I picked up Judy Collins' book (
Judy Collins - Sweet Judy Blue Eyes - My Life in Music) at the library because it was sitting out on display - it was was a very random choice; I was waiting on my foster daughters and just trying to stay occupied.
Anyhow, it was pretty interesting, so I took it out and brought it home. She wrote about her life, including her son and only child, Clark, who, as a teenager, developed drug and alcohol problems. However, he gets sober and married and has a child and seems to be doing well.
I was cluelessly reading along, and got stunned when she tells of her son's death in 1992 (suicide, shortly after relapsing and staring to drink again). It made me cry, but it also made me feel less alone, and I wanted to share a part of what she wrote - she herself is an alcoholic, though she hasn't had a drink since 1978 - she is writing about coming across a note he wrote her:
I wept when I found this letter again many years after he had sent it, many years after his death - a letter from the grave. Like the touch of his hand, like the dreams I have of him that have come in startling numbers over the years since, they reassure me that I am not separated from him in any but a physical manner. He is here in his daughter's beautiful bright eyes, in how his name comes up often in the world, in the memory of his sweet soul. I will never be apart from him.
When Clark died, I dug myself out of the pit of despair again, Louis by my side all the way. Each day I chose not to drink. And I chose not to take my own life.
I must make these choices anew every day, one day at a time, and on many days it remains the only thing I do that feels right. I find great comfort in talking to other suicide survivors - great peace, in fact, in telling them that there is a gift in every loss and that they can survive. I tell them my story, and tell them what I do, and hope that it helps. That way I can keep Clark's legacy alive, and keep my own heart busy so that it will not break, though the breaking heart can be a healing heart as well.
When my son died, I began to understand what heartbreak really was. It turned out I hadn't had a clue.Here is a song she wrote about dealing with his death:
And another:
Topic: Judy Collins (Read 2241 times)
