Author Topic: I really WANT to get better  (Read 2623 times)

mshaynes

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I really WANT to get better
« on: January 02, 2013, 02:47:09 PM »
I'm closing in on a year since Eden died. Initially, I thought it would get better with time. But I've learned that what I've read here and elsewhere is true. It does not get better. It just gets different.

And God how I wish it would get better. I've grieved silently and out loud. I've grieved alone and with friends and with family and with strangers. I've shared my grief and hidden my grief. I've wiped my tears and let them flow. I've prayed and I've cussed. I've slept late and stayed up all night. I've shopped, cooked, eaten, and journaled and video gamed and watched movies and read and sat in the corner all alone and warmed more pews than I can count.

And you know what? Nothing works.

I miss her. I love her. I'll never get better. I will always hurt.

So, happy friggin' new year. Maybe, just maybe, this one will suck just a little less. At least I won't have to watch her die... Well, that's not true. I'm still replaying that over and over in my head... Criminy!

Praying for peace of mind and spirit...

(psst... I come here when it hurts... I should come and share my good moments, too)
May she gaze upon you, Lord, face to face, and taste the blessedness of perfect rest. May angels surround her, and saints welcome her in peace. Let us also pray for all who mourn, that they may cast their care on God, and know the consolation of his love.

Terry

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Re: I really WANT to get better
« Reply #1 on: January 02, 2013, 02:50:50 PM »

((((((((Mark))))))))

Love & Understanding,
Terry























 <a href=http://download.cnet.com/YouTube-To-MP3/3000-2071_4-75810474.html >youtube to mp3</a>

MyLou

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Re: I really WANT to get better
« Reply #2 on: January 02, 2013, 06:37:26 PM »
(((((( MARK ))))))


I so understand and the first year for me the tears just would flow and flow.  Year two was different still pain and tears but some days were softer. Year two I think our eyes are more open.

I think we will always hurt. Also we will miss them with all our heart and soul.  They are our soulmates.

I know it is hard but try not to replay it all back. It will just eat you up.  I've done it and if I bring my thoughts back there it's very dark and scary. I try to snap out of it real quick.  They don't want us to remember them like that.

You should post your happy days with your grandson, etc.

Sending you peace, hope , faith and love.

Always

Lisa
« Last Edit: January 02, 2013, 06:39:59 PM by MyLou »
"Soulmates Forever"

I miss you every second of everyday My Love

I know I will see you again

roseygirl61

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Re: I really WANT to get better
« Reply #3 on: January 02, 2013, 07:09:30 PM »
Mark,

Thinking of you and hoping you find some peace and calmsoon. It really is the hardest journey we will ever be on....the lonliness and heartache never truly go away, but I think for most in time you just deal with it in a different way, I am still numb some days and it has been one year and 7 months,

Rose

johnkmurray

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Re: I really WANT to get better
« Reply #4 on: January 02, 2013, 07:39:53 PM »
So, happy friggin' new year. Maybe, just maybe, this one will suck just a little less. At least I won't have to watch her die... Well, that's not true. I'm still replaying that over and over in my head... Criminy!

Praying for peace of mind and spirit...

(psst... I come here when it hurts... I should come and share my good moments, too)

Mark,

Share good moments ... or those not-so-good ones we all know only too well, but come here to share. You're among friends, family here.

Lisa is right - in time the pain will lessen, the bad days less severe and less frequent.

John

mshaynes

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Re: I really WANT to get better
« Reply #5 on: January 03, 2013, 01:05:11 AM »
Thanks Terry, Lisa, Rose, John. You made me remember why I used to spend time here. This place - no, you people - offer understanding and acceptance impossible to find outside of a support group. Sometimes you need to vent and know that someone else gets it, and can share your burden.

We have all said a lot about how special our spouses were. But you know what? Our spouses had some some pretty special spouses, too - You!
May she gaze upon you, Lord, face to face, and taste the blessedness of perfect rest. May angels surround her, and saints welcome her in peace. Let us also pray for all who mourn, that they may cast their care on God, and know the consolation of his love.

browneyedgirl

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Re: I really WANT to get better
« Reply #6 on: January 03, 2013, 10:13:45 AM »
((((Mark)))))

Hang in there.
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

Jean D

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Re: I really WANT to get better
« Reply #7 on: January 03, 2013, 02:17:57 PM »
((((((((((Mark))))))))))))))))