Author Topic: My New Year  (Read 3777 times)

Jean D

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My New Year
« on: January 02, 2013, 07:56:25 PM »
I started this out as a reply to another post, but realized it really needed to be it's own post.  I am coming up on one year and one month...I still cry, I still yell, and I miss him more than life itself and all the holidays just sort of happened around me even though I spent them all with family and hosted both Christmas and New Years Eve. I just did not have the same joy. Yet, I cry less and I yell less and there is a sort of calmness that has come over me that I do not totally understand. I think it may be that I have actually grown over the past year. I discovered that at 60 I can be an independent woman. I met Ben when I was a teenager and moved from my fathers home to our home...I never ever was on my own. Ever! It has taken much reflection, grief groups and prayer to discover this self realization. It does not mean I miss him any less, I am just forever changed. There is an emptiness and a loneliness that I don't think that will ever go away, but (and I don't even believe I am saying this) I'm excited to see what the new year will bring to me...I think it is time for good things to happen!!

Jean

mshaynes

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Re: My New Year
« Reply #1 on: January 03, 2013, 01:10:51 AM »
What a great attitude and sense of purpose and wonder! I, too, am learning you can be sad and lonely and still hope to run into something fun and new around the next corner. I'm praying for good things for you, Jean.
May she gaze upon you, Lord, face to face, and taste the blessedness of perfect rest. May angels surround her, and saints welcome her in peace. Let us also pray for all who mourn, that they may cast their care on God, and know the consolation of his love.

Terry

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Re: My New Year
« Reply #2 on: January 03, 2013, 06:51:42 AM »

That's beautiful, Jean! Acceptance is such a huge leap and you're living the results of that along with the very hard work you have been doing. What a reward, for sure!

Hoping for wonderful new beginnings for you in the new Year! :love4:

Love,
Terry

stampingwidow

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Re: My New Year
« Reply #3 on: January 03, 2013, 08:20:32 AM »
Jean, congratulations on your growth!  You worded this so perfectly?  This year has been an opportunity for growth.  We are living in a similar time frame.  Robert died Dec. 10, 2011.  Christmas was fine.  I cried a little, missed him a lot but all in all it went better than predicted.  I too did not feel the joy of the past.  My problem is now that it is over & everyone thinks I am fine, I am not fine.  I seem to be frozen in time, accomplishing very little.  I am not particularly sad, just numb.  I think it is part grief and part seasonal depression, which has plagued me in the past.  Some how I must get out of this rut.  Glad you are doing so well!  You are an inspiration!

Jean D

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Re: My New Year
« Reply #4 on: January 03, 2013, 02:16:49 PM »
Mark, You are in my prayers too.
Terry, Thanks for the kind words.
Stamping Widow,  You are right we are similar in our time frame, Ben passed Dec. 8, 2011 and you are right about something else, everyone thinks I am fine and a lot of the time I am not. I know in my heart that I am going to change that this year. Someone recently said to me that I was the strongest person they knew and I almost took off their head and told them no I am not...this is just a facade. I realized how much of a rut I have been in when everyone was here at the house and so much of the same stuff that was in the house and in the way, was still here!!  You put it well when you said you are frozen in time, accomplishing very little...That is so the 2012 me...

But I feel none of this matters and for 2013, it is in the past. Good things going forward. For all of us!!!
Jean

Jean D

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Re: My New Year
« Reply #5 on: January 03, 2013, 02:21:15 PM »
Oh, and I expect the roller coaster to go down the hill as well as up, I know that setbacks are part of this journey...I will handle it as it hits me...

jbryant

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Re: My New Year
« Reply #6 on: January 13, 2013, 08:10:54 AM »
(((((((((((((((JEAN))))))))))))))) well said riding the same coaster and still frozen in time but I can see thru the forest just as you thank you it's all about time but the missing will never change this Ive came to accept John

MyLou

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Re: My New Year
« Reply #7 on: January 19, 2013, 04:18:41 AM »
(((((((((((( JEAN ))))))))))))

Sorry I thought I had replied to your post.

You are right we are forever changed.  :tearyeyed:

I am wishing nothing but good things to happen for you in 2013 and going forward.  I am looking towards a better year too. 


Always,

Lisa
"Soulmates Forever"

I miss you every second of everyday My Love

I know I will see you again

johnkmurray

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Re: My New Year
« Reply #8 on: January 19, 2013, 10:26:52 PM »
((((Jean))))

It certainly sounds like 2013 is starting off well for you. I'm hoping that 2013 brings good things for all of us. Mine is looking better so far though I'm cautiously optimistic.

John

sonya

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Re: My New Year
« Reply #9 on: January 26, 2013, 08:32:57 AM »
((((((((Jean))))))))))

Love it! We all deserve some optimism and  you wrote such a beautiful description of the learning that has come through this journey. I too am feeling cautiously optimistic about this year.

Son xxx
Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy