Author Topic: my loss  (Read 9268 times)

MartinJ

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my loss
« on: March 02, 2013, 03:30:22 PM »
Hi my name is Martin,i just lost my wife of 25 years,she wasn't but 44 years old,I can't understand why God had to take her from me.Anybody got any suggestions on what to do,i just feel hopeless and alone all the time,I don't feel comfortable anywhere.Please help !!

Martin(hopeless & confused)

Tom

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Re: my loss
« Reply #1 on: March 02, 2013, 07:47:57 PM »
Hi Martin -  Glad to see that you were able to post. The death of a spouse is a difficult time.  How long has it been since your wife died?  What happened?  After 25 years together it must be very hard to manage.  Someone said one time that one of the worst things about the death of a spouse is that the person who knew our "story" is no longer there.  There is no one who knows us and our story like our spouse and it is very difficult to deal with that and a barrage of other aspects to the loss.

I am betting that you will be hearing from some other folks here who can offer support.  Welcome to the forums.

Tom
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MartinJ

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Re: my loss
« Reply #2 on: March 02, 2013, 08:12:45 PM »
Hi Tom,thanks for asking,well my wife and have been battling alcoholism for about 12 years,I helped her and stood by her side through 3 in patient rehabs and a couple of out-patient rehabs,Feb.11 2013 she had a bad day and binged a little more than normal and the alcohol was too much for her Liver to handle,here in Tn. legal drunk is 0.08 her Blood Alcohol level was 3.40 and she was a very small petite lady weighing only about 110 LBS.she was only 44 years old,I just feel cheated.The worst part of all was watching her lay in the I.C.U. for 6 days and the doctors telling me that she had Multi Organ Failure(Life Support-Liver Failure & Kidney Failure)and there wasn't anymore they could do for her and I had to sign to take her off the Life Support.That was the hardest thing I have ever had to face,I'm tearing up now,will talk more later.

Thanks so much for your support,MartinJ

Jean D

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Re: my loss
« Reply #3 on: March 02, 2013, 08:52:58 PM »
Martin,

I am so sorry for you loss of your sweet wife. I understand how much that hurts. i lost my husband suddenly 14 months ago just shy of 40 years of marriage. I knew him since I was 15. With the help of the kind and loving folks here on these boards, I have made it through. Your loss is so new right now. As hard as this sounds, the best thing you can do for yourself is to take care of yourself. Try to eat well, get rest and drink lots of liquids. Post when you feel like you want to..this is a great place to say the things you need to say that no one else want to hear. In the meantime, take things one day, one hour, even one minute at a time if that is what you need to do...yell if you need to yell, scream if you need to scream and cry if you need to cry.  Just know that we are all here for you.

(((((((((Martin)))))))))))

Jean

MyLou

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Re: my loss
« Reply #4 on: March 03, 2013, 07:03:18 AM »
((((( MARTIN )))))

I'm so sorry for your loss of your precious wife.

We all know your pain.  As Jean said you need to take care of you. It's one sec, min and hour at a time.  Scream , yell and cry release your pain. 

I loss My Lou , 2yrs and mths ago.  My grief will always be a part of me. 

I never thought I would see light again. I have, in the beginning it was all darkness but I made it with the help of everyone here and others. 

Some jouinal go to support groups or one on one sessions.  Give it a try it does help.

Please know we are here and we are family/friends.

Post when you can it helps.

Always

Lisa
"Soulmates Forever"

I miss you every second of everyday My Love

I know I will see you again

MartinJ

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Re: my loss
« Reply #5 on: March 03, 2013, 07:23:05 AM »
THANKS EVERYONE,I'AM SEEING A COUNSELOR I HAD MY FIRST SESSION LAST TUE. I GO AGAIN 3-11-13,HOPE TO GET A LITTLE DEEPER INTO MY LIFE WITH HER THEN.RIGHT NOW IT'S JUST DIFFERENT,I TOOK CARE OF HER FOR SO LONG AND WORKED SO HARD WITH HER TO HELP HER STOP DRINKING,NOW SHE'S NOT HERE FOR ME TO HELP,YESTERDAY I HAD TO HAVE HER CELL PHONE TURNED OFF,THAT HURT I GUESS I REALLY REALIZED THAT SHE WAS GONE,NOT LIKE WHEN SHE WENT OT REHAB SHE WOULD BE GONE FOR 30 OR SO DAYS AND THEN COME BACK.I KNOW SHE'S IN A BETTER PLACE NOW WITH NO PAIN AND NO WORRIES THAT'S WHAT GETS ME THROUGH THE DAY(GODS PLAN).

THANKS TO ALL

MARTIN

Terry

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Re: my loss
« Reply #6 on: March 03, 2013, 04:19:10 PM »

Hi my name is Martin,i just lost my wife of 25 years,she wasn't but 44 years old,I can't understand why God had to take her from me.Anybody got any suggestions on what to do,i just feel hopeless and alone all the time,I don't feel comfortable anywhere.Please help !!

Martin(hopeless & confused)


Martin, I'm so sorry to learn that your precious wife has died. We go through so many emotions after losing our spouse/soul mate and loneliness is one of them, especially in the beginning. My heart goes out to you having to watch her last days in the hospital, leaving you little by little. I know how difficult that is.

Please know we are here to support you with love and understanding. Post as often as you feel up to it. It helps. And, if you need anything at all, just post it here and someone will be glad to help you. There is a lot of understanding and compassion on these boards. Welcome to our Webhealing Family.

(((((((((Martin)))))))))

Love,
Terry

MartinJ

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Re: my loss
« Reply #7 on: March 03, 2013, 06:52:09 PM »
Thanks Terry,everyone on this sight has been so helpful & compassionate,that really helps when people are nice and understanding.The suggetions everyone have made has been a big help also,I don't feel so bad now about needing counseling,at first I wasn't going to tell anyone,but now I have told my children and some of my co-workers(I don't feel weak).

Thanks again !!!

MartinJ.

SistersinCanada

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Re: my loss
« Reply #8 on: March 04, 2013, 10:43:48 AM »
Dear Martin
I'm so very sorry for your loss.  I hope you have a loving family or a dear friend to lean on.  We all need to lean on someone at a time like this.  Don't feel weak for needing help/counselling.  You're being strong to see someone and talk and try to heal.  I know when my sister died and I got the call from the hospital it was so hard.  I was walking the few blocks to the hospital thinking, NO, NO, NO, how am I going to go through this and how am I going to live without my best friend in the whole world. It felt like a bad dream, something that happens to other people not me.  But it did happen to me and we don't have any say in the matter. 
I think you're feeling something similar.  It is so very hard but unless we face the grief it bottles up and makes things worse.
It's normal what you're going through and if you need to vent come here because we've all been through what you are going through and even though we didn't want to it happens and we understand.

So try to take care of yourself and treasure the memories of your time together.  Let us know how you're doing when you feel up to it.

Sisters

MartinJ

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Re: my loss
« Reply #9 on: March 04, 2013, 06:59:08 PM »
Thank you sisters in Canada,yesterday I had a descent day but today wasn't so good,I had to go to SSI office and to the Insurance Comp. about our home owners(had to remove her name)that really hurt,I guess it's setting in now that she's not coming back !!I had to meet with our children tonight,they wanted to help pick-out the grave marker,I just stood back and let them discuss it and pick it out it doesn't really matter to me.I hate to be so childish but "it's not fair"for anybody to hurt like we all are.I'm sorry to gripe so much,but it helps that everyone on this sight listens,Thanks so much.

Thanks Sisters

MartinJ

stampingwidow

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Re: my loss
« Reply #10 on: March 04, 2013, 08:06:29 PM »
All the things that need to be done are over wheel ing.  Just take one day at a time.  It has been 1 1/4 months.  We hope to finish this month.  I never dreamed it would take so long.  I still get phone calls from people wanting to speak to him.  Those are especially difficult for me to handle.  I am improving but some things are still difficult.  This group is helpful.  I Leo attended two grief support groups and have been seeing a counsellor for several months.  She is helpin g me a lot.hang in there.  It does get easier over time.

MartinJ

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Re: my loss
« Reply #11 on: March 05, 2013, 02:39:23 PM »
Thanks for your comforting post stampingwidow,I'm very sorry about your loss,I dred the day someone calls for my wife or someone drops by to see her,that will be hard.I'm still looking for a Grief Support Group here in my small town,I'am seeing a counselor now though,if you ever need to talk,I'm here.

Thanks
MartinJ

Jean D

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Re: my loss
« Reply #12 on: March 05, 2013, 08:22:12 PM »
I attend a grief support group and find it helpful, I hope you find one and it is the same for you. After almost 15 months I still have not picked out a marker and I think that was very brave of you and your family to tackle.  You are right, the hurt isn't fair. It never really goes away BUT it changes and becomes more tolerable as time goes on. I know that doesnt seem possible right now, but trust that it does get better.

Jean

MartinJ

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Re: my loss
« Reply #13 on: March 05, 2013, 08:35:19 PM »
Thanks Jean D,for the support,i just posted a comment to someone else about how supportive everyone on this sight is with ideas and prayers,I'm having good days-descent days & bad days,from what I've been reading and what my counselor says that's pretty normal,like I told my friend at work the days get long but the nights are even longer,but I'm trying to think positive and tell myself "I'M GOING TO GET THROUGH THIS THAT'S WHAT MY WIFE WOULD HAVE WANTED"!!!!!!!!!

Thanks again

MartinJ

jbryant

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Re: my loss
« Reply #14 on: March 07, 2013, 01:00:37 PM »
Hi Martin I can only back up what everyone else has already said to you this will be the hardest endurnce in your life I lost my partner of 35 yrs in aug 2012 to all the same symptions he had cancer and and it was more advanced than first discoverd and he went very fast please do take the time to breathe cause we tend not to and to shallow like Lisa said one sec one baby step and one day at a time.this journey your on will take time as Iam finding out myself remember your tears are healing you as well so cry all you, want we are here to help you walk your journey it's been a big help for me the people here are great open and honest so welcome to Webhealing  glad  to have you here John :engel2: