Author Topic: lonely  (Read 4840 times)

sonya

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lonely
« on: November 22, 2012, 07:33:05 AM »
I really miss Tone. I miss so many little things.
But I feel lonely and want love back in my life again.
I feel conflicted
Like I am saying to the world that I want to replace him, and of course I can never do that....But I think I am a good person, and I choose life. I want to experience that amazing feeling of loving and being loved and in love again. I want a family.
And I wonder how I can do that. How can I love Tone and whole-heartedly love another?
Would it be fair on the other person. The lingering love?
Is it something that we all have to accept as we age and find new partners...That beyond a certain age there was the other love..The wife lost through divorce, the boyfriend who didnt feel the same way: do these loves leave that same imprint? The indelible stain, tattoos on the heart?
It sounds like I am looking for someone willing to compromise, when I am not. I dont want a second best, I want a second love. I want to be swept away and head over heels. I want that bliss and small annoyances and the daily routine.
Maybe I am getting ready to live and love again. Maybe its time.....
Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy

browneyedgirl

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Re: lonely
« Reply #1 on: November 22, 2012, 09:39:34 AM »
Sonya - if I have learned one things about this crazy feeling love....it's that sometimes it comes when you least expect it.  I believe that there will be someone put in your path way, when you're ready - even though you may not know it.  That is what happened to me....I wasn't even looking for Jose, and then all of a sudden there he was, in the form of a good friend first.  You're post was really beautiful.  I hope  some that have shared here before about loving again, will come and post, perhaps update us on it....maybe that will help.

((((((((((((Sonya)))))))))))))
« Last Edit: November 26, 2012, 03:46:45 PM by browneyedgirl »
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

jbryant

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Re: lonely
« Reply #2 on: November 22, 2012, 02:14:28 PM »
nicey said

Jean D

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Re: lonely
« Reply #3 on: November 22, 2012, 09:22:45 PM »
((((((((((Sonya)))))))))

I'm sure your heart will let you know when it is right. You and those who have come before...that have found a friend, a relationship, love...give me such hope that this journey we are on is ever changing and at some point, at some time, the journey begins to lead us down a different path to a new life.

Jean

MyLou

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Re: lonely
« Reply #4 on: November 23, 2012, 02:58:26 AM »
(((((((((((((( SONYA )))))))))))))))))


I truly believe what Pam and Jean said.

When the time is right you will know.  If you are ready to love and live again you need to do it.

Why can't you have a second chance at LOVE, of course you can sweetie 


Always,

Lisa
« Last Edit: November 23, 2012, 03:18:15 AM by MyLou »
"Soulmates Forever"

I miss you every second of everyday My Love

I know I will see you again

angie

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Re: lonely
« Reply #5 on: November 24, 2012, 04:23:34 PM »
((((((((((((((( SONYA ))))))))))))))))

Your post is beautiful n like Lisa said u have a right to a second chance of love..Everyone of us has a right to find peace and happiness again in whatever form it takes.
I truly understand the conflict in your head.You love Tone but you can and hopefully will find someone new to love as well.No one should ever spend their life alone..Tone would want you to be happy.He would want you to have a life once more.
I still love Davie and i miss him everyday but I also love Pinder.I wouldnt be without him.He makes me feel alive again.I have sometimes wondered if i love Pinder then i cant love Davie and vice versa but i amnt gonna beat myself up about it anymore.Sometimes  we can over think things and thats not good.
All i know is i had 20 happy years with Davie but he is gone now and i am looking forward to another 20 happy  years with Pinder.
Life constantly changes and we just have to go with the flow.Change can be good too.
I hope you find YOUR happiness one day i hope you live again you owe it to yourself
I cant use words as well as you can but i hope u get what i am trying to say

HUGE HUGS
Love
Angie
XXXXXX

Terry

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Re: lonely
« Reply #6 on: November 24, 2012, 04:46:36 PM »
I really miss Tone. I miss so many little things.
But I feel lonely and want love back in my life again.
I feel conflicted
Like I am saying to the world that I want to replace him, and of course I can never do that....But I think I am a good person, and I choose life. I want to experience that amazing feeling of loving and being loved and in love again. I want a family.
And I wonder how I can do that. How can I love Tone and whole-heartedly love another?
Would it be fair on the other person. The lingering love?
Is it something that we all have to accept as we age and find new partners...That beyond a certain age there was the other love..The wife lost through divorce, the boyfriend who didnt feel the same way: do these loves leave that same imprint? The indelible stain, tattoos on the heart?
It sounds like I am looking for someone willing to compromise, when I am not. I dont want a second best, I want a second love. I want to be swept away and head over heels. I want that bliss and small annoyances and the daily routine.
Maybe I am getting ready to live and love again. Maybe its time.....

Your heart is open, Son....that's the first step! The first step to wanting to live and love again!

(((((((Son)))))))

rayinsc

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Re: lonely
« Reply #7 on: November 24, 2012, 10:45:47 PM »
Sonya,
You can never replace the love for a lost loved one.  It matters not if the reason was death or divorce or abandonment.  The love you had and have for that person is always there.  The key to understanding is what love is.  The love I had for my first wife was different then the love I had for my second.  Yet in each instance it was love.  Both I loved and in my heart still do.  You see love is a bonding with another person and each person you bond with is different, but they are still bonds of love, just different.  Grief is not a breaking of the bonds of love for another, but just a process one goes through to move that love into a special place so life can go on.  Within you is room for the love of Tone, and for the new man you will find.  Each you will love, and be loved by, just differently.

There are conflicts in the soul and mind and heart as the process moves forward.  But in the end, as the love for the lost person has begun to be safely stored in memory and heart, the heart yearns for and finds room for another.  For me it has started by simply letting myself enjoy the laugher of a woman and in that experience not recall memory of my wife.  When I could do that, it was a warm feeling, a feeling I embraced and felt no guilt for.  It ws not a betrayal of my wife, buttestamentent to her that she and another could become part of me at the same time.  It is not an easy place to reach, I did it with a lot of angst, but soon learned I could enjoy the company of another and not betray my lost wife knowing that she was still there in my being.  I believe you are on that path.  I know this because the vary notion that you are now thinking "Would it be fair on the other person. The lingering love?", tells me so.  That simple statement says you are starting to care for the feelings of another not yet known who is not your Tone.

My last wife Arlind taught me many things.  The first thing she taught me that she as widow could love me, and at the same time grieve for her lost husband.  I did not understand then how that could happen until now.  I just accepted it back then, and I am forever grateful I listened to her, and we lived and loved for some 28 years.

Be open at the appropriate time with the new person of interest you may meet, the one who makes you laugh and sees the goodness of life in you, and share your feelings with him about grief for Tone.  If that person truly cares for you, he will understand the difficult transition you have chosen to make, and whether he understands or just accepts it, he will be a better man in doing so.

Having said all this, just be careful and aware of the reasons you offer your heart to another.  It is easy to mistake love for just wanting companionship to avoid being alone.  I know, as I have made that mistake, and probably will again until I get it right, which I will.

Ray who is still working through the transition.


Ray in Santa Cruz

sonya

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Re: lonely
« Reply #8 on: November 27, 2012, 11:03:45 AM »
(((((((((((everyone)))))))))))))))

Thank you so much for all your lovely responses.

This post was really just about me sharing my musings....just  to be clear there are no lines of suitors knocking at my door!
But I do believe in the general message that you all posted: That when the time is right, and the suitor is suitable, I will be open to love once again.

Thanks guys. It makes me smile to type this.

Wishing you blessings,

take good care,

Sonya xxx
Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy

browneyedgirl

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Re: lonely
« Reply #9 on: November 27, 2012, 12:58:59 PM »
....just  to be clear there are no lines of suitors knocking at my door!

I don't believe it!   :laughing6:
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

johnkmurray

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Re: lonely
« Reply #10 on: December 02, 2012, 09:45:41 AM »
....just  to be clear there are no lines of suitors knocking at my door!

What was that address? When is the next flight?  :love4:

A kidding aside, I've been asking some of the same questions myself recently now that I've started dating again ... or as some friends might say, "finally!" Can such a love happen again? Will I recognize it if it does? I'm growing optimistic that it is indeed possible and meanwhile I've enjoyed a few evenings out with charming company ... and that's not such a bad thing come to think of it. Call it a win so far.  :laughing6:

John

sonya

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Re: lonely
« Reply #11 on: December 02, 2012, 10:15:21 AM »
ah john. its appartment 113 and you always welcome here my friend.
its good to hear that my musings resonate with you and others.
I am having a very turbulent weekend...Epic dreams and big lows, I think that a seismic shift is happening and its all to do with acceptance and moving on. Feels a bit like some epic dungeons and dragons thing as I am going through the ups and downs of it all...but I have faith that this will pass. That I will emerge and that learning will have taken place...
In the meantime, I went to bed at 8:30pm and an deeply grateful to have a day off tomorrow...
Thanks John xxx (ps I know it wasn't, but am counting that as a pass from a suitor...looking for the potential positives my piping pal! lol)
Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy

browneyedgirl

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Re: lonely
« Reply #12 on: December 03, 2012, 12:38:36 PM »
(((Sonya))))
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

Terry

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Re: lonely
« Reply #13 on: December 06, 2012, 06:14:34 PM »

Thinking of you and sending hugs & love!

(((((((((Son)))))))))  :love9:

arthur

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Re: lonely
« Reply #14 on: December 15, 2012, 01:25:06 AM »
Hi Sonya..thanks for being courageous enough to put so much of your personal life to words in this forum. I don't know if I could do that. Its a strange new world of starting a new life without our spouses isn't it? I want a new family too..but it sure feels strange having to start over at my age when there are men at my age who have been married 25+ years and have grandkids. As far as the love of our spouses is concerned, I think that will always be a part of who we are...I am in a reslationship now myself and I find that Maureen influences our relationship alot and is a part of it ..I don't think it can be any other way can it? I mean that she was such an important part of who I am as a man that she is part of my relationship with my new girlfriend. I really count myself fortunate to have met such an understanding woman who allows me, indeed wants me, to talk about Maureen. I have met plenty of women who aren't so understanding. I hope you can find the right guy who will allow you to talk about Tone. Take care, arthur