I stopped walking the mall in the morning before they open for exercise cause the woods and trails help you more and here in WA we have a lot of that, nature seems to help more than inside. I can't seem to understand why Doyle's brothers and sisters don't have anything to do with me anymore I reach out to them well y'all know the rest of this story so I will chalk it up to experience,they have their own family's and I guess that's why but I will keep sending them his art work he did while he was doing chemo and amputation of his leg and that's 7 yrs worth. They like it to so it's all good I guess.
  My doctors have done 2 months of  blood work on me and they said my Hep.C is gone and my cirrhosis in gone as well one more testing in aug and the testing is over and no more gastro docs now that's gonna be strange cause I've had hep c since 1980. To all the new people who have joined WH  I welcome you to the best place you'll find out thier on the web and a great big thank you to all my brothers and sisters here on webhealing for all of the support over the past 11 months I love you all  again many thanks and we are stronger and better than before and we will carry on cause like Billy Prestion wrote in 1969 that's the way God planed it ( you can find the tune on iTunes )  :love9:

Jean D

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Re: 11 months and counting
« Reply #1 on: July 05, 2013, 08:45:44 PM »
Hi John,

My experience of going through that first year taught me that the "countdown" leading up to the anniversary was much worse than the actual day.  I spent the day with my sister who took me out to dinner that evening. I'm at 19 months and counting. All of these "dates" don't get easier, but they get different. Just the same way our grief does. We still grieve for our loved ones, but how we feel in that grief keeps changing.  I'll say a little prayer that a month from now you will report that the day wasn't as bad as you thought it would be.

((((((((((John)))))))))


Jean

jbryant

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Re: 11 months and counting
« Reply #2 on: July 06, 2013, 08:20:49 AM »
I to am finding this out, with his birthday in June well I think you know the rest of this story,time marches on but I'm still moving along so slowly and I want to catch up with it but I don't think I ever will it took 34 years to get here and it's not gonna happen over the course of a few months or a year,I do know that time is the key to the other side of this journey. I have also learned when your a couple you have your couple friends but when one leaves you have none. Just the way it goes I guess . I'm trying to find my own place now living with my sister was fine at first and still is but I've got to learn to live alone for the first time since I was 19 now at 52 that is gonna be weird but who knows what is ahead I will learn as I go along this journey thank you Jean

stampingwidow

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Re: 11 months and counting
« Reply #3 on: July 07, 2013, 04:54:56 AM »
My experience has been that the anticipation is much worse than the actual dreaded day.  Earlier in my grief process I agonized about our special days or life changing events.  It has been two years & those days are much easier.  You do not forget but you learn how to adapt.

Wow your health has really improved!  What wonderful news!  It will free you to enjoy more of your life.  You may not be able to imagine that at this point.  You are entering a transition phase in this process.  It is not easy to develop new friends but it can be done.  Perhaps doing some volunteer work would widen our opportunities o find friends.  Pursuing a hobby or interest might do the same & will make your life richer.  It is hard to make the effort to do these things but over time it should get easier.  Grief is hard work!

MyLou

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Re: 11 months and counting
« Reply #4 on: July 07, 2013, 05:20:19 PM »
(((((((((((((((( JOHN )))))))))))))))))))


I know it's hard.  I always wonder when I will stop counting.  I think the days approaching is the hardest at times. All as anyone can do is take that day as it comes.  We all still fall but it's OK we try again.

I am happy to hear your health is approving. Great news !!!


Sending you , love , light and hope ....

Always,

Lisa
"Soulmates Forever"

I miss you every second of everyday My Love

I know I will see you again

Terry

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    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
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Re: 11 months and counting
« Reply #5 on: July 12, 2013, 05:46:13 PM »

My doctors have done 2 months of  blood work on me and they said my Hep.C is gone and my cirrhosis in gone as well one more testing in aug and the testing is over and no more gastro docs now that's gonna be strange cause I've had hep c since 1980.


That is great news, John!! I'm so happy to hear that. Thanks for letting us know.

As far as others not wanting to continue contact, well it's the way that grieving monster works. Or, doesn't work as well as it should. I have heard this shared by so many after a loved one dies. I'm sorry. (How nice of you to send his artwork)

Billy Preston...very cool....and always like his music.

Thanks for the update, John. I always love hearing from you. :icon_flower:

BIG HUG (((((((((((JOHN))))))))))

Love,
Terry


jbryant

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Re: 11 months and counting
« Reply #6 on: July 28, 2013, 08:16:42 PM »
Well I'm in Douglassville Pa at Doyle's sisters and were gonna go to NC to the cematary to say hi to Doyle and his mother and the rest of the family buried their I'm happy to be going but just feel so out of place these people love me and I'm scared to accept it,but I'm sure it's just the part of grieving that wont let us because we're just still so raw into it I'm hoping this will help me to see what I'm here for cause it still hasn't come to me yet, only to start working with hospice and help out thier with other gay couples going through this journey or headed thier and I've been down these roads it seems so many times but losing my Doyle I have to say has and will be the hardest death I've delt with because we were one as two and now I'm back to one.I've come to fine the things we think and do during this first year, are so overwhelming and your just a lost soul for the first steps of ones journey,the what ifs ??????, That's just what they are and theirs nothing we can do to avoid them.i was lucky that we did have the chance to say some of the things we wanted and needed to say but that still will not stop the human body and mind to showing you the true feeling and meaning of grief my journey thus far has been just that a journey that has no ending just when I'm gone then it will end call me ol fashion or whatever but that's just the way I'm seeing it right now to us our vows were till death do us part well I'm not dead yet but I just don't ever seeing me with another but I think helping other gay couples in their journey I can be of some service again thanks for listening and all the great advice and love y'all send my way and I'm sending it right back atcha again many thanks JohnB  :engel2:

Jean D

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Re: 11 months and counting
« Reply #7 on: July 29, 2013, 09:21:30 PM »
((((((((((((((John)))))))))))))))

Terry

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Re: 11 months and counting
« Reply #8 on: August 01, 2013, 01:59:31 PM »

I'm not dead yet but I just don't ever seeing me with another but I think helping other gay couples in their journey I can be of some service again thanks for listening and all the great advice and love y'all send my way and I'm sending it right back atcha again many thanks


John - I think it's wonderful that you'll be sharing your time along with the knowledge and compassion of your open heart with others who walk a similar path. Our hearts are for loving and yours is beautiful and I know Doyle is very proud of you for being productive during such a difficult time in your life. And, what greater gift in Doyle's honor.

Thank You for all you do.

Holding you close as Doyle's angel date fast approaches. :love9:

((((((((((John))))))))))

Love & hugs,
Terry

jbryant

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Re: 11 months and counting
« Reply #9 on: August 01, 2013, 08:12:03 PM »
Again thank you all, for the love and support yes the anticipation is the worst of it I think but it's all so blurry still trying to remember just what we were doing on this day and the memories are still so blurry but it's for a good reason I guess I will know in time. I do know you can not live 35 yrs of memories in one year but I've also come to realize that's what I've got the rest of my life for to help and to share along my road of life and death we all will encounter one day .ive come to realize my hospice training in nc with my parents deaths did help me when it came to making the right choices with Doyle's death it was the way he wanted fast and pain free and it was,I was the last image he saw before he died in my arms so very peacefully but he did endure pain till we got it under control and then it was peacefull were driving to NC in the morning we will all rejoin and meet at the cematary Sun for his day I'm trying to be strong but I know it won't be the same as last year cause many things have happened in his family's life's that has changed and that's gonna be I hope pull them all back together again we will see.
Terry and everyone else you know who you are and for those reading I'm always here for you I don't always pop in enough but I'm hoping to change that's here soon but my email address is always their for you I'm here for everyone in this great big FAMILY we have and will continue to grow  again many thanks for all the support JBS