Author Topic: lost my wife she was only 23  (Read 6320 times)

ankitM1988

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lost my wife she was only 23
« on: January 01, 2013, 04:18:11 AM »
I lost my wife Jayshree in a bus accident when we were both going for a holiday. It was 4 in the morning on 20th november and i was sitting beside her. The bus flipped i dont know what happened but she was sitting near the window to the left. we were both asleep. I lifted up her head but she was bleeding from nose, ear and head. Some people came and broke the glass from outside and we pulled her out of the bus. Her eyes were closed but she was sometimes moving her hand and legs i think because of pain.She was not able to breathe properly. After 15-20 minutes the ambulance arrived and i took her to the hospital. She was instantly put on ventilator to breathe. After few minutes a CT scan was performed and the doctor said that she has a severe head injury and they do not have any neuro surgeon to perform any operation. They said that you'll have to take her to a better hospital in Mumbai which was ~300 km away from that place and they did not even had an ambulance which has artificial life support in it. So i called up an agent who supplied this ambulance but it was again a 100km away from that place. At 10:30 am this ambulance arrived and we took Jayshree and we left from there. We reached Mumbai at around 4 pm in the evening. Our parents were waiting there in a hospital so they took her in. The doctor said after checkup that we'll have to perform a surgery and they did. They removed some part of the skull so that the brain can swell. And the doctor said after surgery we will keep her in sedation for 48 hours and after that if she responds that will be a good sign but there was no response even after 72 hours. We showed the ct scan results to other big doctors in the city but they all said that the reports say that she is brain dead. The doctor who performed the surgery said there are very remote possibility that she'll survive only a miracle can help. She was on life support for 10 days and on 1st of december 2012 her heart stopped beating just before 2 days of her birthday which was 3rd december

She was only 23 and we got married last year.We were in a relationship for 4 years and she was everything for me. I dont know what to do I tried going to work but i was not able to work. Every single second i just think of her.Everyday I cry and i am not able to accept the fact that she is not with me anymore.I cannot find any meaning in this life.She was very caring and loved me a lot.I have no idea about how will i carry on with this life.Every morning I wake up and she is not beside me. How Jayshree how...Many times i get this feeling of ending my life so that i can be with her wherever she is.Oh i miss her so badly that i cant even describe. I am feeling so alone and empty even if there are people around me.Every night I dream of the incident which happened that night.Whenever I see other friends with there wives i bust into tears and feel so uncomfortable around them.I dont feel like eating drinking or anything.


I miss you a lot JAYSHREE..

your Ankit
i know deep in my heart that we'll meet again and share our love
yours
Ankit

Jean D

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Re: lost my wife she was only 23
« Reply #1 on: January 01, 2013, 09:07:14 AM »
Dean Ankit, I am sorry for the loss of your dear wife Jayshree. It is so difficult to lose a loved one whether it be a 4 year relationship or 40, but we all here have been where you are now and we are here for you. It is so important at this time to take very good care of yourself. I know it is hard to eat, sleep and just breathe, but do what you can. Little baby steps as others will most likely tell you. Eat when you can, be sure to drink lots of fluids and try you best to get rest. There are few words that can comfort if any, but know we here care very much. Write here when you want to or need to...some also find it helpful to keep a journal to write down their feelings.

((((((((((Ankit)))))))))))

Jean

ankitM1988

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Re: lost my wife she was only 23
« Reply #2 on: January 01, 2013, 09:36:27 AM »
thankyou Jean, its nice to know that there are people who actually understand what i am feeling rather than just telling me to be strong. I hate that word BE STRONG.
i know deep in my heart that we'll meet again and share our love
yours
Ankit

ankitM1988

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Re: lost my wife she was only 23
« Reply #3 on: January 01, 2013, 10:02:13 AM »


i miss you Jay
i know deep in my heart that we'll meet again and share our love
yours
Ankit

stampingwidow

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Re: lost my wife she was only 23
« Reply #4 on: January 01, 2013, 10:06:57 AM »
I too hate the words "be strong" or being told that I am a strong person & will survive the loss of my husband.  At the time of my loss, I felt weak not strong.  It has been a year and I feel stronger  but I am still not really strong.  Like Jean said, try to take care of your self.  You will need all the strength to deal with all the problems you will be facing.  Later when you are able to deal with it, try going to a grief support group, if there is one available.  It was helpful to me to discuss problems with people who were undergoing similar problems & understood  my feelings.  The groups I attended each had a discussion leader that was trained to help us.  One of the leaders told us that if we were having trouble sleeping, to stay in bed so our bodies got some rest even if our minds would not let us sleep.  The group here is very supportive.  Sometimes just reading the posts here helps.  Do not hesitate to post messages.  This is where people will understand.

MyLou

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Re: lost my wife she was only 23
« Reply #5 on: January 01, 2013, 11:37:21 AM »
(((((( ANKIT ))))))


I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful Jay.  People don't know what to say and they think they are saying the right thing.  " Be strong " yeah right !!!!

This is a nightmare and you just want to wake up.  Taking your life ?  I've been there and it's not the right answer.  We all know you feel all alone in this big world.  We are here for you.  

Take one sec, minute, hour, day at a time.  Jean said it you need to take of you, rest , drink.  If you can't eat which we all understand.  Maybe just snack.

I started to journal writing my feelings down and posting. Some go to grief groups.   Scream, yell , cry get it out.  

We understand ever pain, tear, angry you are feeling.  

It's been 2 yrs and 1 mth for me.  I still have my really bad days.  This is a hard journey. It does get softer in time but not right away.

Welcome to our family we care and know your pain.

Always,

Lisa
« Last Edit: January 01, 2013, 11:42:12 AM by MyLou »
"Soulmates Forever"

I miss you every second of everyday My Love

I know I will see you again

Zylen

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Re: lost my wife she was only 23
« Reply #6 on: January 01, 2013, 12:50:41 PM »
(((((Ankit))))))))

So sorry for your loss and so sorry you have to be here, but you have found a great group of people here who truly do understand what you are going through.

I lost my soul-mate June 15 2011 immediately after what was supposed to be a routine operation. Like you, she was my everything...best friend, soul-mate, wife, everything, and like you I will never be able to describe the feeling of missing her and this feeling of why bother.

I couldn't eat right and sleep right for weeks, and I actually lost more than 20 pounds at the beginning. I even called in to work being so tired from so little sleep. Luckily my boss was very understanding and supportive.

This will probably be the hardest thing you will ever do. I know it is for me.

The best advice I've received here is to take it one moment, day at a time. Just do what you can with what you have and know, and don't think you have to do it all right now.

Friends and family mean well with their advice, but no one will really understand unless they go through this too. I was one of those who didn't know what to say, and I still don't, and I really didn't understand it at all until it happened to me.

((((((((((((Ankit))))))))))))))

ankitM1988

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Re: lost my wife she was only 23
« Reply #7 on: January 01, 2013, 01:15:54 PM »
thank you Lisa and thank you Zylen for all the support. I really want to hug you guys and cry..
i know deep in my heart that we'll meet again and share our love
yours
Ankit

johnkmurray

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Re: lost my wife she was only 23
« Reply #8 on: January 01, 2013, 01:31:45 PM »
(((Ankit)))

Remember to eat. Sleep. Breathe. I know it probably doesn't feel like you can manage that right now but take it one day, one hour, or one minute at a time. You're not alone - even though it probably feels that way to you. We're here for you. We've been through similar losses and are still working our way through our grief. Feel free to share thoughts, rant, scream, cry, reminisce ... whatever.

John

Doug1222

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Re: lost my wife she was only 23
« Reply #9 on: January 01, 2013, 08:40:49 PM »
Ankit, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your Jayshree. I've never lost a spouse, so I won't even try to say I know anything to help. 

We're all here to listen, though.

Doug

browneyedgirl

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Re: lost my wife she was only 23
« Reply #10 on: January 02, 2013, 09:38:21 AM »
Dear Ankit - I am so very sorry for the loss of Jayshree.  As you can see, you have come to the right place, we are all here for you.  Post as often as you like, about however you're feeling, chances are that one of us has felt the same way. 

One day at a time.  :engel2:
Tony Repola 07/20/66 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

ankitM1988

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Re: lost my wife she was only 23
« Reply #11 on: January 02, 2013, 11:19:42 AM »
what do you guys mean when you say One Day At A Time?
i know deep in my heart that we'll meet again and share our love
yours
Ankit

Doug1222

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Re: lost my wife she was only 23
« Reply #12 on: January 02, 2013, 11:35:57 AM »
Don't worry about the distant future, Ankit. It's too overwhelming. Just do what you have to do to get through now.

Just worry about getting through today...or the next hour...or the next minute.

In many ways, grief is a lot like addiction.

MyLou

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Re: lost my wife she was only 23
« Reply #13 on: January 02, 2013, 11:47:22 AM »
Ankit,


This journey is very hard. It just means take a second, minute , hour at a time to get through the day.

Sending you , peace, hope , faith, love and hugs

Always,

Lisa
"Soulmates Forever"

I miss you every second of everyday My Love

I know I will see you again

browneyedgirl

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Re: lost my wife she was only 23
« Reply #14 on: January 02, 2013, 12:25:36 PM »
You may expect yourself to be better shortly - but it doesn't happen like that...you have to take each day as it comes, there will be good and bad days. 
Tony Repola 07/20/66 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven