My wife passed away suddenly 4 weeks ago from prescription overdose. I miss and think of her almost all day every day, I dont fall asleep until 3 or 4 in the morning and only sleep till 8 am. I find myself walking around the house all day long in and out, moving things around trying to pick up the house. I am scared to hear that things may get worst for me in the months to come. After I cry for a while or try to do some work or tend to her garden I come back in and feel like maybe I will make it through this, but then I read of others experience months later and how they are hit with all those feeling and then some.
We were together for nearly 23 years, she passed away 1 week before our anniversary. Did i mention when she od and I was not sure, I could have called 911 sooner than I did and she would be here today most likely, this thought crosses my mind often throughout the day, especially when I go to the kitchen where she finally collapsed. Sometimes as I drive to the store to buy food, I think of what if I just went off the road.
death no longer seems to be such a stranger to me now, in fact since i am in my 50's already, I even think sometimes come get me, I am not afraid of you anymore, in fact I don't think I care. Its ok. but i have 2 younger kids and they still need at least 1 parent and so for now i feel i need to be there for them.
I have been reading so many posts and websites over the past 2 weeks, and read so many people who have died, i was never so aware of so much death. Im afraid of other things too, like a life alone, I miss snuggling with her at night, lying by her side, talking with her about the day, the kids, what we are going to do about this or that, all i have now is to look at any empty space on the other side of my bed.