Author Topic: (((Helene)))  (Read 2439 times)

Terry

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    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
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(((Helene)))
« on: April 18, 2013, 09:11:09 AM »

Helene,

How are you? I haven't heard from you in awhile and I hope that means you're busy and things are going well for you but please update us when you find the time. The last time you were on you had so much going on. Anything close to being resolved in any of those situations?

Always think of you, with love, :love4:
Terry

P.S. Miss your beautiful poetry, too!

Doug1222

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Re: (((Helene)))
« Reply #1 on: April 18, 2013, 11:23:57 AM »
Yeah, it has been a while. Let us know how it's going when you get a chance, Helene.

((((((Helene)))))))
« Last Edit: April 18, 2013, 01:43:49 PM by Doug1222 »

helene

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Re: (((Helene)))
« Reply #2 on: April 22, 2013, 07:48:46 AM »
Hi Terry and Doug and Everyone,

I feel so guilty about not being in contact with you all for so long and when I do it's all me, me, me when you all are going through so much and I'm missing people's Angel Dates and Birthday Anniversaries too, that it's difficult for me to come back here with more me, me, me.

Perhaps if I tell you a bit of my schedule you'll see why I haven't been around much and why it's more me, me, me than ever before.

I'm going to around 6 AA meetings a week, many of them on evenings after work and three on the weekends. Last night my temporary sponser spent two hours with me on top of all that to go through 'step two' even though I'm now champing to get on with the dreaded step four and five! I realize that having patience and taking time to reflect is very important. Also, I had to say NO! to an old highschool friend who is an active alcoholic who wanted to stay over night at my place and bring a mickey with her after her performance as a stand up comic in the only bar in town that allows toking as well. I didn't think it was the *right thing* for me right now.

I have two therapists. One for coping skills for living in sobriety. The other for childhood trauma and abuse. I am delving more and more in to Dissociative Identity Disorder (Multiple Personality Disorder) and how both Lesley and I had/have it. Also, the age of onset of DID is critical in zeroing in on family suspects: those who had *most access* to Lesley and I before the age of 9, as DID onset is typically between the ages of infant to age 6 and one can be an 'expert' at it by age 9 onwards. There are two people who had equal access to both Lesley and I at those ages: One: our 'mother' and two our older brother Daniel. I'm not looking for 'justice' but I do need to know - to remember - for Lesley and for me.

AS well I've joined a Grief Group (FINALLY AFTER NEARLY THREE YEARS SINCE LESLEY'S DEATH) which meets every Tuesday evening. I told the group at our first meeting last week that I didn't feel qualified as it's been nearly 3 years since Lesley died and the two facilitators and the rest of the group said that I am very qualified and to keep coming. The group runs for 6 weeks.

Last but not least, I am in a program that deals with coping with powerful emotions. I got permission from my boss (which was difficult for me to do) to take this program every Tuesday afternoon from 2:30 to 4:00 pm for 16 weeks.

Am I a glutton for punishment am I not?

I have much more I could tell you all. I think you'll see more poems from me very soon as I am taking in so much that I will eventually need to write about (and paint) these days. I have one for you today.

Thank you all for your ongoing caring and love. You are my family here at Webhealing and as long as I've got breath in me and you can stand me, I won't leave here!

Helene.


Helene & Lesley

Doug1222

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Re: (((Helene)))
« Reply #3 on: April 22, 2013, 12:06:36 PM »
Glad to hear from you, Helene! It sounds like you really are making progress. That's wonderful news. I'm happy for you.

Guess what? I just got to spend a weekend with Becky!! (Not "spend a weekend" it was as friends.) My wife was on vacation with her cousin. They go on a girl trip every spring. I usually go to Nashville during the weekend, but this year I got together with Becky. We went out singing Friday night, went and hung out at a park and talked on Saturday, and went to a concert by a friend of hers on Saturday night. It was wonderful. The most time we've spent alone together since third grade. It was nice. We had a really good time.

I'm very glad you're making positive steps. You're taking your life, and I'm proud of you.
 :icon_flower:

Terry

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Re: (((Helene)))
« Reply #4 on: April 23, 2013, 05:09:22 AM »

Also, I had to say NO! to an old highschool friend who is an active alcoholic who wanted to stay over night at my place and bring a mickey with her after her performance as a stand up comic in the only bar in town that allows toking as well. I didn't think it was the *right thing* for me right now.


Good job!!!! Way to go!!! :wav:

Stay busy. Focused. Happy!

We can't change the past. We can only make good and sound choices to shape our future. We can get so caught up in reliving our past that we miss what's right in front of us....our present and the only life we'll ever have.

SO happy to hear you are working hard on YOU and really starting to care about what your future holds. You deserve to be happy!

Thanks so much for the update. You are always in my thoughts. :love4:

Much Love,
Terry

helene

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Re: (((Helene)))
« Reply #5 on: April 25, 2013, 08:04:35 AM »
Thank you Doug, Terry and Everyone for your support and caring!

Doug, I'm glad you had a weekend visit with Becky. I hope you both had a wonderful time as you continue to renew a friendship that goes way back in both your lives. What a lovely testament to LIFE!

And Terry, thank you for your support regarding me saying NO to that active alcaholic who wanted to stay over night at my place. I felt bad about saying no, but I knew I had to do it. Not just for myself but also for my husband and our two cats.

Life is so intense for me right now, what with all these meetings, groups and two therapists. I just met with another therapist this morning and we talked about Lesley. We both agree that Lesley's death was premature and it could have been avoided had she had the proper medical care, medication and also understanding from at least one of her family members. But she had none of that for various tragic reasons and now she's gone.

My hope here is to try and put the pieces together of our lives, Lesley's and mine, to the best of my experience and knowledge and write about about my journey of recovery and tell the story of Lesley and I at the same time, (as well as the story of the rest of my family). I hope I live long enough to do this and because of this goal of mine I'm now trying to take as best care of myself as possible. No drinking and...since I don't drink I've also lost interest in cigarettes (bonus).

I WILL  write this book - filled with prose, poetry, and my paintings and photos too. Should be interesting if I can pull it off. For now, this is the year of intense therapy AND reading many medical books and memoirs of people who suffered from what Lesley and I suffer(ed) from.

Thanks for reading all of this babble!

Helene.


Helene & Lesley