Author Topic: Alone and sad  (Read 2831 times)

martyjc1

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Alone and sad
« on: November 24, 2012, 02:55:04 PM »
My wife Pam passed away just over a month ago. We were married 9Yrs. In the beginning things were magic for me. I had never been in a relationship. I met Pam and was ready to put all my fears aside and start a life long relationship. I was in love and I knew she loved me.

After 3yrs of dating we decided to get married. Everything was great, our love grew. After 3 years of marriage she had an affair. This was devastating for me. Why, what did I do wrong? We're my fears and thoughts about women in general coming true? It seemed so but my love for Pam was strong and I fought for her. This affair finally ended after 2 years. It left a deep scar on my soul. I wanted to move forward and we did.
Things got better but I did have a problem with everything but my love and the thought that I wanted to make a life together kept me going. Pam started to drink more and more. She always drank but now it was consuming her. She quit her job of 18 years and stayed home. For 2 years we were in and out of rehab. I say we because she was not alone going through this. I spent most of my savings. Nothing seemed to work and I guess I gave in. I was tired of fighting.
I feel like I gave up on Pam. She was not trying to get better and I wanted to have some sort of a normal relationship. So I was the enabler.
This last September she got so bad I tried everything to get her to seek help she fought me all the way.
On the 26th of September I convinced her to go to the hospital. After 11 days and the doctor saying he can't believe she is alive because her liver was so damaged we were allowed to go home.

After 2 weeks of Caring for her and watching her in pain we got the test results. The doctor said her organs are shutting down and she has less than a week to live.
I loved her so much she was a good person. She loved people and animals she just did not love herself.
I can't believe how fast it happened. I don't know where I'm at now or where my future is. If it wasn't for my dog and cat I would most likely give up, but they need me and I love them so much.

I needed to get this off my chest. I know a lot of you have dealt with much more than me. I sorry for all your losses. Thanks for this website. I really needed to vent. Marty

Marty Creguer

MyLou

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Re: Alone and sad
« Reply #1 on: November 24, 2012, 03:54:53 PM »
((((((((((((((( MARTY )))))))))))))))))

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful Pam.  I wish you didn't have to be here like any of us.  Welcome to Our Family here.

I am sorry everything you have been through. It shows the love you had/have for Pam.  Love never dies !!!!

This is a hard journey. Just take one sec, min, hr, day at a time.  It's baby steps.  You need to take of you now.  It's hard at times as we all know. 

I am not sure if you belong to a grief group they are out there.  You would have to check in your area.  Journaling also helps some it works for me.

Yell, scream , cry get it out it helps.

Please post as often as you need.  We are all here for you.

Always,

Lisa
"Soulmates Forever"

I miss you every second of everyday My Love

I know I will see you again

browneyedgirl

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Re: Alone and sad
« Reply #2 on: November 24, 2012, 03:55:52 PM »
Dear Marty - I am so very sorry for the loss of your Pam.  You have come to the right place there are many people here who understand you pain. You will see as they come forward to greet you.  One day at a time, OK ? We are all here for you.  
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

Terry

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    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
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Re: Alone and sad
« Reply #3 on: November 24, 2012, 04:44:36 PM »

((((Marty))))

I'm so sorry for your great loss. It sounds like you did everything you could to help Pam, standing by her and with her in her darkest hours. Sometimes we just can't make everything better, especially for those we love the most and are the closest to. It takes more than one person in a relationship to work things out and your precious Pam had her demons to fight and addiction is very powerful. Please try to be gentle with you. You seem to be very loving and caring.

I'm glad you have your pets. They are such a comfort. I would be lost, too without my furry friends.

Tell us more about Pam and yourself when you're comfortable doing so and know we are all here for you.

Sending you hugs, love and understanding,
Terry

angie

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Re: Alone and sad
« Reply #4 on: November 24, 2012, 04:49:32 PM »
((((((((((( MARTY))))))))))))))

I am sorry for your loss xx

There are plenty people here to help you.We are like a family.The path you are on is not a good place to be but we are all here for you.You are not alone.
In the early days you must try real hard to take care of YOU easier said than done but please try.
Like lisa said one sec min hour at a time.Journalling helped me too.Just writing the shit down that is in your head really helps.Please come back and post soon.Feel free to scream shout vent n rant noone on here will judge you .Try to sleep or at least rest and post if you are upto it.It truly helps to know others are in the same boat.

HUGEST HUGS
Love
Angie
XXXXX

martyjc1

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Re: Alone and sad
« Reply #5 on: November 26, 2012, 05:07:31 PM »
Thank you for your support. I needed to express my feelings somewhere, every time I think or talk about Pam being gone it brings tears. It's much easier when I'm working but when I get home it's hard to deal with.  I've always been a giver and now it seems I'm a needer. This, I'm not use to. Forgive me,maybe down the road I can be a giver again.

There's a emptiness that is so hard to deal with. I worry that my Pam is not in a good place. I know she had a good heart but was it enough? I was brought up with faith but have faltered over the years. I believe but is that enough, I think not. I need to do and be more. It's very difficult.

I'm alone now and don't see a future. I feel like a balloon floating in the sky waiting to run out of air. I don't mean to bring anyone down this is just the way I feel. I'm a person that needs to love someone and make them happy in understanding and compassion. That is gone now you see and there's nothing left but loneliness.
Thanks for this site and you fine people for listening to me. I wish all of you the best and hope you can find peace.
Marty Creguer

jbryant

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Re: Alone and sad
« Reply #6 on: November 26, 2012, 07:38:50 PM »
((((((((Marty))))))))))) A big hello and welcome am sorry we all have to meet this way but its good cause we all have the pain and need to heal and this is a great start Im so saddened for your loss it's a hard blow even tho we know it's comming. were all here for you John Bryant

Jean D

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Re: Alone and sad
« Reply #7 on: November 26, 2012, 08:57:33 PM »
((((((((((Marty)))))))))))

I am so sorry for your loss. This site has helped me so much through this terrible journey of grief. The people here are so loving, caring and supportive. We pick each other up when we are down. As other have said, try to take care of yourself right now...try to eat well, and get some rest. Get your feelings out. Some found journaling helpful. I always found writing here to help me. What often helped me was yelling and screaming at the top of my lungs where no one else could hear. You will find what helps you and we are always here to listen.

Hugs
Jean

hixguy

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Re: Alone and sad
« Reply #8 on: November 28, 2012, 11:48:53 AM »
Sorry to hear of your loss and the terrible burden you must now carry.  It is not easy for anyone to lose the love of their life.  Until it happens , we have no idea how painful it is.  Many people consider suicide to stop the pain, but that doesnt change anything either.  I have learned after the past 14 months that my grief will be with me forever because the Best Friend that I ever had is now gone, and I am all alone in this tough world.  We all have a feeling to being empty now, someone important is no longer here.  Wish there was a magic solution for everyone, but I have read dozens of books on how to deal with grief,  and I have found nothing which makes me feel less pain.  I have become numb which allows me to continue on, but we will always miss them, and why wouldnt we.
Hope you can connect with someone in your community who also is dealing with the same grief because at least you could talk to someone who understands.  I think it does help to talk about it.
Bye for now.  Andy

sonya

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Re: Alone and sad
« Reply #9 on: November 30, 2012, 12:24:48 AM »
((((((((((Marty))))))))))

I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious Pam.
I understand what it is like to love someone who is an addict, and though of course our situations are not the same, I do have very similar experiences I am sure.
Grief is so bloody hard and it is very early days for you.
Know that you are welcome here. Write and talk as much as you need to. Please dont worry about bringing anyone down! This forum has helped me so very much on this journey. I am still a work in progress but I am getting there, and I know that you will too. Just take your time and be gentle on yourself.
Take good care,

Sonya
Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy

browneyedgirl

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Re: Alone and sad
« Reply #10 on: November 30, 2012, 08:37:37 AM »
Marty - wondering how you're doing.  Please post if you like.
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

martyjc1

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Re: Alone and sad
« Reply #11 on: November 30, 2012, 05:21:24 PM »
Thank you for asking. Frankly I don't know what to do with myself. There's a void without Pam but things keep going on. I'm kind of just going along. My friends kinda understand but they really don't. I should do this and that but I just want to be left alone. I keep telling myself you'll figure it out but? I don't know.
I'm alone and that is hard to deal with. Where do I go from here? I'm just tired and lonely. I wasn't supposed to be like this.

Thanks for listening, Marty
Marty Creguer

SistersinCanada

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Re: Alone and sad
« Reply #12 on: November 30, 2012, 05:51:17 PM »
Hi Marty

I'm so very sorry you lost Pam.  I know the pain is so very hard.  We understand because we are going through it too.
The pain never goes away but it does lessen with time.  Take care of yourself, try to eat and get rest.  I know I
couldn't sleep after my sister died.  I didn't want to take something but I did and eventually
I didn't need to.  So be good to yourself.  I'm so glad you have your furry friends.  They're just like family.
I have 3 cats and they crawl into my lap and it helps me feel their unconditional love.  I journalled alot and cried
when I was driving back and forth to work.  Just let the tears flow and keep in touch here, we feel the same way
and we hope we can help you through this journey that no one wants to travel.

Sisters

johnkmurray

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Re: Alone and sad
« Reply #13 on: December 02, 2012, 09:25:08 AM »
(((Marty)))

Welcome to Webhealing. Don't try to figure all this out right now. You're still very new to this journey into grief and probably still feel like you've been sucker-punched by life. I feel for you, brother, as I lost my wife of 17 yrs almost 3 yrs ago to cancer. Take things one day at a time. If that is too hard, try one hour at a time ... or one minute. Yes, you've embarked on a long and potentially painfull journey, but I have two bits of good news for you.
1. It really does get better with time. Hang in there.
2. You have come to a place where people know your pain, have "been there, done that, got the crappy t-shirt", and will do all we can to support you and help you on your journey.

John