It makes me nervous to do this as I have never posted on a board before. But all the postings and replies I have read have reassured me that everyone seems so nice and concerned about others. I have read the Board's Guidelines and I certainly hope I don't offend anyone by what I say.
My son and only child took his life over 3 years ago now on February 17, 2010. I still struggle every day to find a reason to get out of bed. I know that I have been blessed with a very loving mom and dad who are both still alive and a wonderful sister and brother-in-law and their 3 boys. I also have a good man in my life who loved my son as much as he did his own children. It's just that there doesn't seem to be anything in my life left to look forward to or be joyous about. I guess I just really need some help finding some meaning somewhere. I thought maybe if I finally talked to people who had experienced the loss of someone they loved to suicide I could maybe start to heal with their help.
Headwitch.
Sorry to hear of your loss. My son died 4 yrs ago. It wasn't suicide, but it was sudden and unexpected and knocked me for a complete loop.
He was my only child, and I had been widowed when he was very young, so he was my world. I think the biggest thing I struggled with was, as you say, "finding a reason to get out of bed."
You are so right that you "need to find some meaning." Keep your eyes and ears and heart open for opportunities and see what appeals to you, to start getting back into the world. For me, eventually, it was becoming a foster parent. I have two beautiful teenage girls that have been with me almost two years now. It helps so much to see the remarkable growth and progress they have made, and know that I have helped them . . . and they have helped me.
That may not be for everyone - you'll find what is right for you. But the key for me was getting to a place where I could focus outside myself and my pain. It took time, and lots of crying and help from a professional counselor and family and friends - and I still cry and struggle.
It will never be OK, I've had to focus on learning how to accept and live with the pain rather than how to lessen the pain.
All my best wishes, and sympathies again for you loss.